The Past Invading (ATTN: Jenny)

The offices of the M'hael, Amyrlin Seat, Master of Arms, Keeper and the MoNSTers
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Leala
"The Path of Daggers"
Posts: 1191
Joined: October 8th, 2014, 3:13 am
PC: Leala Gymorraine, Aes Sedai of the White Ajah
SC: Torianin Soulane, Aes Sedai of the Red Ajah
TC: Jhanic, Asha'man of the Indigo Ajah
QC: Abby Soulane, Novice
Location: Tel'aran'rhiod

The Past Invading (ATTN: Jenny)

Post by Leala » January 4th, 2016, 4:32 pm

Torianin hung her head as she waited outside the office of the Mistress of Novices. She felt the warm sting of tears in her eyes with more to come. She tried not to rub her arms anxiously, but she did it anyway. Just moments ago, she had been participating in a simple history class, and when they had gotten up to reenact a scene from their books, she had been jostled by her classmates. She jumped a little too much at the first bump, and they had apologized to her. She had accepted. However, there was too much jostling after a moment, and she had found herself kneeling and apologizing, calling herself "Ri." She rubbed a tear away as she wept a little more. She was more frustrated with herself than anything else. She thought she had gotten past this. She was her own entity without the sul'dam on the other end of the a'dam, so why now was it so hard to be Torianin without it there at all?

Her teacher, a flustered Brown had gotten her back to her senses, then gently suggested that she see the Mistress of Novices, all the while reassuring her that she was not in trouble, and that she would assign another novice to take notes for her. Perhaps Mirin Sedai could help. Torianin truly hoped she could. Some novices that she had spoken with said that sometimes they felt badly when they were homesick and that a word from their families would help. Torianin was not homesick. Her family had abandoned her when it was found that she was damane.

She crossed her arms when she felt her hands shaking. She had not been eating as much, wanting to not only shed the pounds of flesh forced upon her, but also exert some sort of control in this new environment. Leaning her head against the wall, Torianin knew that she looked very much like a petulant child. Other novices ignored her, but began whispering as they left her sight. Accepted generally ignored her. She looked up when she saw Mirin Sedai approaching. She straightened up and curtsied, leaving her hands clasped in front of her. "I'm sorry for interrupting your day," she said, feeling the scratches from crying in the back of her throat. She knew that her face was red and swollen from the tears. "Alinda Sedai suggested I pay you a visit, Mirin Sedai." She wiped another tear away, trying to catch her breath and not cry so much.
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Jenny
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Re: The Past Invading (ATTN: Jenny)

Post by Jenny » January 5th, 2016, 9:50 pm

Two months. Mirin had been in this office for two months. Just enough time to have stopped glancing around for Illyria whenever someone called for the Mistress of Novices, yet not enough time to have become accustomed to the feel of the riding crop in her hand when dealing out punishment. Perhaps she never would - it was her least favorite part of this job.

She rummaged through her files, then looked up when she sensed someone standing outside her office. There was not a ward by her door - no, it would never do for other sisters to think that she was trying to keep secrets - but instead, like the other female channelers at the Tower, she could sense the presence of another woman who could channel. She tucked a loose strand of dark hair over her ear and weighed the strength of the mysterious woman, trying to guess at who it might be. The woman seemed too strong to be a novice - an Accepted, perhaps.

Why isn't she knocking?, Mirin wondered. She closed the drawer that contained her files and waited. After a minute's pause, she stood and opened the door.

She was wrong. The girl standing there was dressed in novice white. Her face was red and swollen from crying.

Mirin's expression softened. "Torianin," she said. "Please come in."

Her office was large and spacious, with dark blue wall panels and three tall windows in the back looking over the Tower gardens. Shelves covered another wall. Most were still empty, but Mirin planned on filling it with a collection of her favorite books. In the middle, facing her work desk, sat two comfortable chairs that were nearly, but not quite, side-by-side.

Mirin touched Torianin's elbow and gently guided the girl to sit in one of these chairs. Closing the door behind her, she sat in the other and offered a handkerchief. As she listened to the girl's story, her eyes never left her student.

Her hand reached over to take Torianin's hand. "First, let me say this. Never be afraid of interrupting my day, Torianin. I am here for you. I am very glad that you came to see me. And as for what happened... Torianin, you have every right to feel frustrated. I can't even begin to imagine what you have gone through, yet you are here today, still fighting to be yourself, still fighting to be free. I think you are a very brave woman.

Her grip tightened and her tone suddenly became sharp. "That being said, Torianin, such behavior is not fit for a novice of the Grey Tower. I think that you recognize that, and I'm glad that you are working hard to improve. But old habits die hard and change is never easy. The good news is," she smiled, and although her smile was warm, the rest of her expression remained hard, "I will be here to help you, as much as I can. I promise you that by the time you are raised to Accepted, you will be able to control yourself. By my oaths as an Aes Sedai, I can promise you that much."

The message was clear. Torianin would be given as much time and effort as was needed for her to succeed - and succeed she must, or remain a novice forever. Her hand finally released Torianin and moved to adjust her skirts.

"I will speak plainly. You are not a broken woman for me to fix. You are the one who knows yourself best - and thus the onus to change is on you. It will be hard, but I'm sure that you are no stranger to hard work. What kind of woman do you want to be, Torianin? And what do you think we can do to help you get there?"

Leala
"The Path of Daggers"
Posts: 1191
Joined: October 8th, 2014, 3:13 am
PC: Leala Gymorraine, Aes Sedai of the White Ajah
SC: Torianin Soulane, Aes Sedai of the Red Ajah
TC: Jhanic, Asha'man of the Indigo Ajah
QC: Abby Soulane, Novice
Location: Tel'aran'rhiod

Re: The Past Invading (ATTN: Jenny)

Post by Leala » January 7th, 2016, 3:02 pm

As Torianin listened to Mirin's words, she thought that she might never know how it was that the Aes Sedai knew just what to say. While others whispered behind her back or simply wrote her off, the Mistress of Novices understood that she wanted to change and reinforced all the things that had brought her to the Grey Tower. She wasn't some sniveling damane anymore. She knew what her aspirations had been, coming here. She wanted to make a difference under her own power. Her tears had dried at this point, and she thought about her time in the Grey Tower, and the person that she had always imagined that she could be. She didn't want to conquer this land, like the Empire had set out to do. She saw the value and the spirit of this land, and she wanted to be a part of it. And, some days she felt like she could, and others, like today, she felt like her journey was an insurmountable one. Sometimes it felt like it would just be easier to leave, or to remain a novice, but she knew that she was better than that. She had more faith in herself than that. Mirin Sedai had faith in her, too.

"I want to be..." she began, envisioning herself in the future. She had no idea what Ajah she would enlist in, but becoming an Accepted was perhaps a good vision until then. "Someone who fights for others in situations like mine, perhaps. Someone who lifts people up. Who understands what it's like, and can help guide them." She sniffled, trying to cool her face from the absent tears, and sighed. "Some days, I feel like I can do something like that, and other days, I go back to being damane." She shrugged. "I think on those days, sometimes the freedom gets too much for me, and I feel like I need more guidance than I have, but I know that before I become Accepted, I need to show independence, that I can represent the Grey Tower properly."

As she spoke, she began to think of ways that she could do that, but perhaps incrementally. "Perhaps I should write something, or..." She trailed off. She had never had this problem before. "Try to make friends." The last time she had had friends, it was before she had been collared, but perhaps having someone to talk to about her troubles would help ease her fears and stop her terrible reactions to such small things, like being bumped. She found herself rubbing her neck, but this time, it was not because she felt the phantom weight of the a'dam, but because she was trying to ease the tension in her muscles. "Light, I don't think I remember how to make friends," she said, chuckling at herself. It was a serious problem, but not one that she couldn't overcome.
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Jenny
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Re: The Past Invading (ATTN: Jenny)

Post by Jenny » January 10th, 2016, 10:35 pm

Mirin's eyes glittered as she listened to the novice's words. Friends... the girl thought that friends would help her? A twinge of pain stabbed her heart as she thought of her friendship with Betrys. She recalled the many times she had cried on Betrys' shoulder - but friends brought their own set of trials and burdens as well.

None of her thoughts showed on her face, but thinking of Betrys gave her an idea. She tapped her lip thoughtfully.

"I can assign you a roommate if you like. Many girls find that their roommate becomes their best friend. It was that way for me, and it could be that way for you, too. Let me see who is available..."

She stood, moved to her desk, and flipped open a file. As she rummaged through the papers, she continued, "The Tower also provides many services to Hama Valon. Our brothers and sisters don't sit around idly, you know. As Aes Sedai and Asha'man, we are the servants and guardians of all; and we use all of our abilities, not just the One Power, to serve the people. One of these services is called the House of Children, or Mar siolin'an."

Her grey eyes flitted up to watch Torianin. "It is an orphanage. But not all of the children are orphans. Some were taken away from their parents because they were mistreated. Others were abandoned. We take them in and teach and care for them. I think that, with your experiences, you would... be able to help them. Many of them were also trapped in circumstances outside their control.

"I can assign you to spend one day a week to volunteer there. Of course, I expect you to keep up with your studies as well. What do you think?"

((OOC: Feel free to message me if you have any questions. Admin is working on putting up a sub-forum for the orphanage and a more detailed description will be provided there. Also, please feel free to have Torianin to refuse. Mirin is just throwing ideas out there to help Torianin achieve her purpose. :) ))

Leala
"The Path of Daggers"
Posts: 1191
Joined: October 8th, 2014, 3:13 am
PC: Leala Gymorraine, Aes Sedai of the White Ajah
SC: Torianin Soulane, Aes Sedai of the Red Ajah
TC: Jhanic, Asha'man of the Indigo Ajah
QC: Abby Soulane, Novice
Location: Tel'aran'rhiod

Re: The Past Invading (ATTN: Jenny)

Post by Leala » January 12th, 2016, 2:51 am

Torianin watched as the Mistress of Novices thought on what she had said. Was it stupid? Had she made herself sound silly and naive? She felt the muscles tense in her back before she stopped herself. Mirin Sedai hasn't said anything yet! she thought. You don't know what she is thinking, so calm down! She relaxed physically, but mentally, she reeled, still wondering. By the time she had finally convinced herself to stop worrying so much, Mirin Sedai spoke. A roommate? She had been assigned their like before in the collar, but they were mostly there so that damane would not feel quite as miserable. They never worked for her.

Perhaps they would as a novice.

The Aes Sedai continued on, suggesting that she could work with orphans once a week. The responsibility of caring for children sounded very noble, and something that she certainly aspired to do, if given the chance, but...something was stopping her. The more she thought about it, the more stress she felt building up. She found herself staring at the floor after a moment with a blank expression on her face. She sighed at herself. She had someone sitting in front of her that she was conversing with. Perhaps it had not been a long moment.

"I...I think a roommate would be a wonderful idea, Mirin Sedai," she said with a smile. "I don't know that we'll be the best of friends, but perhaps I can remember a bit about making friends with someone to share my rooms with." She silently hoped it wasn't any of the novices that she had noticed whispering about her when she passed by. "B-but, um...I think I may want to work myself up to teaching the children," she said meekly. "I think I'm not...ready for that. Not yet, anyway. May I request to volunteer when I am ready?" she asked. Torianin knew that the answer would be 'yes,' but she wanted the Mistress of Novices to know that she was not refusing the offer outright.
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Jenny
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Re: The Past Invading (ATTN: Jenny)

Post by Jenny » January 14th, 2016, 6:10 am

Mirin wasn't disappointed when Torianin refused. Sometimes victims of injustice became the most driven supporters of justice themselves. Such desire was especially common within the Blue Ajah - but she also understood that Torianin may not feel ready. She smiled kindly.

"Of course you can. I just wanted to let you know that it is an option. Hm, it looks like Tia Tomosan is currently rooming alone."

She flipped quickly through a slim file. Tia came from a long line of channelers. Strong and influential men and women, not just with the One Power but also in dedication and willpower. And so far, it seemed like Tia had inherited their strength of character. Of course, Mirin revealed none of this to the former Seanchan damane. Tia's family history was her own to reveal. And even with a great-great-grandmother as the current Amyrlin Seat, Tia would be judged by her own merits.

Mirin dipped her pen in the inkpot and scribbled a note. "Here," she said. "This is your new room number. You may move immediately. I will send Tia a message as well." She handed the parchment to Torianin, and then returned to her seat, her hands folded neatly in her lap.

"Is there anything that you would like to talk about Torianin? Have you found the Grey Tower tolerable? Do you miss your homeland at all?"

Leala
"The Path of Daggers"
Posts: 1191
Joined: October 8th, 2014, 3:13 am
PC: Leala Gymorraine, Aes Sedai of the White Ajah
SC: Torianin Soulane, Aes Sedai of the Red Ajah
TC: Jhanic, Asha'man of the Indigo Ajah
QC: Abby Soulane, Novice
Location: Tel'aran'rhiod

Re: The Past Invading (ATTN: Jenny)

Post by Leala » January 16th, 2016, 3:35 am

Torianin nodded when Mirin Sedai said that it would be acceptable to wait to volunteer with the orphans. She then moved on and found that a girl named Tia Tomosan was available to be a roommate. Suddenly, her heart began to race. What would this girl be like, she wondered. She knew the names of some of the novices, but she hadn't been at the Grey Tower for very long. She couldn't put the name to a face. Hopefully, this would be a good place to start. A clean slate. That calmed her a bit.

She took the slip of paper with the number on it and committed it to memory. Her mind raced as she thought of her first interactions with someone who would hopefully become her friend. She looked forward to it. Mirin Sedai then asked if she found her time at the Grey Tower "tolerable," or if she missed her homeland at all. That made her chuckle a bit. "The Grey Tower has its problems, it's true," she admitted, "but I much prefer this to my previous situation. I feel like I can grow into myself here...I hope." She shook her head and took a deep breath. "I will," she said, mostly to herself. "I have potential here, and that is a wonderful thing. Do I miss my homeland? No...I used to think about my family after I had been collared, but I knew that they had let go of me as soon as I had become damane. The Empire sent us here to take the lands back, but I don't think that will work. This place has a different kind of spirit than I think they expected. I'm honored that I can be a part of it, and I am grateful to the Grey Tower for taking me in."

She scratched her orange hair, which had thankfully begun to even out, now that she was allowed to care for it. Her world was moving in a positive way, but sometimes it was hard to remember that. "I just need to keep that in mind when I have moments like this last one..."
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Jenny
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Re: The Past Invading (ATTN: Jenny)

Post by Jenny » January 18th, 2016, 5:00 am

Mirin smiled. "I'm... glad that you feel that way. I must say that you're adjusting very well, Torianin. There are girls who have run away from here and must be brought back kicking and screaming. And there are others who leave as soon as they are able.

"Anyways," she clasped her hands together, "you also mentioned writing. Perhaps it can help you, as you say, keep things in perspective when you have stressful moments. Keeping a journal could help. Would you like one?"

She opened her drawer, rummaged around, and offered the novice a plain, leather-bound journal.

Then she continued, "You may go now, Torianin. I'm sure you have a busy list of chores to finish. Remember that I'm always here to listen. If you feel like you're being overwhelmed, please come by. I'm nearly always here."

Mirin stood and moved to embrace the young woman. Young woman.... ha! It was often difficult to judge due to the "slowing" effect of saidar on aging, but they were perhaps around the same age given the amount of time the former damane had spent being trained by the Seanchan. Still, the young Aes Sedai felt responsible for guiding Torianin. She hoped that her suggestions would be helpful.

Leala
"The Path of Daggers"
Posts: 1191
Joined: October 8th, 2014, 3:13 am
PC: Leala Gymorraine, Aes Sedai of the White Ajah
SC: Torianin Soulane, Aes Sedai of the Red Ajah
TC: Jhanic, Asha'man of the Indigo Ajah
QC: Abby Soulane, Novice
Location: Tel'aran'rhiod

Re: The Past Invading (ATTN: Jenny)

Post by Leala » January 18th, 2016, 3:40 pm

When Mirin Sedai offered her the journal, Torianin felt like perhaps she was on the right track. Only she could find out what she was lacking in this environment, and perhaps with this journal, she could figure out how to earn it. She felt like she wasn't just floundering and frustrated now. She had a path now, and perhaps soon, she would have a purpose. She blinked when Mirin stood up to embrace her. How long had it been since she had received a simple embrace? She remembered when Murdock placed an encouraging hand on her shoulder and she had flinched not too long ago. She had not meant to, but she had been so used to pain.

Torianin stood up as well and put her arms around the Aes Sedai as an embrace. She had heard other novices call touching the One Power embracing Saidar. It had not been called anything when she was in the collar, but she could see the effects now. Even just embracing another person out of affection, rather than desperation, as she had with other damane at time, it was something that she had not realized she had missed. Maybe making a new friend would not be so hard. She hoped not. "Thank you, Mirin Sedai. I will continue to try my hardest and make you proud." She smiled at the Mistress of Novices before she left her office. As she walked to her quarters to change rooms, she thought about the next thing in her schedule, helping the seamstresses with laundry.
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