A matter of Ji'e'toh (attn: Craig/Elia)

[Locke]

Terric

Elia Darrow’s withered hand, Nathaniel Carridus’ twisted mind, and Rhysa Sedai’s gruesome death. Three new additions to a list Terric feared would never stop growing. He gave everything his all, and that made failure hurt even more. Those times he wasn’t fast enough, wasn’t strong enough, clever enough, or even having not been empathetic enough. He had given his all but Ash had been tortured to death and Sorena eaten by Trollocs. Obviously, his all wasn’t good enough.

Upon their return to the Tower, Terric followed the procession to the infirmary, doing his best to stay out of the way. He could hear the young Dedicated thrashing against his bonds as Yellows tried to inspect him. He wasn’t in any shape to receive visitors. Terric decided that he had a better chance paying Elia Darrow a visit. At least, he wouldn’t have to worry about losing fingers. Her curtained off section of infirmary seemed rather crowded at the moment. He settled down in a corner to wait.

Eventually, people began to leave, including a somewhat tormented Dakson Torellion. Giving him an understanding nod, Terric knocked at one of the wooden uprights holding her privacy curtain before cautiously entering. She lay in bed wearing a hospital gown. Her other wounds appeared to have been healed but that arm. It was as twisted and discolored as before. What had happened to it? Bringing his gaze back to hers he said, “That arm isn’t your shame, Elia Darrow. It is mine. I am a Gaidin and I let this happen to you. I have toh.” Pausing, Terric said, “If you will have me, I will serve you until my toh is met.” He wasn’t sure how much help he would be. His failure as a Gaidin had led to this moment, but what else did he have to offer?

[Craig]

<< Bad News, Good News, Bad News? Elia

Elia took deep, calming breaths in through her nose. She wanted to imagine the day away. She wanted to imagine the week away. Light, couldn't she just restart her life over? Maybe then she would have stayed in Fal Dara and risked dying from the One Power. It beat this.

The Indigo turned her head towards where Dax had just disappeared back into the main Infirmary. It hurt to admit how much she needed him right now. Well, she needed someone, but Dax would be the easiest. Elia rightly suspected that neither Jaryd nor her brother would feel as inclined to assist her as the Tairen would be. "Peace..." she sighed, just before another visitor breached her solemn sanctum.

Terric was not someone she had anticipated seeing. The Aielman looked haggard, although he didn't seem like one of the Infirmary's many patients. Once he opened his mouth, his motivations for being here were lain bare. Her first thought was it's not your fault, Terric. She had put herself forward to join the expedition to Vaidulo due to the Black Ajah's involvement; an Ajah she was supposed to be in charge of. She couldn't fault Terric for that, nor for her bitter history with the Keeper of the Archives, who was unquestionably the architect of her demise.

Elia pressed her head back into the pillow. Her heart was pounding, which wasn't good for anyone. She set aside worries about Murdock and the Black Ajah for now, if only for a few minutes. She wasn't dead yet, and Terric was here. He was a flicker of flame in a dark abyss.

"Come." The Indigo beckoned the Aiel towards her with a wave of her good arm. Ji'e'toh was important to the Aiel, more important than the Three Oaths had been to the Tower. The least she could do was offer him some piece of mind, even if she couldn't do the same for herself.

"I will not place you in whites," she jested with only half-a-heart, "but I may need your help in the months to come." A faint, forlorn smile wavered on her lips as she looked at her desiccated limb. "Nothing can be done for this, so says Gareth. I'm not sure... how I'll be able to perform certain duties now."

She raised her good hand to the corners of her eyes, but water leaked out past them. Her breathing got more ragged as reality started tumbled down on her.

[Locke]

Terric

Terric froze. She was crying. It shouldn’t have surprised him, he had seen plenty of strong women weep in similar situations. Raya had wept when her fall ruined her leg and her chances of becoming a Maiden, and again when Terric brought her the news of Sorena’s fate. He had just never expected to see an Aes Sedai shed a tear, especially not one such as Elia Darrow. Reaching out a tentative hand, he touched her shoulder. Comforting Aes Sedai was alien territory for the Aielman. He barely knew the woman. They had flirted from time to time, but… but he had failed her. Allowed her to be taken. Allowed this to happen to her.

He didn’t know the right thing to say. He doubted if there was a right thing to say. Unable to imagine his life without the use of a hand, he just nodded solemnly. “I will help in any way I can, Elia Darrow,” Terric said. He meant it. His honor was in tatters. He would have to talk to the Dedicated once the Yellows restored his mind, if they ever did. He still had toh for Rhysha Sedai’s death. Toh to the Tower, to the Mistress of Arms, and to the dead woman. Most ways he could think of meeting the toh would conflict with his obligations to Elia Darrow. Laying down his weapons for a year and a day, scribing for Riahana Ferria, and fetching her tea. He wouldn’t be able to assist Elia Darrow. How then?

[Craig]

Elia

She leaned into Terric's touch, spilling ginger locks over his hand. Her body still shuddered slightly, but the Aielman's touch was unquestionably reassuring. Rubbing away tears, she looked up with watery green eyes. "Thank you, Terric."

And then a silence stretched out. What did she need help with at this moment? Primarily answers, but answers to questions that Terric could not answer. Why did Murdock do this? Why am I still alive? How am I meant to raise children like this? She laughed bitterly. As if I need to worry about children with the Black Ajah baring down on me. Maybe she was better off not informing Jaryd about her 'development', just to save herself the aggravation of that meaningless conversation before someone finished her off. Shaking her head, she tried to be a bit more forward thinking. I'm not dead yet.

"Do you know any good names?" Elia asked lightly. To his questioning look, she added "I am pregnant. With twins." Her lips curved into a smile, but the warm look was not reflected in her eyes. If not for Vaidulo, she would have thought of children as a death sentence. Now they were just another slice of suffering that she'd have to learn to endure.

She adjusted her stance on the bed to sit up a bit straighter. The motion shot flares of pain along her right arm, bringing with it a hissing cry from Elia's mouth. Slumping back into the pillows, she looked to Terric. "Can you see if they have an ointment or something to relieve pain? Or just something to numb my arm until I can't feel it any more?"

[Locke]

Terric

Pregnant? Terric’s fingers jerked back as if burned. She was pregnant and she had gone to the village? It shouldn’t have been dangerous though. He had let her down and he had let her future twins down. Thoughts whirling, Terric retreated to find her medicine. He had believed he understood the magnitude of his failure. Elia Darrow did not seem to blame him, but he blamed himself. He didn’t want to mope, he wanted to make amends. He wanted to learn how to do better. What could he have done differently? Maybe paid more attention. Maybe been aware that Rhysa Sedai had been beyond saving and turned to defend the others. Maybe he could have tried to keep the group together. He might as well have wished he’d been in two places at once. The deed was done.

Eventually, he returned accompanied by a lanky Dedicated named Garhald. He began applying salves to Elia Darrow’s withered arm, chatting in a distinctly airy tone. Despite his lackadaisical nature, he seemed to know his craft. Terric’s attention was only partially on the young man. He knew how to meet his toh to Elia Darrow. He would aid her in whatever ways she required. Her unborn children however? He did not have the answer. Nathaniel Carridus was in no condition to talk so he would have to wait. How though, would he meet toh to the dead Aes Sedai? She had been a Blue sister, dedicated to her cause. Nothing he did could bring her back, but at least, he could honor her memory. He would pick up his own cause. A fitting cause. It wasn’t a complex thing. He would simply dig to the bottom of what had happened at the village, hunt each and every last conspiritor down, and kill them.

[Craig]

Elia

Elia didn't really hear Garhald. She listened and likely nodded and murmured at the correct points, but nothing sunk in. The Dedicated wasn't someone she knew, nor anyone she was interested in talking to. There were, in all truth, very few people she wanted to talk to. Talking meant explaining without having most of the answers. So she was talked at instead, giving her a brief respite.

That suited her fine enough. She was more interested in the six-foot-something Aielman who was now loitering by her bedside. His expression was pointedly blank, grey eyes staring off into some middle distance in thought. This was not the Terric she knew. Talkative and defiant was the way he had been defined in her mind.

The Dedicated and his ointment eventually left. The tincture felt cool against the blackened flesh. The tingling sensation distracted her from the pain, but it didn't alleviate it. Elia sighed, then faced the Gaidin. "You're quiet. Penny for your thoughts?"

[Locke]

Terric

After years in these lands, Wetlander idioms still occasionally took him a moment to process. His thoughts? Did she what to reassure him or assuage his guilt? Neither would help. He had already addressed his obligation towards her. He would address Nathaniel Carridus and to Riahana Ferria in due time. Those were issues between him and them.

If she was in fact curious, and not just making idle pleasantries, there were things that needed addressing. Starting slowly he said, “I know what happened in those caverns must have been traumatic, not all scars are physical.” The Aethan Dor ordered his thoughts, looking for the right questions to ask. He decided to start with the basics. “What all happened down there. I don’t want to force you to relive it, but it will be for everybody’s benefit if I could hear your account.” He would interview the Dedicated if, when, he was healed. He leaned in slightly, body language sympathetic. He didn’t close the distance too much, running the familiar gamut of providing a comforting presence while not overcrowding a trauma survivor.

[Craig]

Elia

Elia didn't wish to talk. Well, not about that. But the alternative seemed to be the quiet, stoic presence of the Aiel Gaidin, and she thought she would endure that poorly. Peace, she was stuck with bad options.

"Well, if it's for everyone's benefit," she sighed. Elia didn't see how that could be the case, but maybe explaining it to Terric would ensure she didn't have to explain it to anyone else. Word of mouth was a thing. That was the hope at least.

"After you dashed from the house, something struck me on the back of the head, knocking me out. I assume something similar happened with Nathaniel. When I awoke, I was in a cage. A huge bird cage is what it seemed like, but a Trolloc could have fit..."

Her voice trailed away. Skin pebbled as a sudden realisation came to her. Were they making Trollocs? It had to be impossible. It just had to be! Trollocs were made in the Age of Legends by the Forsaken. No Asha'man or Aes Sedai could do what it took one of the Forsaken to accomplished, surely? After a pause, Elia pulled herself back together. She wasn't ready to share that tidbit without confronting Murdock first. Light, what does he want with Trollocs?

She pressed on. "There was a man and a woman. The woman maintained a shield around me, and I would guess the man did the same to Nathaniel. She, the woman, she gripped my hand and... and did this." Elia raised her arm up, as if there needed to be any more of a spotlight shone upon it. "I don't know why nor how. What I do know is, is..."

Elia turned onto her side, putting her back to Terric. Tears trickled along her nose and across her cheek. Only too late did she realise that her damaged arm was underneath her. For once, the Aes Sedai refused to give voice to her pain, enduring it with an iron determination.

"It can't be Healed," she finally croaked. Bending at the waist and knees, she curled up underneath the bedsheets. "I didn't deserve this."

[Locke]

Terric

Terric listened in silence, doing his best to reserve judgment until the end. He didn’t miss the Aes Sedai’s hesitation as she spoke. His heart went out to the once proud woman. He didn’t want to even consider what he would have done in her situation. He still had questions, but her tale devolved into a fit of sobs. He stood next to her bed, arm awkwardly extended. Poised on the verge of touching her shoulder.

She had paused while she talked about the cages. It wasn’t one of grief. It had been… thoughtful. Did she know or at least suspect something? Ask or no, he couldn’t just stand there like an awkward lump. Finally, he reached out squeezing her shoulder and said, “No, you did not deserve this. Very few people do.”

He should have just left it there, but she had had some sort of realization. Trying not press too hard, he continued to speak. “Elia Darrow, you know a lot about many topics. The large cages seemed significant to you. Did you have any idea?”

[Craig]

Elia

She worked her throat muscles, ensuring that when she spoke that it was with an iron tone of determination. "Did you see what happened to Nathaniel? I think... maybe it's possible they were attempting to make Shadowspawn." It seemed impossible, but what else would you call it? Those monsters hadn't been human, and they weren't Darkfriends. Shadowspawn was all that was left. Light, more types of Shadowspawn. What sort of world was going to be left if the Dark One prospered? Where was her place meant to be in it? Would she be the monster in a world full of experiments?

Elia felt Terric's touch. She had no idea where Terric was mentally, even if she had the brain capacity to work it out. Tears continued to run along her face and into the bed linen. Where was Dax? She wanted the Tairen oh so desperately. She wanted anyone to take away the memories and the pain. Anyone. Her voice struggled to remain level as she spoke. "Hold me."