An Inauspicious Return

[Jiggity]

Avram

Avram stood outside the Mistress of Training's door, steeling himself to enter. He was still in his traveling clothes, not having an opportunity to get a proper uniform on his way to Riahana Gaidin's office. He had at least learned that she was Mistress of training now. Not that finding his mentor was going to be the one to discipline him for his years of absence was a good thing. If he had learned one thing about her then, it was that she was fair. And fairness was not really going to be in his favor at this point.

The penalties for running away were always harsh, and they didn't get easier on the learning ranks as they advanced or the time away got longer. He didn't know how coming back would change the results, but he doubted it would get him out of much.

Finally he breathed in, formed a flame in his mind, and formed the void. Detached now, he walked in and stood in front of the desk. "Avram Ji'val, returning to the Tower Riahana Gaidin." His eyes kept trying to explore the room, to focus on the books on the wall, the well kept weapons rack, but he kept forcing them back to the woman sitting behind the desk. "I expect I have some penances coming my way." If I can even stay now. He suddenly wished he had taken the time to find a uniform, or that he had kept one of his from before, instead of the mess he was wearing, travel-stained and very well worn. Or time to wash his face. Or generally make himself at all presentable for what might decide the course of his life.

[Roan]

Riahana Gaidin

Paperwork was the norm when one was an administrator at the Grey Tower. Riahana thought she would have had more paperwork as Mistress of Arms, but she was convinced the piles of papers and forms were breeding on her desk since she’d become Mistress of Training. She planned on getting a few more requisitions done when there was a knock on her door.

Looking up, Bastian Ji’val announced the arrival of Avram Ji’val. Ria kept her expression impassive as she instructed the other Ji’val to enter. She folded her hands and placed them on her desk as she watched Avram approach her desk. She listened as he spoke of penance coming his way, but said nothing for several seconds.

Truth be told, she was surprised to see Avram standing before her. He went missing at a time of chaos, and wasn’t the only one to disappear. Some were people who decided life at the Tower was too challenging, others. . .others were found dead as search and rescue efforts continued. Ria wondered what had happened to the Ji’val, and hoped he hadn’t been one of the unidentified dead.

Tilting her head slightly, Ria finally spoke, “When I was Ji’val, I took a leave of absence after a particularly trying time. I came back once I got things straight in my own mind, but I also requested to go on leave. You just walked away. Explain yourself.”

[Jiggity]

Avram

There wasn't really any other question for her to ask, was there? He firmed the void around him and took a moment to form his thoughts before he spoke. "There isn't really an acceptable answer to that question, is there?" I certainly wouldn't think of one he thought. "But... I don't truly know. I was already feeling useless and helpless after the Seanchan attack, and then the destruction... It was too much for me. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think, I couldn't... anything. If I had had to form any sort of plan, I truly believe I would have simply been stuck. As it was, I had had plans to get out if necessary since I came here. That had seemed... reasonable when I came. If you remember my history." His life before the tower had been a long series of precipitous departures, and eventually the lesson to be prepared for them had stuck. "So I just... did it. And slowly, I started thinking again. Eventually, I realized the only place for me, the only place that mattered to me, was back here. I uh." He paused, trying to decide if it was worth bringing up. Why not.

He fished in his scrip for a second and pulled out a journal, well bound in leather with extremely thin pages. "I ended up with the Whitecloaks. Not fighting for them, but secretarial. And I did what I did best, gathering information." He raised the book. "I have 3 or 4 of these with what I learned, commanders of whitecloak forces, locations, training schedules, logistics shipments. And I realized, there's no need for that unless I had someone in mind to give it to. So I" He trailed off for a minute. "I came back." He said finally.

Riahana Gaidin had been his mentor, but he hadn't connected to her that well. He hadn't really connected with anyone. He wasn't sure how much she knew about his intelligence gathering here, but he trusted her more than almost anyone in the Tower. "I want to be useful. That was what brought me back. I thought I got over being out for myself, but when I panicked I ran for my bolthole without even thinking. I want to be done with that. I can do good here, real good. And uh. I don't know if that's enough for you to let me stay, but I aim to prove it to you, whatever that takes." He blinked, still holding the book. He hadn't meant to go on like that. He took what he hoped was an unobtrusive breath and settled himself, waiting for her decision.

[Roan]

Riahana Gaidin

The Mistress of Training let the Void fold around her at the mention of the Whitecloaks. She studied Avram as he explained he worked for the Whitecloaks, and used his time to gather information. He spied on them without them ever realizing he was doing it, or who he was, which was impressive in its own right. Had he been caught. . .well, he wouldn’t be standing in front of her.

Running her finger tips along her jaw, Riahana considered what Avram said. . .not just about his time in the service of the Whitecloaks, but also about wanting to do more, and be part of something bigger. Letting go a long breath, she chose her words carefully, “You are not the only one who felt overwhelmed by the events that happened. You forgot the resources here at the Tower that are meant to help you through those moments. All it takes is knowing you need help and then asking for it, and it would be given.”

She let those words sink in for several moments before continuing, “I know asking for help isn’t always easy, but it is a trait everyone needs to learn, even Gaidin, Aes Sedai and Asha’man. There is no shame in seeking help. . .especially when the world seems at its darkest. If you truly wish to return, then you need to make a pledge to yourself that you will seek help when you feel lost and uncertain. Can you do that?”

The Gaidin nodded to the journal Avram held, “The information you have in that and the other journals would be of use. Are you willing to relinquish them to me?”

[Jiggity]

Avram

She believes me. The thought was almost surprised, floating across the surface of the void. She was right, of course. Had he not been struggling with himself at the time, had he paid more attention to the Yellow instead of treating them like a curiosity, he would have known that he could have gotten help. It hadn't even remotely crossed his mind as an option. "Mistress, frankly I think that I probably still need it now. I feel more sure of myself, but I haven't felt settled in my mind since I faced the to'raken. Ask for it when I need it? Light, as soon as you give me leave to go, I will walk myself into the infirmary and speak with the Yellow on duty!" He was almost surprised to find he meant it. The option of help was tantalizing now that it had been put into his head.

She's asking? "Gaidin, I would hardly have come back to wave these in your face and say you couldn't have them." He pulled out the rest of the set, leaving his bag distinctly empty looking and placed them on her desk. "There are a couple of names in there that could be useful to the Tower. I don't know who handles eyes and ears here, but I would be more than happy to do what I can to expand the network there." For the first time since he'd walked in he smiled, albeit very grimly. "Whitecloaks always need an eye kept on them."

He hesitated. "You have asked me to take care of myself. I certainly intend to do this, both because you have told me to and because I want to. But... you have not spoken of consequences. I know the rules, and I broke them, whatever the circumstances. What is to be my punishment?"

[Roan]

Riahana Gaidin

The Mistress of Training eyed the stack of journals now on her desk as the back of her mind raced. There were a number of people at the Tower that would be interested to learn of their new source of intelligence on the Whitecloaks, and that Avram infiltrated their ranks so easily would also be of interest. Part of her wondered if the man who kidnapped her was mentioned in those journals at all, though she realized while it was entirely possible, she wouldn’t even know it if she read his name. She didn’t know it. Just his face and his voice.

Turning her attention from the journals to Avram, she replied, “I will keep your offer in mind.

“With regards to penance,” she started then let go a heavy sigh. Punishment was hers to dole out, but she didn’t enjoy it, as it meant, in her mind, she’d failed those under her guidance. “Two months on the farm for heavy labor. You aren’t to leave the farm except to return here when your two months is up. After that, once you are back at the Tower proper, you will be restricted to the Tower grounds. Hama Valon will be off limits to you until I decide otherwise. Do you understand?”

[Jiggity]

Avram

She stared at the books for a moment longer than Avram expected. Something I don't know about is going on there. He had been gone for too long. He'd need to start... mentally, he shook his head. This was what had gotten him in trouble in the first place. This was home.

"Two months at the farm, restricted to the grounds until further notice. Understood." He nodded sharply. It was fair enough. Lighter than he'd expected, and he was going to stay. That was what really mattered here. The thought was comforting enough to offset two months of hard labor and light food, with what was certain to be a hard task master. They didn't put people in charge of the farm that would go easy on its occupants.

He hesitated a moment. But this was home. "Mistress Riahana, did something happen with the Whitecloaks? The Light knows they hate us enough, but... Forgive me, but you had a look about you when you were thinking about them." His palms were sweaty, even floating in the void. His body knew enough to be nervous, even if the nerves were all pressing on the outside of the void, instead of inside it with him.

[Roan]

Riahana Gaidin

Did something happen with the Whitecloaks?

It was an innocent and valid question, but what happened with her and the Whitecloak seeking vengeance for the death of his son wasn’t something Ria discussed with just anyone. The Gaidin shook her head, “No, nothing has happened with the Whitecloaks with regards to the Tower. There is nothing you need to concern yourself with at this point in time.

“Given your time with them, I am sure your services will be called upon once you’ve served your penance. Be aware you will be under more scrutiny than most Drin for some time to come. You’ve got to prove yourself. . .not just to me, but to the rest of your sword brothers and sisters. We all need to know you’re here for good. . .that you are committing yourself to the greater good and won’t just turn tail when things start to get tough.

“Life here at the Tower is not an easy life, but it was never meant to be. We need people in our ranks who are willing to put everything on the line to protect the Tower or their Channelers, or both. You’ve got a lot to prove in the coming days and months. Focus on that, ok?” Ria explained. She didn’t intend to sound harsh, but she needed to drive the point home. It was a point she had driven home to her when she returned after her leave of absence, and it felt as if she’d come full circle to give him the same advice.