Solitude Wanted, but Friendship Found [attn; Jenn]

[Avyra]

Avyra felt him stiffen a bit, and she instantly felt a little guilty. Did he not like hugs? No one here liked hugs! But she listened to what he had to say, as he explained that he had brought her here to try to show her how beneficial she could actually be. How she faced down Trollocs as only an Accepted. Not many could do that. He gave her a very awkward pat on the head with his huge hand, then said, simply, "You may let go of me now." She quickly unlinked herself, straightening her hair out a bit. "I guess you're right," she replied, looking down at the reigns of her horse. "I did fight Trollocs today." You did not fail me. That was what stuck. "Its still weird to hear it outloud. Maybe it wasn't real." She laughed a touch, humorless and short, then looked back to Zeen. "Sorry. I didn't realize you don't like hugs."

[Jenn]

Zeen

Zeen’s lips quirked upwards, the brief expression a touch grim and mirthless. “I can assure you, Doveling, that the Trollocs were indeed quite real.” His eyes softened a little as comprehension dawned on his face. “Unless you are referring to what was spoken. In that instance, I can assure you that it was also quite real and that I meant every word: you did not fail me.”

At his gesture, the horses resumed their brisk pace, the reins of Avyra’s small mare looped securely around one of his hands. He watched her for some time out of the corner of his eyes, trusting the gelding he rode to know its way back home to the Citadel now that they were no longer near the Blight. It probably knew the way better than he did, truth be told.

He could not say if she was aware of his attention or not, or whether she purposefully refused to look up from the small hands clenched in her lap, but he was patient. She could not stare at the brilliant white fabric of that Accepted’s dress forever, after all. At last, green caught against silver-grey and Zeen smiled faintly. He leaned over carefully, mindful not to unbalance himself and fall off his horse. He wrapped an arm around slender shoulders and squeezed gently.

“You are incorrect about one thing, Avyra. I do like hugs. I am simply unused to them. Where I am from, along with what I was, gentleness and affection of any kind, were not things given out freely.”

[Avyra]

They didn't speak for a long time, his words sinking into Avyra's mind like footprints in the mud. She studied her hands in her lap, aware that Zeen had taken the reigns of her horse. She was okay with that, this time. She wanted to think. However, she could feel his gaze on her and she looked up, meeting his stormy gray eyes with her own green. It was hard to break away, they were beautiful eyes. Then, gently, he leaned over and returned her hug with his own half hug, heavy arm draped over her shoulders. She stiffened slightly and looked up again, eyes a bit wider. “You are incorrect about one thing, Avyra. I do like hugs. I am simply unused to them. Where I am from, along with what I was, gentleness and affection of any kind, were not things given out freely.” She smiled, actually smiled, leaning into the hug. "Ah. That's too bad, maybe I'll have to make up for all those lost hugs I bet you never received." Avyra paused, then looked up again. He was definitely a lot bigger up close, she realized. "Where were you from?" The question dawned on her, then, and she tilted her head. "If you want to say. If there weren't hugs, I bet it wasn't good."

[Jenn]

Zeen

The Captain-General blinked down at the Accepted as she nestled in against his side, blinking again when he noticed that she was smiling. Only a short time earlier, Avyra had been upset, nearly crying... Zeen did not know what to make of the sudden, abrupt shift in her demeanour. Perhaps... perhaps his words had actually succeeded in being comforting?

“Where were you from?” He stiffened a little at the unexpected question, forcing himself to relax immediately afterwards. She did not know. He did not look away as she looked up at him curiously. “If you want to say. If there weren't hugs, I bet it wasn't good.”

Zeen lowered his head, nodding a little, a faint smile curling at the corners of his mouth. “It was not a good place,” he agreed quietly, pulling away slightly though he kept his arm slung casually around slender shoulders. It made riding somewhat awkward, but the horses were going slowly enough that staying upright and seated was not an issue.

He was silent for several heartbeats, grey eyes searching as they studied green. “I am Amadician, doveling. I was born in Amador. I lived and served beneath the shadow of the Fortress of the Light until I came to the Tower.” He spoke as gently as he could, as if by moderating his tone he could somehow soften the truth of what he used to be. He touched the scar that slashed across his forehead, mentally touching along the scars between his shoulders. “I received this there,” he said simply, “as well as the ones on my back.”

[Avyra]

Avyra listened, feeling him stiffen when she asked the question. Oh. She must have overstepped her boundaries. But he only pulled away slightly, keeping his heavy arm across her shoulders as he replied softly, answering all of her questions as though speaking gently would help the truth. “I am Amadician, doveling. I was born in Amador. I lived and served beneath the shadow of the Fortress of the Light until I came to the Tower.” She looked up at him, eyes widening slightly. “I received this there,” he said simply, “as well as the ones on my back.” She reached over to take his hand in one of her's, or she tried. It was far too big for one of her own. "I'm sorry. That couldn't have ever been good." She fell silent, unable to say anything longer. She didn't know what to say. How did one reply to that?

[Jenn]

Zeen

Another moment of surprise came as the Accepted took his hand into her much smaller one, the fingers there barely able to clasp around his palm. Zeen smiled faintly. He was not overly adept at offering comfort; it was somewhat of a relief to see that he was not the only awkward one.

“No, it was never good. Even before my ability to channel manifested itself.” His grin was hard despite the quiet words, teeth baring with black humour. “I was a Whitecloak, surrounded by paranoid, fanatical men.” The Amadician shook his head. “My father was the among the most paranoid and fanatical... and he had high aspirations for me. High Inquisitor, perhaps, or even the Lord Captain Commander. Both the true power behind the Children of the Light, and therefore behind Amador and the throne. So no, it was never good for me.” He left out the part about his cousin, his family... it did not matter, though he could not help but wonder at how Avyra would react if she ever found out that he was first cousin to the King of Amadicia.

He sighed softly. “You have asked several times, why I brought you out here into the Blight. I believe I explained it earlier, but perhaps now you will understand better. Out here,” he gestured around them with his free hand, “I have something I can fight, something tangible and real on which I can focus and vent my rage and my hate at. The embodiment of evil is as obvious as it prevalent. I know where the lines are drawn. I know which side I am on, and I know which side the Shadowspawn are on.”

Zeen gave another small smile, grey eyes meeting and hold green again with hammer-like intensity. “Here, I can help. Here, I can actually make a difference. Most importantly, here, I can protect others from the Shadow. And if I cannot protect, then I can destroy that which threatens and harms those that I am sworn under the Light to defend.”

Broad shoulders shrugged, his expression abruptly turning rueful. “I forget, that not all share my purpose or my view on the world. I thought, perhaps being here would help you find some clarity. I did not think much beyond that. I apologize Avyra. It was not my intention to upset or to frighten you.”

[Avyra]

She held his hand in hers the best she could, listening to the rest of his past. He was hiding something, she knew, but she wasn't about to ask. If he wanted to tell her, he could. But until then, she could manage being kept in the dark. They had only just met, after all. So she moved to take his hand in both of her's, making it a bit easier to hold. Maybe she was helping, maybe not, she didn't know. But he didn't give any clues as to which she was doing, that was for sure. After a few more moments, he spoke again. “You have asked several times, why I brought you out here into the Blight. I believe I explained it earlier, but perhaps now you will understand better." She perked up, looking back up at him intently. “I have something I can fight, something tangible and real on which I can focus and vent my rage and my hate at. The embodiment of evil is as obvious as it prevalent. I know where the lines are drawn. I know which side I am on, and I know which side the Shadowspawn are on.” It made sense. In the Tower, she didn't know who her friends or enemies were. Everyone was so tricky. That was why Seonin was dead. He met her eyes again, never breaking eye contact. “Here, I can help. Here, I can actually make a difference. Most importantly, here, I can protect others from the Shadow. And if I cannot protect, then I can destroy that which threatens and harms those that I am sworn under the Light to defend.” Was she something he brought to protect? She couldn't complain about that part. "I forget, that not all share my purpose or my view on the world. I thought, perhaps being here would help you find some clarity. I did not think much beyond that. I apologize Avyra. It was not my intention to upset or to frighten you.” She smiled in return. "Asha'man Zeen, its alright. I'm not upset, trust me. Or rather, I'm not upset because we came to the Blight. It was scary, though, but you wouldn't have let anything happen to me. I'd go again, actually, if you'd have me." She paused. "I want to try again. Maybe I won't be such a coward." She had faced a Seanchan beast without batting an eye? Why were Trollocs different? Because she had been a different person back then.

[Jenn]

Zeen

“The Blight is indeed frightening, but you are correct,” Zeen agreed quietly, giving her hands a gentle squeeze. “I would not have let anything happen to you. I will not let anything happen to you. You have my word.”

The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled, straightening in the saddle. “I am glad you wish to try again, Avyra. I do not think the Tower would be particularly pleased to find out that I took an Accepted to the Citadel,” and into the Blight, “but you are no coward. I am uncertain if I will be able to bring you here again, but when you become Aes Sedai, there will be no such restriction. The Citadel and the Blight will still be here. I would be pleased to have you join me, doveling, any time you wish to accompany me.”

She was unharmed. Of course she was unharmed. He was the Captain-General. But the fact remained that he had taken a learning rank straight into danger. The Amadician sighed inwardly. It was not something that she needed to fret over, however. It had been his decision, whatever the reasons, and despite the outcome, the consequences were his to deal with.

“Have you given much thought to your Ajah choice?” The brown haired man’s head tilted to the side ever-so-slightly. “I do not mean to pry, I am merely curious. My choice was remarkably straightforward,” Zeen said with a chuckle, “but I know that it is not necessarily so for everyone.”

[Avyra]

Avyra felt his grip on both her hands tighten gently, his one hand able to hold both of hers easily. Her hand itself was probably only the size of his palm, something she was now curious about but certainly didn't think it appropriate to test now. Zeen's smile, although slight, was warm and comforting, putting her even more at ease. “-but you are no coward," he was saying. "I am uncertain if I will be able to bring you here again, but when you become Aes Sedai, there will be no such restriction. The Citadel and the Blight will still be here. I would be pleased to have you join me, doveling, any time you wish to accompany me.” Avyra brightened, taking in a slight breath as she looked up at him. He'd want her along again?! He actually... liked her company?! Another voice in her head chimed in. Of course he does, light blinded idiot. And he's done so much to help you, and this is how you thank him!! “Have you given much thought to your Ajah choice?” The subject change caught her off guard. "I..." Avyra stammered. "A bit. I'm not sure I fit anywhere, though. I've been considering Green, maybe Red, but mostly Green now, honestly. But I'm not sure I'll fit in... I'm sure all the other Greens look incredibly impressive." She paused. "And I don't. Besides, I'm not sure what its truly about. I haven't spoken to anyone about it..." Her voice trailed off. "What is it about, besides fighting?"

[Jenn]

Zeen

He frowned, looking at her askance. “Why do you do that, doveling? Why do you keep putting yourself down so? If you were of a mind to, I am certain you would do well with whatever Ajah you picked. And what is more, choosing your Ajah is not about fitting a round peg into a puzzle board. It is about finding that which resonates with your person and your beliefs, your core values, the most.”

Zeen met her eyes levelly. “Greens are no more impressive than any other Aes Sedai or Asha’man. We sleep, we eat, we falter and fail the same as anyone else. Some of us choose to don on armour. Some of us do not. There are Gaidin that also choose to do so. I am the Captain-General and it would not matter how many layers of leather and metal I surrounded myself with; without the Power, any one of them worth their fancloak would thrash me nine ways to the next feastday.”

The Amadician tilted his head ever-so-slightly to the side as he regarded the Accepted. “Understand that as a Green, I do not go trolling about looking for a fight. I do not thrive off strife or confrontation. But that does not mean that I am loathe to start one - or finish one - if I feel that it is necessary. Quite the opposite, in fact. I suppose there is truth to the saying that I lack subtlety oft times; why go around looking for a back window to climb in when it is far quicker to simply kick down the door?”

A ghost of a smile lurked along the corners of his mouth. “But when the lines are drawn, especially along the Blightborder, I can assure you that I am welcome wherever I go. There is no other Ajah that these men and women want standing with them. Indeed, Greens are usually the first to answer the call. I try to inspire. I lead. I defend those that bleed with me, my brothers and sisters-in-arms. I protect those that cannot protect themselves. I fight so that others do not have to. And should the worst happen and I am unable to protect and defend that which I am sworn to, then I will destroy that which brought suffering and grief. To be Green means that I do not back down. I stand my ground, even if I am the only one to do so. I do not, and will not, shy away from danger.”

The smile finally appeared and Zeen gave Avyra a little wink. “I have the scars to prove it too.” He waited patiently for what he had said to sink in, curious to see if the Accepted had more questions.