Desperate Times [Attn: Avyra]

[Bridget]

Rhykana dropped her stack of books onto the table of the mess hall, exhausted. She fell into her chair, slumped, and could not resist the temptation to close her eyes. Every inch of her was tired, and she could hardly muster the motivation to stand and fetch her dinner. It was the usual simple fare, the kind of food that Rhykana ate for sustenance and not pleasure.

She was so tired. It was her seventh year of her time as an Accepted, and Rhykana could not help but wonder bleakly if it would ever end. The Accepted and Dedicated that she had known had already climbed the Great Stairs; Aslanin to the White, Mirin to the Blue. So many others had been raised to the Indigo. And if Indigo seemed far away, the Black was even further. Rhykana had had so many childish dreams, in her first few years as an Accepted. That she could use her cunning and her talents in Compulsion to understand the Black Ajah, that she would enter her Ajah of choice with knowledge and understanding.

That hope had crumbled to dust over the past five years. There was no time for such planning, not with Halliene Sedai demanding more and more from her, not with Lydie Sedai watching her, possessive and ever present. There was ter’angreal to make, mathematical treatises to read and understand, endless classes of channeling and history and literature… All of her plans had diminished to nothing under the load of tasks.

Rhykana curtsied to Mirin bloody Sedai daily, to the woman who had knelt at her feet sworn fealty to her. To the woman who had spent so few years as an Accepted before becoming Aes Sedai, before becoming the Mistress of Novices. Her oath meant nothing now, and Rhykana resented the loss of power, of companionship. Rhykana was alone among the white sea of Accepted.

She scraped her spoon against her bowl, regarding the stew despondently, and looked up only at the sound of another person sitting at the table. It was Avyra, an Accepted that Rhykana had only spoken with in passing. Rhykana watched the other woman for a moment, considering. Avyra, it was rumored, had no great love of Mirin, their illustrious Mistress of Novices. Rhykana straightened, uncomfortably aware of her loneliness, her exhaustion.

“Hello, Avyra.” Rhykana greeted her, tapping her spoon against her bowl thoughtfully. What did Accepted talk about, amongst each other? Rhykana had never before made the time for such chatter. She gestured uncertainly at her stack of books, fumbling ineptly for a topic of conversation. “I think Halliene Sedai means to make me go blind. I don’t think I’ve read so much in my life.”

[Avyra]

Avyra

Avyra was sitting alone at the table, not really caring. She knew she didn't have many friends among the channelers. Seonin for sure, maybe Torianin Sedai, if Aes Sedai could even still be friends with Accepted. Maybe Felix. But off the top of her head, nobody else truely came to mind. But she didn't mind too much. She was friendly to everyone she met, so friends would surely come along eventually. She had more friends in the Yards than she did here. But maybe it was something else. She was an Accepted, yes, but she couldn't help but feel like she didn't deserve the title. She wasn't good at channeling. Light, she wasn't good at mostly anything. That's what people wanted in a friend, right? She thumbed through the pages in her book; the book Ravak had given her in Hama Valon about swords and craftsmanship. She had never been interested in such things, but the read was interesting to say the least. Ravak was right. Reading was entertaining. “Hello, Avyra," a voice, somewhat familiar, greeted her. “I think Halliene Sedai means to make me go blind. I don’t think I’ve read so much in my life.” Av looked over to see another Accepted, Rhykana if she recalled correctly. She had seen the Accepted in a few of her classes. "Mhm. Before the Tower I don't think I had read a single book in my life. I knew how, I just didn't have any." She paused. "The books they make us read are very dull. I can't stand them. But Ravak gave me this, and its fairly intriguing. Its about sword craftsmanship. I knew nothing about it before I picked it up, but now its almost done and I've learned quite a bit." She realized she had been rambling, so she decided to stop talking about herself before it got out of control. "What have you been up to lately?"

[Bridget]

It was difficult to keep Aes Sedai calm from her face. Rhykana smiled at the other Accepted, hoping desperately that it reached her eyes. She had forgotten how to make friends, ever since her first friend at the Grey Tower had stepped into the Arches and not stepped back out. “I never read a book before coming to the Tower, either.” Rhykana told Avyra, her tone wry. Light, how that had changed. She did not think she could count the number of books she had read at the Tower.

Rhykana raised an inquisitive eyebrow at the mention of a Ravak. Did Avyra mean Ravak, the Master of Training? She had seen the man, during her numerous trips to the Yard, but she had never spoken to him, let alone befriended him. She leaned forward, interested. “Do you know how to use a sword?”

She could not help but laugh at Avyra’s question, though it sounded strange to her ears. Rhykana gestured toward the stack of books with her spoon, smiling slightly. “Mathematics, mostly. Some treatises on making ter’angreal.” Rhykana glanced at the books, scanning the titles. “I’m not actually sure what some of these are about. I only know I have to read them.”

Halliene Sedai was becoming increasingly transparent. Rhykana had read a vast portion of the library’s collection of works on ter’angreal, and each new book that she was assigned was more of a stretch. Any book would do to keep her busy, as long as it was long enough. It was enough to make her want to sob.

“But never mind books!” Rhykana told the other Accepted, aiming for cheerfulness and hitting petulance instead. “Are you training at the Yards?” She let her strained smile slip away as she took another bite of stew. She had loved to talk to other people, once. Before Rhykana had come to the Grey Tower, she had spent so much time wandering the streets of Caemlyn, talking to anyone and everyone. The skill had atrophied, and Rhykana had not had cause to miss it in a long time. But now she felt uncertain and awkward, unsure of what to say, where to look, what to do with her hands. Rhykana smiled hesitantly at Avyra, hoping that the other Accepted had not noticed.

[Avyra]

This Accepted seemed very, very nervous. Avyra couldn't tell why, but she kept her guard up. Usually people who acted like this wanted something, but she didn't know Rhykana well enough to tell what she was after. But she decided to keep a weary guard up, just in case. She wasn't interested in being the troublesome Novice that she used to be, and she wouldn't let anyone try to draw that out. Rhykana rambled nervously about books, and Avyra couldn't help but notice her insecurities. But her observations were short lived. “Are you training at the Yards?” Avyra raised an eyebrow. "I'm too small to even consider a sword. I can't even lift one, much less swing it." She laughed, taking a sip of her water. "However, I did do some unarmed with a few of my Ji friends. Danos taught me first, but we weren't exactly a good fit. He's a huge guy. Like. Even standing up and reaching as high as I can I couldn't remotely reach his chin with my fingertips." She paused. "He accidentally broke some of my ribs. That was the end of that training. But I don't hold anything against him; he's quite gentle, he didn't mean to hurt me, and I'm fine now." She paused, swirling the ice in her water. "I started training with Terric, one of the Aiel, about a year ago. We were a better fit. He was quick and had more of my fighting style, even if he still towered right over me." At the mention of Terric she reddened slightly and couldn't keep the smile from her lips. She had asked to kiss him and he had said yes!

[Bridget]

Rhykana Meran

She listened as Avyra rambled, forcing herself to relax into her chair. Rhykana could not help but raise an eyebrow at Avyra’s reddened cheeks, her obvious excitement over this Terric. It was clear that the other Accepted was a woman of simple motivations; friendship, love, and comfort. Rhykana struggled to find some similarity between them, some reason to pursue this conversation. She brushed wavy brown hair away from her eyes, tucked it carefully behind her ear, and forced herself to reevaluate her priorities.

Avyra was sweet, but uninteresting as far as Accepted came. Rhykana’s eyes lowered to her stew, and wryly acknowledged the truth; she was lonely, desperate for someone to understand her, to look out for her. Her family had not filled that gap in her life, the few friends she had made and lost at the Tower had not, and Lydie certainly had not.

Rhykana refocused on the other Accepted. It was undoubtedly true that she would never be able to rely on another human being, and it was just as likely that Avyra would never be a friend. But she was reluctant to turn away from their idle conversation. “I have done some training at the yards, but only with throwing daggers. I doubt I would fare any better at unarmed.” Rhykana caught Avyra’s eye and grinned. “Is Terric only your training partner, then?”

A sudden hush fell over the dining hall. Rhykana glanced up, her spoon hovering over her bowl, to see Mirin making her way down the rows of tables. She was resplendent in blue, her shawl tucked into her elbows, blue fringe swinging as she walked. Rhykana clenched her teeth, frozen and alert as Mirin swept past. She watched, eyes narrowed and cold, while the Mistress of Novices exchanged quiet words with another Accepted.

An Accepted had been called to the Great Stairs.

Jealousy churned in her gut as she turned away, back to her unappetizing stew and stilted conversation. “Did you know that Mirin and I were Accepted together, once?” Rhykana asked, idly, her rage barely masked. “She had looked up to me.” It was a physical ache, to acknowledge how far Mirin had gone, while Rhykana was stagnant in a banded dress. The spoon fell from her hand, clattered into her bowl. Her ever-present exhaustion pressed even harder, her mind fogged with disappointment and anxiety. “And now I wait and hope that Mirin will come and call me to the Stairs.”

[Avyra]

“Is Terric only your training partner, then?” The other Accepted grinned, and Avyra was about to reply when an awkward hush fell over the dining hall. Mirin Sedai was gliding down one of the table rows, trying to seek out a specific person. Hopefully it wasn't her. Avyra couldn't help but shrink a bit when Mirin looked towards her, but the Mistress of Novices looked right passed her and kept walking. One of the advantages to being small: nobody, not even those you had a history with, seemed to notice you. It wasn't an advantage when you wanted to be noticed, but at a time like this Avyra loved her ability to shrink into nothing. Mirin found her victim, another, older Accepted. She spoke soft words to the girl, then led her away onto whatever adventure they were about to embark. The Stairs. It happened; Avyra didn't think much of it. Unless that Accepted didn't return. Avyra didn't want to think about that. But Rhykana seemed to have a few words to share about it. “Did you know that Mirin and I were Accepted together, once?” Avyra could hear the slight distain and jealousy in her tone. “She had looked up to me. And now I wait and hope that Mirin will come and call me to the Stairs.” Avyra stopped her meal, staring at the other girl. Nobody had ever spoken ill of Mirin. Even Seonin, who had found the letter claiming that Mirin was a darkfriend, Seonin who was now dead for unknown reasons, or rather, "turned out of the Tower," never spoke ill of that vile snake of a woman. "Why haven't you been called yet? Surely its your time." Avyra didn't want to sound like she was accusing Mirin, but it was obvious by her expression and tone that she hated the woman. "Maybe she's jealous of some ability you have. Maybe she knows that as an Aes Sedai you could challenge her."

[Bridget]

Rhykana Meran

She could not help but give the other girl a sharp, evaluating look. Rhykana had known that Avyra had little love for Mirin; just as most Accepted knew the same about her. But she was already regretting her own sharp tone regarding the Mistress of Novices, for it was unwise to flaunt that disdain, unwise to give another in the Tower any sort of leverage against her. Yet Avyra’s obvious dislike warmed her to the other woman.

“I do not think so.” Rhykana said finally, after a moment of thought. She made a quick gesture of negation with her left hand, her palm freezing in air as she thought. “I have no ability that she does not other than ter’angreal, and Mirin has never seemed… particularly scholarly.” In fact, Rhykana rather suspected that Mirin had far surpassed her in ability in Compulsion. Mirin was Black Ajah, while Rhykana herself still had not crossed that line in truth.

Avyra’s third comment was the most interesting. Maybe she knows that as an Aes Sedai you could challenge her. It spoke of gossip that she had not heard, for Rhykana had no knowledge of Mirin displaying any particular dislike of her. Coming from a more politically savvy Accepted, Rhykana would consider the words a play in the Great Game. But she could not see Avyra playing that game, not unless the woman was so adept that she had disguised the entirety of herself.

“And how could I challenge Mirin Sedai?” Rhykana added the honorific only to highlight the difference between her and the Aes Sedai. “I have no wish to become the Mistress of Novices or join the Blue.” The only place she could challenge Mirin in was the Black, and if Avyra had any knowledge of that…

“And if I wished to challenge Mirin,” Rhykana continued, her voice wry, “I do not imagine that I would have much success. She has been Aes Sedai for years, and is in a position of power already.” She dropped her spoon into her bowl, discouraged, disgusted that she was discouraged. “To be Aes Sedai or Asha’man is to play a political game, and is Mirin not the picture of a perfect Aes Sedai?” Rhykana raised an eyebrow, inviting Avyra to say different.

[Avyra]

“And if I wished to challenge Mirin,” Rhykana continued, her voice wry, “I do not imagine that I would have much success. She has been Aes Sedai for years, and is in a position of power already.” She let her spoon fall with a disgusted expression “To be Aes Sedai or Asha’man is to play a political game, and is Mirin not the picture of a perfect Aes Sedai?” Avyra finished her food, putting down her own spoon with half of it left, clasping her hands together on the table. "Maybe she is. I don't know. All I know is that I will never be Aes Sedai. Its kind of hard when you can't physically ever look the part," she grumbled. But that aside, she didn't trust Mirin. Why did the woman always look like she was plotting some evil scheme? Who decided she would be good around the Novices? She gripped her hand tighter, feeling nails in her skin. "And its not like Mirin Sedai has any way of helping."

[Bridget]

Rhykana Meran

Rhykana gave Avyra a sharp look, surprised. To be Aes Sedai was hard when you did not physically ever look the part? The other Accepted astonished her. “I can’t say I know what you mean, Avyra.” Rhykana said, studying the other woman. “You are certainly strong enough in the One Power.” The other Accepted would one day be stronger than she was, and Rhykana was certainly strong enough to become Aes Sedai. Rhykana’s fingers twitched against her spoon as she realized what she had done; spoken bluntly about another woman’s strength in the One Power. “You would not be an Accepted if you were not.” She tacked on, attempting to recover from her thoughtless statement. The Tower had tried to train her out of thinking of such things, but Rhykana was incapable of not measuring herself against others.

She examined the other woman, and realized, with some amusement, that Avyra had most certainly meant her height. “You must mean your stature.” Rhykana stated, tapping her spoon against her bowl. “Would you say that Ressia Sedai does not look the part of an Aes Sedai?” Ressia was a diminutive Grey sister, one that Rhykana found to be strict and intimidating. It was clear to Rhykana that it was Avyra’s lack of confidence was the issue, not her height. But it was not for her to say such things.

“You have not found Mirin Sedai to be a helpful Mistress of Novices?” For all that Rhykana had no love for the woman, she had found Mirin to be capable. She accepted that fact with little grace, but it was true.

[Avyra]

“I can’t say I know what you mean, Avyra.” Rhykana replied as Avyra studied her uneaten, and probably wouldn't be eaten, food. “You are certainly strong enough in the One Power. You would not be an Accepted if you were not.” Avyra didn't seem to care about the statement. She seemed to be thinking of something else. "You must mean your stature.” The other Accepted sounded slightly amused, and Avyra reddened, setting her jaw as she looked further into her bowl. “Would you say that Ressia Sedai does not look the part of an Aes Sedai?” Avyra didn't reply. “You have not found Mirin Sedai to be a helpful Mistress of Novices?” "No," Avyra replied back. "She let a Novice die. I called her out. She beat me for fun with the One Power. And now one of my friends goes missing. She's dead, I know it, and I think Mirin did it." She huffed. "Besides, if Mirin did her job I wouldn't be here anymore. She'd have already given up on me. I almost wish she had. I'm useless here."