The Grey Tower

He was back, and strangely it felt like coming home.

It had been a long journey for Vance, and as he made his way to the Master at Arms office he was gripped by a terror that he was about to lose another place he called home. The remnants of the farmhouse where he had grown up still haunted his thoughts, but he tried to push them aside. It had been been months, almost a year, and though nothing in the Tower looked different, he felt different. He wondered if he looked any different, not including the dust and raggedly clothing he wore. He still harboured some anger towards the Aes Sedai and Asha'men who had not helped, but what was one farmstead to them, he knew.

He arrived at the door, the one he wanted, and he knocked. Three raps of his knuckles on the wood, before he waited for the permission to enter. He liked Amayani do Ciresh a'Sorene, she was fair, strict and had always been nice to him. He did not want to see anger, or disappointment in her eyes, but he knew he deserved no less. He reached up and touched the Hadori at his brow and closed his eyes.

Would he lose two homes in one year?

"Enter."

Yani spoke without looking up from her desk, the pen scribbling down words on the paper in front of her. She heard the door open and feet shuffling a bit nervously into her office. Who's done what now.. she thought silently as she finished the note, quite certain it was a trainee having done something stupid. What had been done now, that required her attention, instead of it being handled by the Mistress of Training? Or was Ubriel unavailable at the moment, and that was why the trainee was being sent here?

The smell of travel reached her as she signed the note, and she looked up to find a person she did not expect.

"Vance."

She couldn't quite hide the surprise in her voice, nor the brows that lifted slightly as she looked at him. Clothes dusty and worn from travel, the boy likewise, his face and the Hadori adorned across his brow was still familiar and easily recognizable.

"Now there's a face I didn't expect to see again." How long had it been? Nearly a year, if not longer. She had still been Gaidar Captain when he had left without a word, gaining the rank of Mistress of Arms shortly after. In a way Vance was lucky to have left when he did, as it saved him from the Bubbles of Evil rampaging the Tower.

And now he was back. Yani wasn't quite sure whether to be happy the boy was back - she had taken a liking to the drin'far'ji in the time he'd spent in the Yards - or be angry because he'd left without a word. Trainees in the Yards weren't bound to the place in the same way as the Channeling younglings, and as such were allowed to leave when they wished. Though she did expect them to give a notice before leaving, and not just vanish.

"Go grab that pitcher over there," she nodded towards the corner where a pitcher and several cups stood on a table, "and sit down and tell me where you've been." She kept her voice even, still not sure whether or not to be angry at the boy.

Vance met the woman's eyes, but they held no heat, no challenge, just simple recognition and humility. He was expecting the worse, after all, expecting her to toss him out on his ear for leaving the way he had. But her surprise at seeing him kindled a tiny glimmer of hope in his chest, as small as the ember he had used to spark many a camp fire on his journey. But he squashed it down. He did not need hope in his life anymore, hope simply hurt too much.

He did not know what to say as she mentioned seeing his face, it was more a statement than a question. He tried to read her eyes, those cool blue eyes that many Drin had been scared to meet when they had been sent to her for lesser infractions than his. But she was giving nothing away, as all Gaidin and Gaidar did, it must be something they learned here surely? When she instructed him to grab the pitcher and the cups, he did so, after giving her a nod of his head. "Yes, Gaidar." He had no idea how else to address her now; full rank, Gaidar with name, it was so confounding to him, who had grown up on a Farm, and the most he had used as titles were Master or Mistress to his parents friends.

He placed a cup before the woman, and one before the seat he would occupy, and then poured her a good measure of the watered wine before giving himself half that amount. Common courtesy after all. That he had been taught in spades. He then sat down, and took a sip of his drink, trying to work out where to start in his tale and wet his dry throat at the same time. How much did she know? Was he stalling for time? Maybe.

"Gaidar, I would first ask forgiveness for the way I left. I had no intention to make the oath I gave to the Grey Tower upon coming here, but..." he sighed, and lowered his eyes a little. "That Spring, there came in word that there had been Trolloc raids along the Farmsteads of Maradon. The news was fresh when it arrived, and I overheard two Gaidin who claimed they wanted to go and fight there." He licked his lips, taking another sip, his thirst becoming apparent to himself then. "I went to the Aes Sedai they had mentioned, and asked her where the Raids were, and if they were going to fight. I asked....I begged for them to, for me to go with them. But they refused." He lowered his gaze for a moment, there being a hitch in his voice. "They said it would be too late to do anything."

He ran a hand back through the top of his hair, the practised motion not disturbing his Hadori. "I could not stand the thought of not knowing what had happened to my parents, and so I took off." His eyes were still lowered, "I took nothing from the Tower, just my own items. And I walked." His eyes welled up, and he coughed, pretending they had not.

"It took months to reach there, travelling routes were I could not be set upon by bandits or thieves, though I still was. But when I reached home, it was gone. Ruins. And my parents dead and buried." The strain in his voice, the slight breaking was a clear sign of how he felt. But still the tears did not fall from his eyes.

"I stayed there a while longer, not knowing what to do. But I had an Oath, and so I made my way back." There, that was his tale, for what it was worth, and he quickly drained his cup before he waited for the news that he would be leaving the Tower once again.

Yani took a sip of her cup and listened to Vance's story. Now that he mentioned it, she did recall hearing of those Trolloc raids. But she had not known that it was Vance's homeplace that had been attacked that time. Trolloc raids along the farmlands near the border to the Blight were not uncommon, and the Tower often dispatched patrols of Gaidin and sometimes even Aes Sedai and Asha'man to deal with such raids, if they heard of them soon enough. Word and people could travel fast through Gateways. But more often than not, they were too late to deal with anything but the aftermath of such raids.

The sorrow was written clearly on Vance as he spoke, both in his voice and on his face, though she could see that he fought the tears, keeping them at bay. It was a sorrow she could not fully understand, however much she tried. Her parents were still well and alive back home in Lugard, at least last she'd heard from them. And even with the constant quarreling between the different Houses there, they were quite safe. How would it have felt to lose them? And in such a horrible way?

"I'm sorry for your loss, Vance," she said softly once he was done talking, "I truly am. And I understand why you left, why you had to go home. What I don't understand," she continued, her voice gaining a hint of sternness, "is why you left without a word to the officers, why you didn't talk with the Master of Training, or me, first. We would not have stopped you from leaving, and could have aided you instead." She wasn't certain the former Master of Training would have helped a simple trainee wanting to leave the Tower, but she would have, especially if Vance had told her why. If not with the aid of people, then in the least a lended horse, or even talked an Aes Sedai into making him a Gateway to speed his travels.

"Unlike the channeling trainees, those training in the Yards are not forbidden to leave, should they wish to. You do not endanger those around you the way an untrained Novice would, who cannot control her Power. You train here of your own free will, and it is not until you are raised to Gaidin, until you chose to accept the fancloak and dedicate your life to the Tower that you will be bound to us. Until then, training here is voluntarily, and a privilege," she added, setting her eyes on Vance.

"It is your choice to train in the Yards, but with that choice comes responsibility. And one of those responsibilities is trust. For you to trust that your officers will be fair and there to aid you in a time of need. And for us to trust in you, that you will follow the orders given, and not desert your post."

"So while I understand why you left, if you wish to remain, you will have to earn that privilege again. Prove that we can put our trust in you." She took another gulp of watered wine as she looked at Vance. While it didn't show, it pained her to be hard on the boy. But she was the Mistress of Arms, the leader of the Yards, and while she could, and tried to, show compassion, she could not coddle. So while she right there and then wanted to walk around her table and hug Vance, welcome him home with open arms, she could not.

Vance looked up to the woman as she spoke, wanting to understand why he had not come to anyone for help. He knew he was not bound to the Tower as the Novices and Soldiers were, but he had given an Oath to stay. He was on their books, on their rosters, and he frowned a little, unsure how to answer. "Truthfully, Gaidar, I do not know." Vance was not one to make excuses, though he wanted to explain he did not have a perfect reason for why he had left. "I just...needed to get home to my Parents. I left to learn how to protect them...and I was not there to do that." How could he explain how he had felt back then. Noting he would or could say would make up for just leaving. He knew that.

It was why he was expecting to be asked to leave.

Her words about it being a privilege made him nod his head. "Gaidar, I know it is a privilege, that time wasters are not wanted. But please know I will do anything to up hold my oath. I swear it." He swallowed a hard lump in his throat and leaned forward a little. "Please, Gaidar, give me one more chance. I will not let you down." She sat up a little straighter, "Under the Light and by my hope of salvation and rebirth, I vow I will remain here and work as hard as I can to become a Gaidin that the Tower can be proud of." He had no idea if such a thing would sway her mind, but he could only hope.

And he hated hope.

"There's no n.." need for that. Yani cut herself short as Vance spoke his strong oath. She believed him, even without that vow. She had believed the oath he had given before he left, and him coming back was proof enough that he intended to uphold that oath. So there was indeed no need for such a strong vow. But, his words were spoken, and if he truly meant them, so be it.

"Very well," she said and folded her hands in front of her on the desk. "I will hold you to that oath." She sat like that and watched his face for a moment, meeting and holding his eyes if he looked up. After what must have seemed to him as several excruciating minutes, she eased back into her chair.

"For now I want you to find the quartermaster and get a new set of uniforms. Your old rooms have been occupied by others in your absence, but a new room will be in order by the time you've freshened up. Get some rest, and come back here an hour after Low, presenting to me what you feel is a suitable punishment for your desertion."

With that she gave him a nod and a leave to go.

"Oh, and Vance," she said right before he left, and waited until he looked back before giving him a warm smile. "Welcome home."

Vance didn't let her stop him from saying his oath, but instead continued on, wanting her to know what his duty know meant to him. He had come back to finish it, and he would stay and guard the backs of Aes Sedai and Asha'men, cutting his revenge out of Shadowspawn hides as he did. He stayed very quiet and very still as the Gaidar spoke and he drank on her words with that glimmer of hope getting brighter and larger as she did.

"I will return, Gaidar, with what you ask if me." He bowed to her respectfully, and paused at the door, catching her warm smile as she welcomed him home. He blushed slightly and nodded his head to her, before heading out the door.

Once he had been assigned a new room, one alone this time, been given a new uniform, visited the baths, the quartermaster, and the mess Hall, he then say down with a sheet of paper and quill. He began to write.

He made his way back to Yani's office at the alloted time, the sheet of paper in his hand. He knocked, went in, bowed and laid the parchment on the woman's desk. "Gaidar, the blue ink is to be my rota of classes and patrols, in red ink is the extra chores, classes and patrols I should be given. I also believe I should be starting at the bottom of every class again until all my teachers sign off that I deserve to be seen as I was before." He waited before the woman, his hands behind his back, his manner showing that he would deserve no less than what he had put to paper before her.