A cheerfully dreary morning (ATTN Carra)

[Dan]

Calder Selm

He was both surprised, and irritated upon his return to the Red woman. If she bloody knew, why had she not said anything? He shifted his gaze to the platter of food, the last thing he needed was for the woman to see the anger he felt.

He tore the bread in half, and took a few healthy bites. As simple as the question seemed, the answer was a difficult one to answer. "I would not say easy." He replied, before dipping his bread into the tea. He was not sure if he was welcome to having some of the brew, but he would take it as the price paid for the lack of information about Laela Sedai. He took a bite of the soggy mess, keeping his hand under the bread to avoid ruining the woman's rug.

"After my first year as a Soldier, i left Hama Valon." Calder confessed. He took some time to gather his thoughts while he finished the bread. He had enough common sense to know not to mention his past dealings with the Shadow. How could he exclaim he had left because he was not comfortable with their actions? Not comfortable with the idea of being a disposable minion? Besides, if she decided to hold back information, he could as easily do the same.

"I had to find a new Calder Selm, find a new way of looking at the world." He explained. That part was true, at least. "So knowing enough about Saidin, i left and travelled the land. Still not sure how the Grey Tower never found me, but I am thankful for the time i had." He was tempted to brush the crumbs from his shirt, but he figured the Aes Sedai would be far more offended by that, than to face a messy Soldier.

"After some years, i decided to visit Hama Valon." He said, lying through his teeth. "I met Seth Arucairm in an inn, who promptly brought me to see Landrin Asha'man." Who had thankfully welcomed Calder back with little retaliation over running away. Looking into the Aes Sedai's eyes, he wondered if she would one day be able to help him meet the M'Hael. Not that the man would be of any use. Who would believe him, about a cavern of trollocs beneath in a small northern town.

[Carra]

Carraidhin Glaisne
"The Grey Tower is more forgiving with their charges, especially the independent ones." Carra said in stoic observation. "It give the illusion of freedom but in the end we are all drawn back for a reason. A purpose." She watched him carefully, and his emotions were tied back and she could tell that he was angry. It was subtle in how he broke his bread and the tightness in his knuckles. This boy was passionate and had many things that mattered to him, and Carra wondered what they might be; and how they dictated his actions.

"Asha'man Seth is kinder than most, but you are indeed lucky for Asha'man Landrin's leniency." She said. "But why did you come back, pray tell? It sounds like you were fine on your own. What would the Grey Tower offer you that you couldn't find elsewhere?"

[Dan]

Calder Selm

"Had my reasons." He bluntly replied, meeting her gaze with a challenging glare. But he shifted his gaze, he did not need this woman as an enemy. He needed allies, people of similar beliefs, who would do what was needed. Who would not shy at having to do what was needed. Who would resolve a problem, instead of debating why there was a problem in the first place.

"I…" He began, but stopped himself, and coughed as a crumb of bread went down the wrong hole. It gave him a few moments more, to think of a proper lie, which was in truth, not a lie.

"I had left, thinking i knew enough, was strong enough, smart enough. My travels proved to me a few things, one of which was that i was not the man i was meant to be. My swordsmanship, which i had thought great, has been proven severely flawed. My use of saidin, while good enough to not burn myself out… There is much that i find my peers can do, which i cannot."

Not liking the look the woman had in her eyes, that look an Aes Sedai had when she understood something more than you did, he knew if he continued with this conversation, she would learn more about him then he wanted her to know.

"The hardest part of being a Soldier," he said, offering another answer to the woman's earlier question. "I'd say would be the bloody lies we are all forced to swallow. To nod and smile, and to say yes sir! Whenever an instructor is talking out his a.." A look from the Aes Sedai stilled his tongue. He held his lips tightly shut, as he thought of a more proper way to move the conversation along.

"What is the point of discussing if it is right or wrong to poison an enemy? We really do not need to hear an hour long lecture on how it is wrong to poison a man's food. If he's beating women and children under his rule, for no bloody reason, he needs to be eliminated for the sake of his victims."

What is the point of forsaking the drop of poison, when it could kill an Asha'man, before he opened wide a gateway to the Blight, allowing fists upon fists of trollocs to invade Hama Valon?

Was this why he had returned? Now that he thought of it, such a thing was a very possible scenario.

[Carra]

Carraidhin Glaisne The Red Aes Sedai sat silently as the boy went on his tirade on the fundamental morals of the teachings of the Grey Tower. While it was interesting to see him voice the odd thought that had passed through her mind during her time in the lower ranks, Carraidhin was also a lot more versed in such questionable natures then she ever shared. This boy shared too much of his ambition on his sleeve and unless he learned to curve it towards something constructive it could get him into some very serious trouble.

Carra picked up her tea and sipped it as she always been sipping it, betraying nothing in her eyes. She was interested in this boy. The more he spoke the more parts of him resonated with her and her cause in the Red Ajah, but his anger... Calder's anger was a liability that Carra did not want to encourage. It made playing with this boy tricky for if he had any form of intelligence he would see what she was doing in an instant. Carra could manipulate to a certain extent, but players simply don't play well with other players.

"What the Grey Tower is teaching you has very little to do with deference and bows. What the Grey Tower is teaching you is Discipline, so that one day when you are free to do as you will withing the boundaries of the Three Oaths you do not make a fool of yourself or the Grey Tower you are sworn to." Carraidhin chided calmly, as if to share the state the weather. "There are many reasons the Grey Tower does this, but at its core it is to keep Order among the Ranks. If not, then every child that believes they are better then the next will never learn to respect even those weakest among us. Or even those that are the strongest."

Looking deep, Carra's eyes gazed into the boy's, searching not just his emotions but into his soul. "You have grown up with a certain way of doing things. Your life until this point is but a blink yet in most Aes Sedai and Asha'man that live. Should you survive to 100, or even 200 years old, will you feel the Tower foolish then for trying to teach you some Discipline? Furthermore, when you are 200 years of age, would you trust yourself at this age with the knowledge of Poisons and questionable methods that lead to punishments and death?" Carra's eyes narrowed a moment, "such talk is talk of the Shadow and darkfriends. It is dangerous to speak so of these matters without showing the discipline required to have that respect in that knowledge."

Setting the tea cup down and folding her hands into her lap, she looked at him, a thought just for him. "When you speak of such ways, how do you expect to be trusted with knowledge like poisons when you can not bow and answer respectfully when you are told no?"

[Dan]

Calder Selm

"Trolloc can kiss my bloody discipline." Calder silently mouthed, as he turned his back to the Aes Sedai. He began pacing, feeling like a trapped coyote being teased with fresh meat. He ground his teeth, at first seething over the lack of retaliation from the Aes Sedai, over the lack of reaction over his words. The least he had expected was some heated words, not this calm lecture! He shook his head, unable to grasp the Aes Sedai's behavior.

His pacing eventually slowed, as he reflected upon the woman's words. He wanted to scream at her logic! He wanted to shout at her, pointing out how not talking about the Black Ajah and the Shadow was dangerous itself! He wanted her to see his view, share it even! The tide of chaotic thoughts crashed like waves within his mind.

He closed his eyes, and began thinking of her points one at a time. The first thing he thought about was this talk about living a long life. He very much doubted about this talk of living a couple of centuries. That just sounded like rubbish to his ears. He knew Aes Sedai and Asha'man aged slower, but could it really give that many years more of life? He shook his head, as his thoughts shifted from one thing another.

Discipline, something even he could not admit to having. Had his blood not been at the boiling point, he'd laugh at the thought! Discipline had never been his strongest feature. But he did have to admit that her words made some sense. Perhaps it was worth trying, to maintain some freedom. Behave properly, and be rewarded for the proper behavior.

Much like how the woman was rewarding him, by granting him the freedom to absorb her Aes Sedai wisdom. On second thought, it was no reward. He had done nothing deserving her sage advice, making him suspicious of the woman. He stopped pacing, and scraped off some dry skin off of his bottom lip.

Feeling his anger fade, he was left feeling mentally tired. Giving in, he went and sat down, and quietly faced the First Inquisitor. He felt at a loss, not knowing what to say. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that she was right.

[Carra]

Carraidhin Glaisne It was easy to hide away her smile and humor behind the stoic gaze at the boy, pacing her quarters like a caged animal. He had energy, passion, and once the feet slowed Carra could see the thoughts that passed in his eyes. Whatever the boy wrestled with, that was his. What he would do with it, that was what Carra was interested in. The passion, it was both a tool and a deathwish, and the boy had yet to learn how to use it well.

Picking up the teapot, Carra refilled her now empty cup and with a touch of Saidar, warmed it to her preferred taste. He did leave it on the table, deciding how best to approach the deflated soldier. She didn't want a tool in her Ajah, so she did not want to manipulate him, but a liability could very easily have her entire Ajah disband if the Hall felt they were becoming like the Red Ajah of the White Tower. Carra had no way of knowing how the Hall would deal with them, partially because they could not decide that for themselves either.

"It is funny, if you haven't noticed, how volatile the Green Ajah is. Headstrong and full of fire. They spend a year or so traveling to collect potential channelers. There are rumors of some that break away thinking they can take on the problems of the world they return to something different. A funeral pyre. They aren't spoken of, and their names lost to history, but it serves as a warning." She watched his eyes, measuring his intellect and maturity. "You may wish to do many things, fight many battles. But if you don't have the head to do it then all that fire in you will simply burn you up. Then you will be of no help to anyone."

[Dan]

Calder Selm

"Volatile, eh?" Calder responded, as the Aes Sedai's words thought Nani to mind. The description fit Nani quite accurately, along with her late lover. She would have died alongside the once Master of Training, had Calder not taken her fate into his own hands. Perhaps, had he had not bonded her, and used that special connection to maintain some control over the woman, she would have likely thrown her life away doing something idiotic.

The more he listened to the red Aes Sedai, the more her words rang true to his ears. He had, in the end, come back to the Grey Tower. He had chosen getting help, instead of continuing his path of freedom, untrained and out of control. Seeing what he had witnessed up north, seeing all of those Shadowspawn, he had known he would eventually need help. He knew that if he was to one day do something worth respecting, he would need very specific training that only could be found within the walls of Hama Valon. The Grey Tower offered everything he needed to learn to survive. Not only to survive, but to thrive.

"You're right, Aes Sedai." He said in acknowledgement. He sighed dejectedly, feeling the last of his inner fire cooling down. He eyed the woman, impressed that someone his own age, could express the wisdom far beyond both of their years. Realizing that the woman was likely his age was a sobering thought. Embracing freedom had done little to curb the rebellious nature he had embraced in his younger days.

[Carra]

Carraidhin Glaisne The Red refrained from adding on the fact that of course she was right, and instead just sat there for a moment, debating where she wanted to take the conversation. Carra had worked the boy hard, and pushed him mentally to think harder on things to improve. He had potential and it would be a pure shame to see it go to waste in the current state he was in regardless of his Ajah choice was down the road. As only a Soldier, Carra was not about to expect him to be ready for the weight of the Red Ajah.

Standing up, Carra picked up the empty cups to take to her makeshift kitchen. "That will be enough for today. Thank you for your help today, and perhaps if you wish to further this conversation you know where I am." This time the smile came across a little warmer, still not touching her eyes but she did try a little more this time. Try, in her own way. "Off you go, get some sleep, Soldier Calder."