Familial Concern [Attn: Accepted Tia Tomason]

[Bella]

Miahala was surprised to be informed that her great-great-grandson was in the antechamber waiting for an audience with her. He had not sent any prior word that he was coming--not that she had been told of, at least--but he was here all the same. She would never turn away family and so once she was informed, following the conclusion of one meeting, she had him ushered in.

The young man looked a lot like his father, large and broad yet looking like he was trying to make himself smaller. He had his mother's eyes, however, and those were from the Sha'hal line. The sight of them would have made the Amyrlin Seat smile, but for the concern that took hold of her seeing the look on his face.

"Come, sit," she said with a kind smile, an expression that none but her kin were ever witness to. He smiled, almost self-consciously, as he crossed the room and sat down. "You look worried. What is it, child?" At least when she said "child" to this one, he was blood.

"It's Tia," he said. The words were not many, but he still somehow managed to make them come out rushed. He brushed his light brown hair back off his forehead. It was haphazardly placed on his head like the only time it was brushed was when he was shoving his big hands into it and getting it out of his face. "She's Accepted now, you know."

Mia nodded. Of course she knew, she had been there. She said nothing and let him continue at his own pace.

He swallowed audibly. "Ever since she got Raised, though, she's been different. I think. I mean, she's like..." He stopped and huffed a sigh, dropping his head. Mia let him collect himself. "I have barely seen her since she was Raised, and that's weird. I know that she is busy with lessons and all, but even as a Novice, she made time for me. I'm her twin brother, for Light's sake."

"But you haven't seen her much since she was Raised?" Mia asked, making sure she understood what he was saying although she was positive that she was. She recalled the look on Tia's face after she emerged through the third arch, but many young women looked like that. The arches were...a trying experience for anyone.

"Yeah, that's it," Einion said, nodding quickly as he looked up and met her gaze. "I don't know what's wrong, but she's hard to even track down. It's like she's...purposefully avoiding me. And I don't know what to do with that. Only time she ever did anything like that was when she broke my toy that one time when we were seven...but even that didn't take so long till she came back."

Mia smiled gently, remembering how Tianna and Tarvin were when they were toddlers. "Would you like me to speak with her?" she offered, since she had an idea she knew what was going on. At least, the source of the trouble.

This brought him to nod again in those quick, jerky movements. "She can't escape you." It took a moment, but then he realized what he had said and gaped for a moment then laughed softly. "Sorry, Memma."

"It's fine, child," Mia replied, laughing quietly. "You are quite correct."
* * * No matter what was going on in a young woman's head, a personal summon from the Amyrlin Seat--even one who wasn't your Memma but especially one who was--was something that could not be avoided. And so, with her personal guard making themselves as inconspicuous as possible around the area, Miahala sat on a bench in the gardens and enjoyed the mild day, waiting for her great-great-granddaughter.

[Roan]

You let down everyone in your family. . .abandoned them in their time of need. How can you live with yourself?

The question haunted Tia from the moment she stepped through the third arch to complete her Arches and become Accepted. The last face she'd seen as she stepped through was her Memma’s. Aes Sedai, or not, it was hard to miss the disappointment cast from Miahala Sedai.

It wasn't real. The rational part of Tia knew what she saw in the Arches wasn't real, but it felt real. Every single sense was triggered during the experiences, as was every single emotion. How could she face her family, knowing she so easily abandoned them?

It wasn't hard to avoid her parents, as they were both busy with their duties. Einion, though, kept trying to track her down, and she avoided him. Guilt coupled with shame as she thought to her brother, and then to her second arch. He was perhaps the most important person in her life, but she couldn't bring herself to face him.

A knock at the door to her private quarters gave her pause. She only left her room when she had to go to class or do chores. . .it seemed the easiest way to avoid her brother, or anyone else for that matter. A voice boomed on the other side of the door, “Accepted Tomosan, you have a summons from the Amyrlin Seat.”

Tia’s eyes went wide, but she reluctantly pushed herself off her bed and padded to the door. Opening it only slightly, she found a woman, a Gaidar, looking her squarely in the eye. Without pause, the Gaidar handed the Accepted a scroll, “I would advise you not to keep her waiting.” Once the exchange was made, the Gaidar closed the door, leaving Tia alone, with the sound of her heart beat thudding in her chest. She could avoid her brother, but not her Memma.

Reading the scroll, Tia ran a hand through her hair, pulling her bangs out of her eyes. She was expected in the Gardens in five minutes, which meant she didn't have much time to ready herself for what was to come.

It wasn't hard to find Miahala in the Gardens. The Amyrlin Seat’s guards were inconspicuous to a point, but they stood out from the otherwise tranquil setting. Tia bit her lower lip nervously as she approached, “You wished to see me. . .Mother?” It felt odd to use the title, especially when the woman holding it was her Great Great Grandmother.

[Bella]

Miahala shifted her gaze from what she had been looking at to her young kin who stood before her, quite obviously uneasy. She took a moment to look the girl over, wondering at what was going on in her mind. Her suspicion remained that it had to do with the Three Arches, but she couldn't just come right out and ask that.

She had always been a blunt woman, but she also knew when tact was necessary. This combination was what had helped her succeed during her two tenures as the Mistress of Novices.

"It's just us for the moment, child," she said with a small smile. "Call me as you wish. I am not the Amyrlin here, and you are not merely another Accepted. Sit." She waved at the bench beside her. "Try to be at ease. I just wish for us to talk a while. I have not much seen you of late, and it seems, neither has anyone else in your family." This was said both straightforward and gentle.

[Roan]

It would have been easier if the woman who summoned her hadn't been both her Memma and the Amyrylin Seat. Of course, had the Amyrlin Seat been anyone other than Miahala Sedai, Tia likely would not have been summoned. She looked to the ring she now wore of the snake eating its own tail, and realized everything seemed so circular to her, in a way. It seemed as if you could not sneeze in Hama Valon, and have the effects not be felt in Saldaea, or perhaps even the Three-Fold Land.

Shaking herself from the more philosophical thoughts threatening to distract her, Tia let go a nervous breath she hadn't realizes she'd been holding. As she sat down, she meekly replied, "I'm. . .sorry, Memma. I wasn't sure what to expect." The girl inwardly winced as she finished the simple statement, not just because of what she said, but also in how she said it. Meek and Sha'hal were pretty close to mutually exclusive. She turned to look to Miahala and offered a weak smile, "Why do I get the feeling my brother's been to see you?"

Tia didn't need confirmation from her Memma. She knew her brother, and he'd know, by this point, that his sister had been avoiding him. Since completing her Three Arches, today was the first time Tia had seen anyone in her family, and it took a summons from the Amyrlin Seat to make even this meeting happen. The thought of facing her family seemed overwhelming, and while they didn't need to know what happened during her arches, she knew. The irony of the ceremony was she was to be washed clean of such things, yet she went into the Arches feeling no shame, and came out feeling not just shame, but guilt. The feelings each Arch triggered still lingered, and still burned to her very depths, and the Accepted hadn't figured out a way to deal with other than avoiding those who brought those emotions rushing back.

Tia looked out over the garden grounds, her eye drawn to one of the weeping willows, "I will not lie. . .I have been avoiding him. To be honest, I've been avoiding the entire family. I just. . ." She trailed off before heaving a frustrated sigh. "It's, uhm," Tia attempted to explain, but found the words difficult, "It's complicated."

[Bella]

Mia listened to the girl as she stumbled over her words, clearly having difficulty finding the right ones and not yet having learned the grace to hide that fact. The Amyrlin listened without interruption and without pressure, letting Tia find what words she could and lace them into a response as best she was able.

It was difficult, but Mia was pretty sure she could remember what it was like to be that age. Light, once she was an Accepted, she met the young trainee she would marry, give the first of herself to, and bear a son to... Reflecting on that, it was very hard to picture Tia being in that sort of place.

But then, Mia didn't really know, did she?

"May I venture a guess, then?" Mia asked gently, the faint smile curving the porcelain of her features. "Does it have anything to do with the Three Arches?"

[Roan]

Despite being a step closer to being fully raised, Tia lacked the self discipline to school her outward expression and looked to her Memma with surprise etched onto her face. She relaxed not a moment later as a wry smile crossed her lips and she shook her head, “I was about to ask how you knew, but then. . .not only were you there, but you’ve been through the Three Arches yourself.”

Fidgeting with her ring and biting her lip, the Accepted wrestled with how to continue. Memories from the day of her Arches were never far from the surface. Letting out a long sigh, she looked back to the weeping willow, “Memma, when I stepped out of the third Arch, as you poured water over me, you said ‘You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul.’

“It was a ceremony, and that is part of it. . .I understand that, but I’ve always done my best to be a good person. I’ve tried to be a good sister, and daughter to my family, a good friend to the few that I have. Before the Three Arches, I had nothing to feel shameful or guilty of, yet since then?” She shook her head and leaned forward, placing her forearms on her knees.

There was a tell-tale knot at the back of her throat as the memories, and associated emotions came flooding back to Tia, “In all three Arches, I let those closest to me down. Mother, Einion, Father, you. . .bondmates and lovers.” The sickening sensation of the bond being severed as Ash was killed was one she’d rather forget, but it, like the rest of her memories from that day were still so raw. “I was forced to choose between my family, and me. I didn’t understand why I had to leave...I just knew I did, but in doing so, I abandoned those that mean the most to me.

“And I know it wasn’t real, but it felt real, and the emotions are just as real. I came out of the Arches, and the irony is I was supposed to be washed clean of such things, yet the sense of shame and guilt I bare? I have no idea how to face my family given that I so easily walked away from them when they needed me most,” she finished. Her eyes burned as tears threatened to surface, but she refused to cry. Stubborn girl.

[Bella]

"Sometimes I think the Arches were created just to traumatize those who go through them," Mia said with understanding, although so many decades had passed since her own experience that she no longer felt it. She no longer felt anything like she did when she was Tia's age, of course, but she did remember what it was like.

She inhaled thoughtfully, watching the girl for a time before letting her gaze wander around the gardens. "It's about the test. You will find in life, whether a channeler or not, that there are choices you'll have to make. It's about whether you'll make the one that needs to be made, but it doesn't mean your choices are going to be abandoning your family." She turned back to Tia with a gentle smile.

"You need to forgive yourself for what happened in the Arches, and how you felt after. Many a young man and woman have felt just as you did. You're not alone. And your family will not hold it against you."

[Roan]

'It's about whether you'll make the one that needs to be made...

The words struck home, and made sense to the Accepted. Part of the journey to becoming Aes Sedai for those who joined the learning ranks was growing up, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally, too. Many of those who became novices were as young as Tia was when she first donned Novice Whites, and some were even younger. The Tower became their home, the other learning ranks, their family, in a way. The Aes Sedai and Asha'man. . .not their parents, but their mentors, strict as many tended to be.

Tia cast a glance back to Mia, a brow arched not unlike the almost famous Ria arch, "I can think of better ways to teach someone that sometimes difficult choices have to be made, and you are the one to make them." The sigh that followed was a frustrated one, "Sorry Memma. Perhaps one of these days, I'll learn how to at least look as if I'm maintaining a cool and calm facade, but that part of training to be Aes Sedai has somehow not happened yet." She allowed herself a small smirk that turned to a grin. Cheeky girl.

"Forgiving myself. . .I think that is easier said than done, but I am trying. Part of me understand that the only one who really knows what happened during my Arches is me," she hesitated, "And now you, to some degree. The guilt, though, is not easy to just put behind me. I honestly don't know what to say when I next see Einion. Mother and Father. . .I think they are easier to face because they are not as likely to ask too many questions, but Einion can't help himself."

[Bella]

"Many things are hard, and they always take time," Mia said kindly. "But it is worth it to keep trying." She paused, looking over her young kin, so striking in her similarities to their blood line that it was hard for the Amyrlin to not sincerely grin at it all. To think of how much family she had running around the Grey Tower...

An image from a Dream flashed in her mind. Her arms growing to trees, her tree limbs growing into the stones of the Tower.

She mentally shook it off. "A thought that you may want to consider is that you may be making it worse by avoiding your family. It will build it up more in your mind, and theirs. Einion may ask, but it does not mean that you have to answer. If you tell him honestly that you feel unable to talk about it, I imagine he will understand. Your distance is what has him concerned."

[Roan]

Tia offered a small, but wry smile, "You are likely right that I am making it worse. Talking with you has helped. I mean. . .the emotions are still there, and still raw, but our talk has helped put some things in perspective." She looked back towards the willow that kept drawing her eye and bit at her lower lip for a moment, "I'm not quite the child I was when I first put on Novice Whites anymore. Avoiding a situation because it might be unpleasant is. . .perhaps not becoming of an Accepted." Had it really been four years?

“Einion is a sweetheart of a bo. . .man,” Tia corrected herself with a soft laugh. It was a challenge to think of both her and her brother as ‘adults,’ especially considering she didn’t feel much like an adult. “I was going to say I was a bit surprised he went to you with his concerns, but then. . .I shouldn’t be, should I?” She laughed softly, “My brother does know how to get results. I will give him that much.”

The Accepted hesitated for the barest of seconds, “Memma, I truly did not know what to expect upon receiving your summons. I’ve been so caught up in my own mind these last few weeks now. While I am sorry it took a summons to get me here, speaking with you, I am. . .grateful for the talk. I think I am more fortunate than many of my peers in that I do have family in the tower. Perhaps I should not be so stubborn and learn to trust and rely on my kin.” She finished by offering Miahala a warm smile.