The Grey Tower

Hard labour was par for the course as far as being a Wise One's apprentice was concerned, so the chores handed to the apprentices of the Grey Tower was not an unwelcome change to Zarayne. She scrubbed cookpots, chamber pots, floors, anything with a surface that could shine when polished. Raking leaves and dead flowers had been an interesting task at first, but Zee soon became accustomed to the variety of flora that dotted the Grey Tower's gardens. There were also more idiosyncratic tasks, like delivering meals and sending messages. These were the domain of the gai'shain, not that the Aes Sedai had any gai'shain. For her own part, Zarayne never wished to shame herself into a gai'shain's dress again.

Today was to be a day of scrubbing floors, in the halls of the Brown Ajah. She hadn't formed an opinion about the Browns yet, not that she would have voiced any thoughts. For her, it just meant that it was earthen coloured tiles that needed scouring, instead of red or indigo or grey. She hoisted a bucket of soapy water down one end of her assigned corridor, only to find another bucket there already. And another novice. Zarayne stopped in her tracks as the novice's face came into view.

She knew the girl more by name than by face. She had blurted it out during the night when a gaggle of learning ranks had got together in the Tower's gardens. "I am Kaira Darrow", she had proudly proclaimed. Even the memory of that night still sent a haunting shiver through the Aielwoman.

Zarayne made her feet work again as Kaira Darrow spotted her. At that point, there was nothing to do but face the girl head on.

"Hello, I am Zarayne," she stated a touch forcefully. "You are Kaira Darrow, Ravak Darrow's... daughter?"

She didn't want to hear the answer.

Scrub dub dub. Kaira knelt on the tiled floors of the Brown Ajah and worked as quickly as she dared. Unlike some of the other novices, she never complained about chores. Why waste time talking when she could be working twice as fast to finish the job? And besides, she had faced worse than a few sore muscles from weeding the gardens or reddened kneecaps from kneeling on floors.

And so she didn't look up at the approaching footsteps until they stopped and she heard a clack of a bucket on the floor. That's when she glanced up. And up. And up. Light, the woman was tall! Kaira straightened and sat back on the heels of her feet. There was something strange about the way Zarayne introduced herself, but Kaira brushed it off as awkwardness. Still, she remained wary. There were some who thought to seek favors of the Gaidin Captain's daughter, as if she had any influence with her father! A stupid idea, and one that she had quickly learned to deflect.

"Light illumine you, Zarayne," she said. "Yes, I am his daughter. Why do you ask?"

As she spoke, she examined the strange woman before her. Zarayne wore pristine novice whites and held herself with a sort of stiff-necked pride. The height and flame red hair marked her as Aiel. Kaira remembered that Zarayne had been present that night in the garden gathering, though she could not recall much else. There had been alcohol flowing and Kaira had definitely become too drunk. She shrugged and dipped her cleaning rag back into the bucket.

"You can do that side of the hall. I'd rather get this over with and done quickly."

Zarayne didn't move at Kaira Darrow's instruction. She was still reeling from the sliver of hope that the girl had just now snatched away from her. Twenty-one years had been plenty of time for the Aielwoman to accept both her father's absence and his trespasses against the Aiel. But this, that he had another family? The few days since the impromptu party was not enough time to stomach this new information. She didn't see it as a fully formed image, but Zee pictured her father and Kaira Darrow, and her mother and other siblings.

Something lurched in the pit of her stomach.

Finally the other half of Kaira's speech filtered through, and Zarayne lifted the bucket to take it down to the other side of the hall. But her feet didn't shift as she continued to look, now uncertainly, at her pale companion. She couldn't help but search for comparisons between Kaira Darrow and her own reflection.

"What is he like?" Zarayne asked. "What sort of person is Ravak Darrow?" What sort of father have I missed out on came an unvoiced thought, but she quickly stuffed that away. Sinead had been everything she had needed from the day she was born to the day she left Shienar. Even now Zarayne was being guided by her mother's teachings, advice and guidance. A shame that Sinead's daughter had never learnt the gift of subtlety.

Kaira paused and looked up again, this time with suspicion. Why was Zarayne so concerned about her father? But suspicion did not prevent her telling Zarayne of facts that were already public knowledge. After all, if Zarayne had only now found out that Ravak had a daughter, there was no telling what other pieces of information she was missing.

"He is the current Gaidin Captain of the Tower," she said. "And before that, he was the Master of Training for a number of years. I suppose that's how he met my mother, who was the Mistress of Novices at the time. He grew up in Shienar, though his father is from Andor. He has a twin sister, Elia Sedai. They are nothing alike."

Then abruptly she smiled. Her grey eyes gleamed with pride.

"My father is the bravest man I know," she said. "And one of the finest fighters of the Tower. He saved dozens of children in Hama Valon when the Seanchan attacked. And as a teacher, he is strict but kind. I know that from experience, when he taught me how to fight. You won't find a more honorable man than my father."

The first burst of information was mostly meaningless wetlander knowledge. Zarayne didn't care for the names and titles Kaira Darrow's father held, and less so for Kaira's mother. She already knew her father's heritage, and about his sister. Mother had spoken warmly about Elia Darrow.

It was the pause and the smile that alerted Zarayne to danger. Not physical danger, but the proud litany of Ravak Darrow's deeds that flowed from his daughter. She shifted her weight from one foot to another. What did I want to hear? That Ravak Darrow had been a poor man to both of his daughters? Zarayne didn't know if that should have merited shame, or if she could feel relief that Kaira had been spared a life without a dad.

Zarayne moved to the other end of the corridor with her bucket, eyes unfocused as she processed what was occurring. She had a half-sister in this Kaira Darrow. Her father had taken a wife that was not her mother Sinead. And Ravak Darrow was not entirely without honour, although he certainly lacked plenty.

The lanky novice kneeled down on the ground and started to scrub away at the floor. She moved mechanically as her thoughts swirled and coalesced. What do I do now? Continue as before, ignoring the man who had forgotten about her? Forget about Kaira Darrow and the woman who should be Sinead's sister-wife? How long would her apprenticeship take, and how often would she have to lie to protect this secret? The floor took the brunt of Zarayne's confusion as she tackled the task at hand with vigour.

Long minutes passed in relative silence, beyond the sound of scrubbing, and the footfalls of a Dedicated who stormed through without pause or care for where he stepped. Zarayne stared at his back as he stepped over the ground she had just cleaned. As he departed, her gaze shifted back to Kaira.

Again, the question arose. Do I say anything? Who was hurt and who was protected by saying nothing? Or was the question did Ravak Darrow deserve to know? No answers seemed forthcoming, but the silence was terrible.

"Do you have siblings, Kaira Darrow?" It seemed to tread the ground between the useful and the mundane conversation of wetlanders.

Kaira glared at the retreating backside of the Dedicated who had stormed through the hall. She stuck out her tongue at the man, and then lugged her bucket around.

“Blasted man! How rude,” she said. “Now we have to clean that part again.”

She set herself back to scrubbing away at the floors. A few seconds of silence passed. Abruptly, Zarayne spoke.

“Do you have siblings, Kaira Darrow?”

Siblings? Kaira had never thought of having siblings. It wasn't something that her father ever brought up. She looked up in surprise to stare into the other girl’s face. There was something strange in Zarayne’s expression, almost as if she teetered at the precipice of a decision, like a guilty child who had a secret that she wanted to spill...

Kaira blinked. No, she must be imagining it. It was her own wistfulness speaking. She sighed and shifted her weight on her knees. If she had a sibling, maybe she wouldn't have been so lonely as a child.

“No, I don't,” she said. "It would have been nice, but my mother died soon after I was born and my father doesn't have any other children.”

She shrugged and then laughed. Her lips parted in a crooked grin and her eyes sparkled with energy and good humor.

“I don’t imagine my father would decide to have another child. I've caused enough trouble for him growing up. How about you? Do you have any siblings? Oh, if you do, then you simply must tell me all about him, or her, and what it is like to have a brother or sister.”

No siblings. And no mother. Zarayne adjusted the mental picture, reducing it down to the light-haired novice and the tattooed Gaidin. Just one parent and no siblings. Like me and mum.

The comparison sent a shiver up her spine.

The laughter irritated Zarayne like a ingrown nail would have. It was painful and uncomfortable, but it wasn't the toe's fault. Kaira Darrow did not mean to cause harm, but her words still hurt Zarayne. Ravak Darrow would not have enough child? Because he has one daughter, or he knows he has two? Clearly shame had not put him off fatherhood for life, as Kaira was clearly a few years Zee's junior.

The Aiel tried to ignore Kaira's attention and her words, renewing her attack against the floor. But images flickered in her mind of Kaira and her father, of Zarayne and her mother. Of Ravak and Sinead, then Kaira and Zarayne. They were fantasties, a series of 'what ifs' that were already 'never weres'. There was no Ravak Darrow and Sinead; no Zarayne and her wetlander sister. She struggled with the upset and with the fury, both pressing against an internal dam that could only hold back so much.

So Kaira Darrow wants to know about my siblings? Zarayne had no siblings! How could she have siblings when her father abandoned her mother, leaving her in the Three-fold Land alone! He didn't care for Sinead, and he certainly didn't care for her, if he even knew she existed at all! Her arm started to hurt from the vigour she was throwing into her actions.

The dam burst. Zarayne punched the floor, with the cloth barely muting the pain of striking floor tiles. The Aielwoman rose to her feet, fists balled up in fury. A small voice shouted that her anger was misplaced and illogical, but the torrent of grief and anger drowned that reasoning out.

"I didn't ask for a sister! I didn't ask for a father!" She spat the words venomously. "I didn't ask for this!" She stretched her arms out, indicating the walls of the corridor, but meaning the Grey Tower. A moment later and he punched one of the walls with the bottom of her hand. "I shouldn't even be here! I am not my mother!" If anything, that last statement was the one that sounded the most resentful.

Zarayne immediately slumped to the floor as the torrent of rage was utterly consumed. A sharp jolt of pain bloomed as her knees struck the ground, but the pain brought a little clarity. She dunked the cloth into the bucket, soaking a few inches of dress in the soapy water, then returned with little enthusiasm to her chore.

At the sudden outburst, Kaira leapt to her feet and drew back in self-defense. Her hand flew to the knife tucked into her belt. But when she saw Zarayne collapse, she threw caution to the wind and moved across the hall to crouch by the taller girl. She placed a hand on the girl's shoulder.

"Zarayne! Oh no! Are you alright? Let me see your hands."

Her knuckles were mildly red and starting to swell from where she had struck the floor. Kaira turned the hand to look at the palm. Gently, she pressed down at the base of the wrist and watched Zarayne's face for signs of discomfort.

"Does that hurt? You need to be Delved. No? Hm, it is your choice. But I think that you should check to make sure you didn't break a bone. You hit the floor really hard. Did I upset you? I'm sorry... I won't mention it again."

She hesitated and glanced down both ends of the hall. Seeing that the hall was empty, she spoke in a quiet, low tone.

"You are not your mother," she said, firmly. "And I am not mine, either. Was your mother an Aes Sedai, too?"

Zarayne let her arm go limp as Kaira Darrow examined it for injury. There was pain for certain, but she didn't know or care whether anything was broken. Heat seemed to tingle from Kaira Darrow's touch, but Zee was confident it wasn't the Power. There was no glow around either novice. It's just numbness from punching the wall, she reasoned.

Zarayne shook her hair away from her face and looked at Kaira Darrow. Really looked. The flame-haired Aielwoman saw little by way of a familiar feature on the girl's face. Kaira was paler than herself, and lacked the freckles that gave Zarayne a touch of colour even here in the south. Her eyes were a pale grey instead of a vivid green, and her hair was dark like other wetlanders. Nothing in evidence to say they shared any heritage with one another.

She would have been happier just continuing her chore in silence, but Kaira had not actually done anything wrong, Zarayne realised. And she had asked a question. It would have been rude not to answer.

She spoke without a touch of emotion. "My mother was an Accepted. Her name is Sinead of the Chumai sept of the Taardad Aiel. She left the Grey Tower for the Three-fold Land after the Wise Ones reached out to her in Tel'aran'rhiod." Zarayne looked into Kaira's eyes. There was nothing there, no spark of recognition, no digging for a hidden meaning. Was it right to withhold what she knew from her sister, or was it worse to reveal it?

Zarayne pursed her lips.

"A Gaidin accompanied my mother into the Three-fold Land. He shared your name." She paused, but the snow had already stared to fall from the sky. There was no way to catch it now. "His name was Ravak Darrow."

Sinead... the name sounded familiar. Ah yes, the Three-fold Land. That was the Aiel name for the desert that lay far to the east, beyond the great city of Caemlyn and across the Spine of the world. Kaira frowned. Her father did mention traveling there once, when he was a young Gaidin. That was where he had received the glittering golden tattoo that wound its way up his right arm. And she remembered that he had said that he was following a woman...

But there had not been a child. Kaira froze.

"What are you implying?" she asked, slowly.

Zarayne looked deep into Kaira's eyes.

"Your father escorted my mother into the Three-fold Land," she said.

Kaira tightened her grip on Zarayne's shoulder. No. That was what had happened - the cold, hard facts. But the implication was something entirely different. Zarayne's vehement statements echoed in her mind: I didn't ask for a sister!

Kaira gritted her teeth. Her fingers dug into Zarayne's arm and pulled. Chores and classes could wait. She wanted an answer. No, she needed an answer. And there was only one place to find it.

"Come on," she said. "We're going to see my father."