Reflections (Open)

[Jack]

Jerid Walker Asha'man The cold air flowed around Jerid Walker as he stood on the battlements of the Grey Tower. Below him, the lights of Hama Valon shined in the clear night, bathed by the light of a full moon.

He was alone. The Indigo Asha'man could feel the knot that was Lysira in his mind. She was nearby, in the Tower, but he had politely insisted on a few hours of solitude.

Since his return and their reunion, he rarely was out of range of his Warder and wife's reach. In the last two decades, the Indigo had come to truly understand the value of a Warder, in no small part due to a Indigo Aes Sedai's final words to him before he left the Tower.

Tonight was an exception to the rule. Tonight was his name day, a date that very few ever knew about — and no one living.

It was a closely guarded secret, one of many Jerid Walker hid from most of the world. His gold-green eyes this night hinted his age, betraying the youthful expression most channelers gained after so many years.

The ageless look had not yet beset him, as opposed to many who were raised around his time so many years ago.

A few gray hairs, a few lines in the corner of his eyes, some scars well earned over the years, but he might as well have looked like a man in his thirties, slender for all the world to see.

He twisted the jade ring on his right index finger, near his wedding band. So many years had passed, so many faces come and gone. Most of his life had been in service of the Tower — in one form or fashion — that he forgot sometimes if there was any other portion.

There were moments when he recalled the thief he had been, in the Rahad of Ebou Dar, snatching purses or loot, or even fireworks. Then the Seanchan came, and his small band of like-hearted rogues became soldiers.

And then … a whirlwind of events, some of them blurred together, led him here to this night, so far from the home he once knew.

High Seat of a House he came to know again, Master of Soldiers, Keeper of the Archives. A husband twice, a father to wonderful children. Friend to a woman who was twice Amyrlin Seat/

But always a soldier in the end.

One who was growing old.

He remembered when the city below was only a glimmer in the eyes of the Hall of Sitters, when it was being built, and when the forces of the Fiery Serpent invaded its still unfinished borders. He was a Dedicated then — the oldest by far — already skilled enough to stand toe-to-toe with some of the Dreadlords who dared attack the Grey Tower.

From the ruins and rebuilding had grown a prosperous city that now included Elman's Creek. Crises came and went, including a near-brush of war with Tar Valon.

He even saw the destruction of his own ancestral home in the Caralain Grass at the destruction of a Seanchan army bent on the eradication of a man who had become a myth to them on this side of the Aryth Ocean.

Now they were helping to rebuild it, and with Jerid's blessing.

The Tower too had changed. New faces, old faces. Some were gone, some returned. Another friend was now Amyrlin Seat, much to his bemusement and perhaps her mortification. He had gotten that sense when the Hall summoned her there.

So much change.

He closed his gold-green eyes as a breeze picked up.

“Light, but when did the world grow and time fly by so quickly,” he murmured to himself.

The question was asked of himself and the person who intruded upon him. A hand strayed to the long knife at his side. He was not a fool who might believe that the Tower was absent of danger; experience had taught him otherwise.

[Roan]

A light wind played with Riahana's fancloak as she walked the battlements, sword at her hip, and bow in hand. Officially, she was not on duty, but Gareth was busy this night, and Einion had long ago retreated to his room, book in hand. She found she wasn't sleepy, and figured giving her time to the walls was better than tossing and turning in bed.

The night was cold enough to warrant more clothing, which the Gaidar Captain wore beneath her Fancloak. She also sported leather gloves, though they were not very thick, else they might interfere with her use of the bow. Ria scanned the land beyond the walls of the battlements, though tried not to linger too long as she looked towards Hama Valon, not wanting to hurt her night vision too much. She spared a glance towards the hall holding the Novice quarters and wondered how Tia was getting on.

There were moments when Ria couldn't believe her daughter now wore Novice White. She missed her daughter's presence in their family quarters, but couldn't help but be a little proud that her daughter would take after her Memma. At the same time, it left the Gaidar wondering where the time went.

An Asha'man had taken presence on the battlements, and Ria overheard him express essentially the very same sentiment that had just crossed her mind. Staying to his side, and making sure to be within his peripheral vision, Riahana answered, though part of her suspected it was a rhetorical question, "I ask myself the very same question nearly every time I look at my twins." Stepping up along side the man, and looking out towards the town, Ria continued, "Rarely do I feel as if I age, but then I turn around, and my daughter has a mind to join the yards. . .and when I blink, she's suddenly in Novice Whites while her brother soaks in every book he can get his hands on, growing wiser each and every day."

Casting a side-long glance towards the Asha'man, she added, "I sometimes wish the Wheel would slow its spin and let us enjoy some of these moments given us."

[Jack]

Jerid had become a very cautious man over the years, and for good reason. It was a trait, after all, that kept him breathing and his enemies nothing but memories and dust.

So when he saw the rippling of a fancloak and the somewhat disembodied head of its owner, he didn't necessarily relax at first. Then he recognized the vaguely familiar face when the young woman spoke.

She was wise, this one, not approaching directly from behind and always to the side. Jerid's mind roamed for the name of the Warder, recalling what time he did spend in the Yards.

Riahana, the Gaidar Captain. He knew of the name, though not entirely well.

Jerid's hand left the long knife and returned to the wall's ledge as he smiled at the woman's words. His gold-green eyes danced so very briefly at the thought.

“I often wished the same thing of my own children when I raised them,” Jerid murmured. “My own twins grew up in this Tower before my eyes, and before you knew it, my son signed the Soldier book and my daughter was married to a good man and raised many children.”

If the Asha'man was one to reveal things, one might have detected a bittersweet note in his voice.

Light, but that was ages ago now. It had to be. Beric and Angel were gone now in their own way, and not by natural causes. Those grandchildren that survived a massacre by the Shadow in the Caralain were doing well.

“It's the moments I sometimes wish the Wheel might have rewoven so I could have been part of, such as the growth of others, but they all turned out well in the end for the most part,” he added. “One son is like your own, apparently, soaking up knowledge and practically living in the Library; another earned the fancloak here after being tempered under Lord Caden Ives, and a third wears Novice white.”

His gold-green eyes fell on the city below.

“Even after 150 years, it's something that one never gets completely used to, except being proud of them,” he said. “But then, aren't we all proud of our children in the end?”

He gazed briefly at the young Warder and asked, “What brings the Gaidar Captain out here this night, if I might inquire?”

[Roan]

Ria couldn't help but smile when Jerid suggested all parents being proud of their children. It was another rhetorical question, though this time, she didn't answer, as he posed another one to her. She once again scanned the horizon as she answered, "The Gaidar Captain found she was far from sleepy, and distracting her Asha'man husband was not an option this night." Her thoughts went to the familiar presence she felt thanks to the bond, and couldn't help the warm smile. Gareth would not be working all night...just another hour or two, and perhaps then, she could distract him. The smile turned to a smirk.

"Instead of attempting to toss and turn, or pace our quarters, I figured I would be of more use out here, though I will admit I am hoping for a quiet watch," Ria admitted.

Realization dawned on the Gaidar Captain, and she looked back to Jerid, "I don't believe we have ever properly met, however your Warder and wife was my mentor when I was in the learning ranks, and also someone I've considered a friend. You clearly know who I am, but to make it official, Riahana Ferria, Gaidar Captain, at your service." She tilted her head ever so slightly, "And if I am not mistaken, you are Jerid Walker, Asha'man, yes?"

[Jack]

Jerid smiled faintly at the Gaidar's words, a ghost of an expression that was gone in the blink of an eye.

A quiet watch. The Indigo admired her optimism, even though he knew better than to ever hope for one of those in his life.

Those types of patrol often led to a knife in the back by a traitor and the gates being overrun.

“I've no doubt that if trouble does rear it's head, you'll be able to knock it on its rump,” Jerid murmured, his eyes still on the city below. The cold breeze around them didn't bother him, or at least he didn't allow himself to show being phased.

Lysira was in the back of his mind, as always alert but at the moment content. If it were any other night, he would be back in their apartments, eager to spend time with her and with Cade.

There are some things that are better to celebrate alone, or at least contemplate, rather than with loved ones, he thought.

Riahana's voice sparked him from his brief thoughts and he turned his head briefly, inclining his head slightly in acknowledgment.

“I recall hearing the occasional mention of you from time to time from her, Captain, and from other Warders,” the Indigo said. “As a I recall, a very promising Gaidar, archer and a skilled horsewoman who could give my oldest son a run for his money in mounted combat. And currently bonded to … Gareth Asha'man, if recall correctly.”

The golf flecks in his eyes flickered briefly in the light. “You would do your great-grandfather proud, with the role you hold now.”

His eyes returned to the city below.

“And yes, I would be Jerid Walker Asha'man, First Seeker of the Indigo Ajah,” he said in reply. “Though depending on the mood some others might be in, that name could begin or end with many expletives based on what actions I might have committed.”

He said the last with a wry smile. It was no secret that Jerid Walker wasn't a typical Indigo Asha'man, or the easiest person to get along with. Most days, one might have an easier task of punching through a mountain than making him budge on a decision.

“I remember when this city was just being built, the dream born of hopes and desires,” Jerid murmured. He pointed to one of the closest city squares. “During the Battle of the Lights, Caden Ives Gaidin and Miahala Ives Sedai rode from the gates through that plaza to engage the the Children of the Light and the dreadlord Malejien Ives, disguised as a Whitecloak commander. It was Miahala who destroyed the dreadlord, linked with two Dedicated.”

Jerid remembered the battle all too vividly, and the scene after Miahala destroyed the dreadlord. The man was nothing but bits of flesh and gore after he erupted from within.

“Now here it stands, a beacon for those who hope to make better lives for themselves, or at least start over,” Jerid murmured. “It's a nice thought.”

[Roan]

It was one of many battles Riahana heard about as a child, and it, along with the other tales she'd heard about her Great Grandmother were part of what inspired her to come to the Tower when she was not much older than her daughter. As she'd climbed through the learning ranks on her way to earning her Fancloak, Ria hoped to fight along side Miahala Sedai. Her dream seemed to perish when her Memma was killed those many decades ago, only to be reborn with Miahala's return from the dead. It made little sense to Ria, but then the Wheel and its Ways tended to be a mystery for the Gaidar.

The Asha'man seemed to be more than a bit introspective, and it was not lost on Riahana. She looked towards Hama Valon as she responded, "We see all manner of person come here to become something more than they currently are. . .those who join the Warder Yards aim to become Gaidin or Gaidar, and prove themselves worth of the Fancloak. There is no doubt more than one have joined our ranks to start over, and leave some unspoken and forsaken life behind." She paused a moment, and looked towards the Novice and Dedicated quarters, "Those who are meant to become Aes Sedai and Asha'man have less of a choice in the matter, though this place does offer them a new start."

Riahana couldn't help a small smile as her thoughts went to Tia. Her daughter didn't necessarily need a new start, though her life took a slightly surprising turn when it was found she could channel. Always active, and athletic, Tia tended to live in trousers of some description, and the idea of a dress made the girl shudder somewhat. Ria teased it was character building, though her daughter didn't see the humor in the joke.

Looking to Jerid, Ria offered a small smile, "To an outsider looking in, I would hazard a guess that you are feeling something of a mix of nostalgia and introspection. . .which begs the question. . .what brings you to the battlements this night, Jerid Walker, Asha'man and First Seeker of the Indigo?"

[Jack]

Jerid's mind wrapped around Riahana's first comment as he observed the dim lights of the city below.

He had been such a person once upon a time — a young thief filled with revenge over the loss of a loved one, on the run from the Seanchan, months removed from Ebou Dar and the Rahad, and so very tired.

Granted, he didn't have much say about staying while he was still a Soldier. He was a wilder, one who learned quickly to overcome a block and picked up things at an alarming rate.

In the beginning, he chafed under rules and regulations, rebelled where he could, and still had the reputation as a one of the longest initiates to be raised to Asha'man. Yet at the same time, whilst still a Dedicated, he had started a family, learned the existence of and reconnected with his birth family, and yielded so much more.

The Grey Tower had become his home, and the place that caused so much grief at the same time.

“You'd be surprised how much the Yards share with those channelers who come of their own free will,” Jerid murmured. “Many boys and young men passed through my door whilst I served as Master of Soldiers, and I did my best to guide them in their new lives.”

The Gaidar Captain's question did cause him to look away. He turned his head slightly, his gold-green eyes focused directly on her. There was a time when his glance made Learning Ranks reconsider pranks they were only just beginning to plan, or informed Seanchan Seekers for Truth of their impending demise.

“It's this day that brought me up here, Captain,” he said. “On this day, albeit several years apart, my son and daughter died.”

While it might be his name day, it was also their's as well. And it was the day they died. The Wheel did seem to have a sense of bittersweet irony at times.

“Beric and Angel were born to my first wife and I whilst I was still a Dedicated and she already a Gaidar,” he murmured. “I left this Tower later on — while still a Dedicated — after my wife passed and my children were perhaps 16. Beric was a wilder and so opted to stay, the responsible thing to do for a child of the Tower, and with my blessing. I took my daughter and left for my House Walker's manor in the Caralain Grass.”

Jerid's eyes hardened and he looked beyond the city, to the fields and forest beyond. “The Seanchan Siege came but a few years later. Apparently news returned that a sortie of Asha'man and Aes Sedai looking for stray learning ranks ran into an approaching army. The Asha'man were killed on the spot, and the Aes Sedai leashed. My son was a Soldier then, one of those who volunteered for a rescue mission. He died saving his group.”

He paused only briefly. “I wouldn't find out until months afterwards. The Tower couldn't risk sending anyone to inform a wayward Dedicated, and I was in the Aiel Waste at the time it happened. When I did, it was Aden Cole Asha'man who delivered the news. Perhaps it was best I didn't learn about it until then, because I would have returned to the Tower to ensure not one last Seanchan survived.”

By then Jerid had already become a ghost story Seanchan parents told their children on this side of the Aryth Ocean. Such stories turned into legend as the decades passed: The golden-eyed demon will come for Seanchan children who misbehave, for he has slain and eaten thousands already. Beware the demon who breathes fire and calls down lightning like a damane.

“My daughter grew up, married a good man of the Queen's Guard of Andor, and raised many children,” Jerid murmured. “The Black Ajah threatened her life and all those I loved if I didn't remove my name from those who would be called as Master of Soldiers. I was arrogant enough to believe that I could protect them all and still serve.”

He had been wrong. His oldest grandson was attacked in the Halls and lived only because Caden Ives killed the would-be assassin.

“It was with your great-grandmother and grandfather that I Traveled to the Caralain not long after I assumed that office, only to be greeted by the bodies of most of my loved ones, including my daughter, many of my grandchildren and siblings. They were killed by the one who claimed the title of the Fiery Serpent. It was a death house, save for the lives of three of my grandchildren who had hidden upstairs.”

It was that night Jerid became High Seat of his House.

“They died decades apart, my twins, and on the same day as they were born,” Jerid murmured. “What brings me to the battlements is the reflection of that day, and the oath I swore.”

It was no secret Jerid Walker was different than most Indigo Asha'man and Aes Sedai. He was one of the Tower's most experienced battle channelers, more a soldier than one devoted to Talents or objects of the One Power. While his early treaties and reports were on those latter theories, his later works were much more … martial.

Some of his brethren at the time joked he was the perfect weapon to keep the Green Ajah from mocking the Indigo too much. He could likely hold his own against Miahala or Saphire if necessary (he knew otherwise because both were much more powerful and of an age with him).

“Reflection is good for he soul, Captain, but one must do it away from loved ones lest it create a toxic atmosphere,” he murmured. “I must also remind myself that the actions conducted by myself during the war against the Shadow are sometimes necessary.”

[Roan]

Riahana listened as the Asha'man wove his tale. Some might say the Wheel was cruel and twisted, but it was too simple to think such things. Life would be a series of challenges for everyone, though some people faced harder challenges than others. Reflecting on 'what was' or 'what could have been' was part of human nature. Taking stock of where you are today, and where you came from could often offer clarity.

Reflecting on her own life, Ria knew she'd not faced near the number of toils Jerid Walker Asha'man had. . .but he was many years older, and it seemed the life of channelers could often be filled with one conflict or tragedy after another. Was she naive to think not all reflections would be so . . .morose?

While Jerid spoke, Ria's eyes continued to scan beyond the walls, her senses sharp as any Gaidar should be. Once Jerid finished speaking, she spared a glance his way, "Do not forget that those loved ones can also sometimes offer you support to strengthen your own resolve, Asha'man. I agree it is sometimes wise to step away when thoughts turn so dark, but do not forget those who would be at your side during the biggest challenges or hardships.

"As for questioning actions when fighting those who threaten the fabric of all we stand for. . .it is a slippery slope to doubt one's self. I do not know what you have been through or what you have done, so perhaps I do not know of what I speak. We have many who train in the Yards in an effort to gain the Fancloak, and if you were to look at our latest cadre of Drin', you would think many weren't old enough to shave. They have not yet killed a human, and yet the goal they seek to achieve will mean they will face Shadowspawn and Shadowfriend. Killing a man is different to killing a beast of the blight, and I suspect nearly every one of them will underestimate their reaction when they must first take a life," Ria continued, realizing she was rambling a bit.

"I am perhaps a bit off topic, though my point is. . .stay true to the man you are, and to the fight we face each and every day. If you must do something that seems perhaps grey within the moral realm. . .know you have those around you who can help guide your hand. What I know of you, Jerid Walker Asha'man, is that you are fiercely loyal to those close to you. Do not over-think past actions, as it does not serve you, or those around you."

[Jack]

Jerid looked at the Gaidar Captain and for a moment he blinked and saw someone else. Instead of a young woman, there stood a tall man with wheat hair and two faces. One half handsome and the other scarred, a one-eyed stare daring him to look away.

In his entire life, Jerid Walker had met too few people who demanded respect from the second he met them, or commanded loyalty. The man who had been this girl's assumed great-grandfather was one of them, and so had her great-grandmother.

It had taken time for Amora to earn his trust and respect. And where most would pity or run or look away from the Freak of the Yards, the Indigo stood and met and welcomed the man's advise without a blink.

The First Seeker smiled faintly. “You sound so much like both of them,” Jerid said. “Her spirit and his intuition of the Yards. It's no wonder my son Sojin looks up to you.”

He raised a finger. “If he hears that those words come from me, I'll risk your husband's wrath to have your hide as my saddle,” he said frankly. To be fair, an angry Yellow was more fearsome than any Green.

But Riahana's words did have an impact on him.

“I felt once the same about my Soldiers, you know,” he murmured. “I did my best to see that their training was different from that which the Black Tower taught, up until the White Tower started to take our own people. We nearly declared war on Tar Valon and I ordered one of my Dedicated to begin teaching the lower male ranks lessons he learned during his time at the Black Tower.”

He wasn't exactly proud of that moment, but we was thankful none of his Soldiers had to take any lives with the lessons learned. But things didn't stop there.

“After that incident … I trusted a close friend's advise and ordered that training to continue. It turns out that friend was Black Ajah and attempted a circle to ensnare me to his side …” His smile faded. Selan, the Grey who had been his friend, died along with all 13 channelers and 13 Fades once they triggered the Wards Jerid had set.

“You're right. We should not forget who we are at heart nor doubt the things we must do,” he murmured, once more looking over the city below them.

He pushed away from the wall and nodded respectfully, “Thank you for the conservation, Captain, and I bid your night be peaceful and without incident … and that your enemies be clumsy and loud. And may the Light grace your husband and children.”

Jerid was a few steps away when he he stopped and turned, half-facing Riahana.

“A favor, Captain. Give my son a kick in the rear some day soon. Sojin Majere might appear content to be unbonded, but he's afraid. His bond to Saphire en'Damier Sedai ended when he — as he says — ran away and he has not seen himself worthy of a bond ever since. From the way he protected Miahala during her blatant jump into the Borderland skirmish and the idiotic attempt on her life by a Shadowsworn Dedicated, he's more than capable. Light, the man rescued Saphire en'Damier from a circle when he was still a Ji'alantin.”

He turned then, walking away.

[Roan]

Riahana listened as Jerid requested she give Sojin Majere a kick in the arse, in a sense. She couldn't help the small smirk that crossed her lips. There were more than a few unbonded Warders that fell under her command, and while some hadn't been chosen or a bond, there were those who seemed reluctant to form a bond with a channeler. It was, needless to say, a big commitment, as forging a bond with someone means you would give your very life to protect theirs. . .without hesitation and without question.

Those who came to the Warder Yards, and signed the books to ultimately earn the fancloak did so with the knowledge that their ultimate duty was to protect the Aes Sedai and Asha'man of the Tower. While the Gaidin and Gaidar remained unbonded, they fell under her command, but she would rather see more of them bonded, performing the duty they were trained to do. Ultimately, though, she knew it was not so simple.

Bonding with someone went both ways. Trust was a must, given that Warders swore their very lives to protect their Wards. Not all bonds led to romantic ties, but many did. At the very least, there needs to be a mutual respect. It would not do any one any good to have a channeler and Warder who hated each other bonded to one another.

Both the channeler and warder had to be ready for such a commitment. Ria knew Sojin stepped up to fight along side her great grandmother. Part of the Gaidar wondered if there might be something more there than met the eye, but it was none of her business, really. Never mind the thought of her Great Grandmother in any sort of romantic context. Children did not like to think of their elders in such situations, and Ria realized that it didn't matter how much older she got, she still had no desire to think of her parents, or great grandmother in any sort of sexual encounter.

The Gaidar Captain gave an internal shudder, and let her smirk grow a little bit more as she watched the Asha'man depart. What direction would Sojin go? Could she push him to find a bond-mate? Time would tell.

Placing her gloved hands on the stone wall, Ria turned to gaze over Hama Valon and let her thoughts drift as they might. She took great comfort of the bundle at the back of her mind that was Gareth. He would be done in the infirmary soon. . .and she would be in their quarters. . .in their bedroom, waiting for him.