Finding a Place to Belong [Attn: Avyra]

[Jenny]

Seonin found it harder than expected to adjust to life as a novice. It was not that she found the work difficult or the chores demeaning or the rules too strict. Not at all; the former damane worked tirelessly, without complaint, a model of perfect obedience. She was no stranger to hard work or strict rules.

In fact, Seonin found freedom to be almost too much. She had spent her life serving others with the expectation of anticipating their every wish. To have no one but herself to think of – why, she hardly knew what to do.

Perhaps that is why Mirin Sedai had sent her a note stating that she was to share a room with another novice. Seonin stared at the instructions in her hand and sniffed disdainfully. Many of the novices were just children who were barely learning to wield the One Power. It was incredible that they were allowed to run about unleashed. Didn’t the Aes Sedai realize how dangerous the One Power could be in the hands of an untrained channeler?

Then she frowned. If she didn’t watch her thoughts, she would become as disrespectful as those other girls. Mentally, she berated herself. It wasn’t her place to question an Aes Sedai. Perhaps she should ask Mirin Sedai for a penance. She bowed her head and tucked the note away in her belt pouch.

She went to her room, gathered her few belongings, and then moved down the hall a few doors to the new room. Candlelight streamed from beneath the door. Seonin stood there for a moment, suddenly afraid.

The other novices were not unkind, but they stayed away from Seonin. She did not know how to act with the easy camaraderie and friendliness that the other novices showed. It made Seonin feel uneasy sometimes, as it was a sign that she did not fit in. Would this girl be like the others?

With these thoughts spinning through her mind, she raised her hand and knocked. When the door opened, she clumsily spread her white skirts, trying to balance her belongings with the other hand.

“I’m Seonin, your new roommate,” she said, eyes lowered to the ground.

[Avyra]

Boring~ Avyra had nothing to do. After being told off for climbing the trees in the gardens by Ravak, who also gave her a small lecture of his own, she was struggling to fill up time until her next class with Torianin. Which meant she was in her room. She had received word from Mirin Sedai about having a roommate, and she had just finished cleaning the place up. For the fourth time. But she was done, and was using the chance to lay on the now clean floor, staring intently at the ceiling. Really, it was an interesting ceiling. As for a roommate, she didn't really have an opinion. It would have been nice to have a room alone, but there were two beds so she had accepted it would happen at some point... hehe, get it? Accepted?? I'm so bored. It was a bad situation when Avyra started making bad puns to herself. But eventually, a knock came at the door, and Avyra stood up, thankful for the new excitement. She quickly made her way to the door, opening it for the other Novice outside. The other girl seemed... Avyra couldn't place it. She had her eyes to the ground, and her voice wasn't as peppy as the other novice's. "I’m Seonin, your new roommate." But that was fine. Avyra smiled, giving a nod to the new girl. "I'm Avyra. Its good to meet you, come on in. I just finished cleaning the place, its amazing how much clutter can form even with only a few days here." She took the chance to size up Seonin. She towered over Avyra, which Avyra had come to accept from anyone here, but seemed reserved, with her eyes down like that. Nervous for sure, but not mean. Avyra didn't have any reason not to like her.

[Jenny]

"It's... good to meet you too," said Seonin. Her accent was thick and drawling, though she made an effort not to mumble. She stepped into the small room and peered about hesitantly. Both beds were neatly made and the floor swept clean. Yet one side was clearly lived in, with books organized in orderly stacks on the desk - leaving the other to be hers.

She dumped her belongings on her bed. A few books tumbled to the floor and Seonin snatched them up, anxiously inspecting the spines for damage. The Browns in the Library would scold her if they sensed that she had treated their books with nothing less than absolute reverence. She sensed the other girl's eyes on her and in return snuck peeks at the short woman through her lashes.

Seonin was not a tall woman, but her new roommate barely came up to her shoulders. With that height, Avyra looked more like a child than a woman. Yet there was something striking about the way she carried herself. The young woman had confidence. Or arrogance, thought Seonin. Perhaps both.

Say something! she told herself. Despite her efforts to break habits from her childhood as a da'covale, and then as a damane, it was still a struggle for her to speak without being spoken to first. She took a deep breath and turned to face the girl.

"Avyra... that is your name, yes? How did you come to be studying here at the Tower?"

[Avyra]

And judging by how she managed to drop quite a few books on the floor, Avyra was wrong. Her new roommate wasn't nervous. She was very nervous. Why? Am I really that intimidating? Avyra wasn't going to believe that for a second. Avyra sat on her own bed, leaning against the wall beside it as she watched Seonin, who seemed too scared to actually speak at first, and her head was still down. It was very puzzling to Avyra, but she didn't want to make her more uncomfortable than she already obviously was by bringing it up. "Oh?" She paused, wondering how to word her reason for being here. "I was born with the ability to channel, so I had to come here to learn how to control it so I wouldn't... ah... hurt myself or someone else." It happened once, it could happen again. "So here I am." She shrugged. It wasn't a particularly interesting story, but it was what she had. "Yourself?" She paused. "If you want to answer, that is." She, again, didn't want to cause any discomfort.

[Jenny]

In her years as a servant, Seonin had been expected not just to obey her masters, but to anticipate their wishes. A voice from the distant past seemed to speak in her mind: "When a damane is punished, it is always her fault, even if she does not know why. A damane must anticipate what her sul'dam wants."

It had made her very good at picking up small cues. And so when Avyra hesitated while speaking about accidentally hurting others with the One Power, Seonin noticed. She ducked her head to hide her frown and hastily opened the drawer of a nearby dresser.

"Where are you from? I am Seanchan," she said. As she spoke, she folded her clothes into the dresser. "I was brought here over the ocean for the Return and to take back the continent of our ancestors. But then... a year ago I was captured by the marath'damane. I mean, the Aes Sedai."

She held up a hand and an orb appeared. Its light flickered weakly. "Have you had your first lesson yet? I've been channeling for years but... it seems difficult without a leash," she said. Her voice was tight with strain. "They say that I have a block and want me to get rid of it. I am here to learn how to live like one of you... like an Aes Sedai."

[Avyra]

Oh. That explained it. A bit. But Torienin wasn't this nervous. Or maybe she had been, when she first came. There seemed to be a few Seanchan here, more than she had thought. She nodded, listening. Not much of a story either but more than Avyra had given her. But they could figure each other out later. "I'm from Cairhien," she replied. "And yeah, I had my first lesson. I'm not quite sure what's wrong with my abilities. I can touch and channel the power rather well but only by accident. And it usually ends in something blowing up. I made a flame once, a small one, if that accounts for anything. I'm no Aes Sedai." She paused, looking back over to Seonin. "I hope they find your block at fix it, though. That must feel weird to lose the ability. Or not really lose it. Like. Not be able to use it anymore? That came out weird; you know what I mean." Avyra smiled then, her voice changing a bit, becoming lighter. "But channeling isn't the only thing here. What do you like to do? Have you found any hobbies?" She paused. "I enjoy riding, if you want to join me at some point."

[Jenny]

For a moment, Seonin didn't quite understand what her new roommate meant. She released saidar and allowed the glowing orb to fade. Then, she shut the dresser and sat back on her heels to look up at Avyra. "Hobbies? I... I don't... well, I like to read. And study. I never had the chance before coming here. It always seemed selfish to ask for books and learning when my purpose didn't require it. I realize now that things are different here, and I am so grateful."

A breeze rustled through the trees outside and a branch tapped the window three times. Seonin blinked and turned to glance at the window. An odd, thoughtful expression fell over her face. An omen of opportunity, she thought. And then abruptly, she smiled. She clasped her hands together.

"Riding? Oh, I'd love to! I've never been riding for pleasure before. Will we have time tomorrow? Please let me know the next time you go!"

[Avyra]

Reading and studying? Avyra couldn't blame her, especially after spending her whole life cooped up like that. She probably shouldn't, but she felt sorry for Seonin. It must have been really sheltered where she came from, without the ability to even ask for a book to read. Avyra guessed it was so the damane wouldn't find out how much better things could be without their collars. However, the idea of horseback riding seemed to perk Seonin up for the first time since Avyra met her, which must be a good sign. Her entire mood changed, and she seemed more open. "Oh good! Its really fun," Avyra replied, eyes bright. "We can go now if you like, actually. I don't have anything going on until tomorrow." She paused. "And don't worry about not having a horse; you can ride Dun. He's a really big sweetheart, especially if you have food for him. I'll use one of the Tower's horses." Were they even allowed to go riding? This was all confusing to Avyra. Oh well, even if they weren't, they were so new that they could still use the excuse that they didn't know. Which they didn't.

[Jenny]

Seonin nodded. "Let's go," she said, eagerly. She only spared a brief glance for her homework. Surely she'd be able to complete it later in the evening. She followed Avyra out of the room and down the halls of the novices' quarters. Out of habit, her eyes were drawn to the floor. She appeared subdued; but in reality, she could barely hide her excitement.

Dun was a large, but gentle, stallion. Seonin marveled that Avyra considered the beautiful horse to be her possession. The former damane still felt uncomfortable laying claim to her own belongings. After all, in the past, everything she had ever used had simply been gifts from her masters. It had been drilled into her mind for years that she was a slave, and slaves had no possessions. But everything here was different.

They found a few carrots to feed the horses, and Seonin giggled when Dun licked her nose. A few minutes later, they were seated on the backs of the horses for a quick ride around the Tower.

"I don't think there's anything wrong with your abilities," said Seonin, remembering how Avyra had expressed some frustration with her first lesson with saidar. She looked into the shorter woman's green eyes. "I can sense the connection within you. I know that you can channel. But it takes time to learn. I remember when I was first learning, my sul'dam would tell me to do something and I would try and try and try..."

She paused and swallowed. The memory still made her nauseous.

"It is not easy to learn. They push us hard, harder than they do here. It is called 'forcing', I believe, and is very dangerous without a leash. But now I feel different. It is harder for me to channel here. I know that I can do it. I can feel saidar, so warm and enticing, like a comforting embrace. But I've never channeled without permission... and I still feel fearful when I try to channel on my own. It feels like I'm doing something wrong, that I will be punished for trying to channel without a sul'dam. It fills me with dread."

She shook her head, and then suddenly realized how much she had spoken. She bowed her head.

"My apologies for talking so much, Avyra," she said. "Please forgive my selfishness. You said you are from... Cairhien?" Her tongue twisted strangely around the unfamiliar name. "What is it like in Cairhien? Is it much different from here?"

[Avyra]

And Avyra, too, was excited beyond belief. She liked her roommate, and couldn't wait to ride with her and teach her if needbe. She didn't know how skilled Seonin was on a horse, but she trusted Dun to take good care of her fellow novice. Avyra picked out her own ride for the afternoon, a white mare a hand or two shorter than Dun. She seemed a little lethargic but Avyra wasn't concerned; they weren't riding into battle or anything. Seonin didn't need much help with Dun; she seemed to understand a little about horses already, from what Avyra had gathered. And Dun seemed to like her well enough. Once they were settled and riding, Seonin started off the conversation, speaking for a bit about the Seanchan and their treatment of the channelers. It sickened Avyra that there were people out there with such little concern for actual human life, but she didn't speak. She could tell that Seonin was getting more comfortable, too. She was looking up from the ground to meet Avyra's eyes more. However, when she apologized for talking too much, Avyra only laughed, gently guiding her mare with her knees. "Oh, you don't talk too much. I enjoy listening to stories. Besides, it isn't selfish to let someone get to know you better, especially since we're staying in the same room. "Cairhien... its different, for me. I had a lot more freedom there." She paused. "Its an interesting country. We didn't live in any of the bigger cities; it was a small town. I think you'd be the tallest thing there, actually." She laughed softly, thinking of that. "We don't get very tall, as you can probably tell by myself. I think I'm the shortest one here." She seemed a bit irritated about that one. "My family were jewellers. We weren't too terribly well off, but we weren't exactly poor either. Somewhere in the middle. I mostly ran the finances and bookkeeping." She paused. "My mother was also born with the ability to channel, and she was a former novice. But she quit to be with my father, who ironically is afraid of Aes Sedai. It was quite a mess when he found out about not only her powers but my own developing ones. Especially since my first experience channeling was burning down the shop." She paused. "Well almost. We saved a lot of it, actually. It wasn't a terrible fire."