Sanctuary in Red Embers

[Bella]

The room was filled with the sound of metal on metal for several moments before he lifted his shoulder in what might have been like a shrug and then answered her. "I like it here," he said. "I loved my parents, and I love my twin, but that life was not suited to me." He was not about to delve too deeply into his personal life, of course, but these were all shallow thoughts.

"As I said, I am a man who desires peace. I also value knowledge and harmony and structure. I have found all of those things here. And it does not hurt that many of my bloodline reside under the Tower's roofs." Metal on metal a time longer. "It seems to me that many of your age aren't sure they belong here, but the "here" doesn't really matter. We all just go through periods where we struggle to know ourselves."

[Avyra]

She watched him work, finding an odd soothing quality to the clanging of the metal. She didn't think it could actually sound pleasing to the ear, but it was nice, rhythmic and pulsing. Consistent. It knew where it belong. "It seems to me that many of your age aren't sure they belong here, but the "here" doesn't really matter. We all just go through periods where we struggle to know ourselves," he continued, not looking at her, but she could tell that he was listening. "I guess so. But everyone here, even the students, seem to know what they're going to do. I still don't know. Light knows I would make an awful Aes Sedai. Nobody would take me seriously as one; I look like I'm ten years old." She paused. "And channeling... some of it I just don't get. I can't touch Earth unless I'm working with Illusion." Avyra sighed, resting her head on the table.

[Bella]

"You have already spoken the key word, Novice," Derren said. His voice was not awash in much emotion, but it wasn't unkind. "The word 'seem' is noteworthy. None of us can know what goes on in the minds of others without being told. Many may seem like they know, but they do not really and they are just trying to figure out what their path is just like you."

He pounded the metal a time more and then lifted his eyes to see her. "Many an Aes Sedai has been of a size with you, looking as young, and were the most feared. Appearances are deceiving. It's our actions that matter." He turned away and doused the metal in the bucket, sending steam flying into the air. "Most women can't channel Earth almost at all. None are expected to channel all powers flawlessly."

[Avyra]

"The word 'seem' is noteworthy. None of us can know what goes on in the minds of others without being told. Many may seem like they know, but they do not really and they are just trying to figure out what their path is just like you." He fell silent as he continued his craft, and Avyra did too, watching his hammer strike metal with its rhythmic, metallic clang ringing in her ears. What he said, she knew, was true. But she didn't speak, she just nodded. Asha'man Derren then looked over to her. "Many an Aes Sedai has been of a size with you, looking as young, and were the most feared. Appearances are deceiving. It's our actions that matter," he told her, turning away as he continued to douse the metal in cold water, steam firing into the hot air. "Most women can't channel Earth almost at all. None are expected to channel all powers flawlessly." She watched the fumes dissipate, then looked back to him. He was an honest man, that was for sure. He wasn't emotional when talking to the stressed novice; he was practical, searching for a logical solution to her new insecurities. Were they new, though? Did coming here to the Tower actually make them worse? She didn't know the answer to that. "I... no intent to disrespect, Asha'man Derren," she began, uncertainty clear in her accented voice. "But you were probably my height for about... a month, I would guess." She paused. "It is easy for you to say those words and mean them, but I can't feel them true. The only other Aes Sedai of this height is Mirin Sedai, and even then she's still a head taller than me." She paused. "I don't want to be feared. I just want to be taken seriously. To not be seen as a child anymore. But my appearance makes that impossible."

[Bella]

"You would be taken more seriously if you spent more time focusing on what you can do and less time in self-pity," Derren replied simply. It held no harsh edge but that of a man who gave his opinions when he felt them needed. "I did not speak of my own experiences and you should not compare yours to mine. I spoke of those who I have known and known well."

Again, he stopped to work for a time and let her think about what he had said. The noise of the hammer made it impossible to speak over, and thus was assured that his words sank in. How far they did so was up to her. When he stopped, he continued, still without judgement or emotion, just plainness. "Stop worrying about what you are not good at and strengthen what you are. The world will take you seriously when you take yourself seriously, Novice."

[Avyra]

"You would be taken more seriously if you spent more time focusing on what you can do and less time in self-pity. I did not speak of my own experiences and you should not compare yours to mine. I spoke of those who I have known and known well." His reply was simple. Although his words themselves were harsh, his tone wasn't. It was matter of fact, not scornful but also not sympathetic. He began to hammer again, leaving her to her thoughts again. She did like this man's approach. He was straightforward and he didn't show her sympathy. Was she being self-pitying? Spending time on what she could do? How was she supposed to do that when she didn't know what she was good at? "Stop worrying about what you are not good at and strengthen what you are. The world will take you seriously when you take yourself seriously, Novice." Avyra just nodded. "Its so hard not to get caught up in it. I wasn't like this before I came to the Tower."

[Bella]

To him, that solution seemed plain. "Think back, then, to who you were and what of yourself you liked better. Then focus on your life now and find ways to reclaim that, but in a new way, one that fits you now," he said. When he came to the Grey Tower, he had thrown himself into focus. He analyzed himself and made strategies for his own psyche. It had saved his life, in many a way.

"It is hard to not get lost in things," he concurred after a few more moments of hammering. For him, it had been his temper. "But that's why it's important to work even harder to not do so. If you cannot do that, you will never progress. And a life well lived is one that moves forward, taking lessons of the past to form a better future."

[Avyra]

What did she like about herself from back then? His hammering was giving her time to think, as she couldn't talk over the sound of metal on stone. She couldn't think of anything. She was just... her. Back then, she wasn't anyone special. She was just Avyra. She wasn't insecure, for sure, but she wasn't anything extraordinary. He began to speak again. "It is hard to not get lost in things. But that's why it's important to work even harder to not do so. If you cannot do that, you will never progress. And a life well lived is one that moves forward, taking lessons of the past to form a better future." Avyra looked back up at him. "If only I could pick what I wanted to study. I'd just be working on fire and illusion all day." She put her head down on the table, using her arms as a rest. "Why don't they spend class time strengthening the individual student here rather than forcing them to learn something they can't? I doubt I'll ever be able to channel Earth properly, so why can't I focus on something else?"

[Bella]

"We must always be learning, child," Derren said as he doused the horseshoe. The steam shot up into the air and his face glinted with sweat that he didn't look like he felt. Pulling it out, he surveyed his work. "Even those things we are not good at, we should still learn about them and expand ourselves. Expand our minds.

"You will learn much while you are here, if you commit yourself to it. But while you are still young, they will want to make sure that you have a solid foundation and understand all the building blocks of your later knowledge. You must learn about threads of Earth even if you cannot use them, that way you will understand other things better later on." He doused the shoe again before hanging it up with the others.

For a moment, he turned to face her properly. His face remained unreadable. "Never shirk learning, for it is a gift of the Creator and we should never stop doing so. Even those things we cannot put into practice, those things we are not good at, those things we think we'll never use, or those things we don't enjoy. We must still understand that they exist and how they effect all the other things we think and do."

[Avyra]

He did not begin hammering again, pausing only to douse his craft in water with a blast of roaring steam. She watched him, captivated by the rhythm of the operation she had never seen before. In all honesty, this was a process she had never thought much about until seeing it in action. He had told Avyra that everything she learned would be important, even the things she couldn't do. In fact, he implied that the things she couldn't do would be almost more important. She would understand more if she learned more, even if she didn't enjoy it. Oh, it was stuff she already knew, but it had a different effect on her when it was told by an Asha'man like himself rather than her own mind. "I... I think I get it. I'll stay, even though I don't feel comfortable. Maybe that'll pass, Asha'man." She paused. "But I'll try. Thank you, Asha'man Derren." She tilted her head, continuing for a few minutes to watch him work. It was nearing her next class, she she gave him a parting smile. "I should be going, though. I don't want to miss my next class." She paused. "Thanks for, ah, putting up with my presence here, Asha'man Derren. You've been really kind, and I don't have anything to give you in return for your kind words."