The Grey Tower

"...I could become that which I'm fighting against. You could too.” Light, he knew that to be true. Since he had joined Carra in the Red Ajah he had forced himself to spend time each day reflecting on his choices in an attempt to avoid that fate. Did he take specific actions according to his personal desire, or to serve the greater good? Some days were easier to balance than others; of late, the ones spent apart from Kaia were harder than most.

Her fingers shifted as she continued to speak, cupping his face. His skin tingled beneath her touch, and for a moment he forgot where he was. He sat instead in their study eighteen stories below, alone and safe from intrusion, and when he met her gaze, his expression was as naked as hers. Her excitement and fear met with his, and he took a breath. "I would regret it forever if I let this chance slip through my fingers," she was saying. Her voice faltered, but after a moment she lifted her chin, and he saw the familiar snap of fire in her brilliant green eyes.

“Estius took so much from me. I don't - I won't let take this moment from me as well. He doesn't get to ruin this for us.” The Altaran pushed himself fully upright again, his heart pounding in his chest. “I would very much like to be bonded to you, mi cueran, to be your partner and your equal in every way that I can be.” He stared at her in shock, mind reeling. After the long silence from earlier, the last thing he had expected was for her to agree. After a moment he lifted his hand to press against hers, then pull it away from his face.

He stood, and placed the tips of the first two fingers of either hand on her temples, his head lowering until his forehead touched hers. "I....don't know any other way to weave a bond," he told her with an odd touch of hesitance in his tone, his swarthy cheeks darkening. He seized saidin, the familiar flows of Spirit rolling joyfully through his fingers, and as the flows spanned between them, the Asha'man's mouth met the Aes Sedai's in a fiercely passionate kiss. His heightened senses reveled in the sensation of her lips on his, magnified and intensified by the flows of Spirit that wound between them, binding them together.

For a moment, all was as it should be.

Abruptly Kaia stiffened against him and his skin began to tingle. Something wrapped around the flows he wove together, intermingling with them, pulling and pushing as light blossomed in his mind. Saidar? The kiss broke and he stared at Kaia in confusion, his chest heaving. The bond had worked despite the interference; he could feel her presence in his mind, her confusion, her apprehension, her joy. It was familiar, and yet also nothing at all like what his bond with Carra had been. This...was somehow more.

"What....what was that?" He asked, touching his head with shaking hands. "What did you do?" The question was more startled curiosity than accusation. Whatever she had done, it was done. And yet….what had she done?

It wasn't until Jaryd's lips left hers, and the shimmering light that filled the entirety of her mind faded, that Kaia realized something was... different.

She let saidar slip from her grasp, staring at Jaryd as he stared back at her. Why... had she been holding onto the Source? She didn't remember opening herself to it. She had done something with it. That much was obvious. He was inside of her mind with her... but not in the way it she was used to. Her fellow Red was... far more present than Estius had been... She felt along the bond, noting how it surged and reacted to her touch, almost like it was aware. Aware of... what?

The petite Domani could feel Jaryd's confusion, his love, his joy. "What....what was that?" His hands were shaking visibly as he reached up to touch his head. "What did you do?" It was asked with... curiosity, a bright flash of it flaring up in the very center of skull, pushing aside her thoughts.

Kaia glanced up, her mouth working soundlessly for several moments before her voice would consent to working again. She was trembling as well, she realized belatedly, her body still tingling from head to toe, suffused with an afterglow of warmth. “I don't know!” Coppery fingers reached up to touch her own head, fingertips brushing against her brow. She let out an unsteady breath. “I... felt something moving in my mind and I -” It was so difficult not to look away. “I felt panic. I reached for the Source. I... I wove something... I used Spirit.” Green eyes went suddenly wide and by the mirrored shock of understanding that coursed through the bond, the Aes Sedai knew that the Asha'man comprehended exactly what had happened. “Oh Light Jaryd! I used Spirit!”

They had each bonded the other.

I didn't mean to! Before a fresh wave of panic came at the enormity of what she had done had a chance to wash over her, the Altaran grabbed her by the arm. Jaryd yanked her down into his lap as he capsized back down into his chair, covering her face with kisses. Kaia went rigid in complete surprise, before relaxing against him, her relief going to mingle with his warmth. “I can feel you... at last. I...” He smiled as he spoke, closing his eyes before simply kissing her again. She let herself sink against him, her hands going up to bury themselves into his hair.

Jaryd held Kaia against him, his lips demonstrating his affection as his soul adjusted, yet again, to an unfamiliar presence in his mind. At least this time he had had the ability to consider his decision and ask first, rather than having the choice taken from him –and his bonded- by crisis. He could feel fading panic, growing relief, and finally simple happiness in the small Aes Sedai's mind. For a few minutes, he allowed himself to let go and enjoy their new intimacy.

Eventually, however, curiosity asserted itself over all else. What had been done to their bond? The Void settled around him, and the One Power flowed to his grasp. He reached along the bond with a tendril of Spirit, exploring it with same delicate care he had once used with Dax. There were definitely differences. There were spaces in the weave, places where something he could not see filled gaps and prevented saidin from entering. Kaia's flows wrapped around and through his, and the bond itself felt stronger, resistant to his touch.

The Asha'man felt a burst of panic as the reality of what had happened hit him. I can't undo it! Or rather, he could not undo it without doing untold damage to Kaia's mind. He flinched from that thought without further consideration, and instead continued his exploration. There were other changes, he realized; some he could not guess the effect, while others likely made no difference at all. It didn't matter; collectively, the differences meant that the decision he had made was unexpectedly irreversible.

He felt a surge of fear from Kaia, and glanced down, meeting her eyes steadily. "I hope you're ready to deal with me for a very long time," he told her, his voice low and almost teasing. "There's no undoing what we just did." She tensed, and he touched her face. "I have no regrets, mashiara." With that he released saidin, banished the Void, pushed away his busy mind, and let his mask of composure dissipate. His arms tightened around her, and for a few short minutes he was simply Jaryd Kosari holding the woman he loved.

The real world would intrude all too soon.