The Grey Tower

Lirievin Tesiva Liri knew it was going to be a long day from the moment she woke up. She had been sleeping off and on all night, debating on what today. If had been a few weeks since she had returned to the Tower and she still had not seen hide nor hair of Carra Sedai. She had expected that she would hear from her, since she had been involved in Liri’s capture and torture. The extent of her involvement Liri was still unclear on, but Liri had a right to know what had happened and why she had been treated that way, and Liri figured Carra would have a better idea then her.

Liri took her time getting dressed, rolling up her sleeves on her arms, normally Liri tried to cover her scar on the left arm but today she didn’t care, she had other things to focus on. Liri stepped out of her room with a few books in her hands. She hadn’t exactly scheduled an appointment with Carra as she was unsure if Carra would try to avoid it and get out of any set meeting. No, the best way to make sure she got an answer was to surprise Carra. Liri had been practising her Aes Sedai face, in both anticipation for when she was raised and for this meeting once she realized it would have later rather then sooner, so she her features, besides maybe her eyes, gave away nothing.

Liri knew getting to the Red’s basement would take longer then she would have liked so she had gotten up earlier then most people so the Halls were empty, another thing the comforted Liri. She did not want to run into anyone that would give her an excuse to walk away from this. Liri knew her anger was building up and she knew she would have to control those emotions in front of Carra, yelling at the Amyrlin was not something anyone did.

Finally reaching the stairs Liri took a few deep breaths to calm herself. Her anger was still there but fear was creeping up as well, the last time she had been in a basement was with him. Liri slowly started down the stairs, fear slowly filling her as she tried to push it down. Nothing down here would hurt her, not physically anyway, depending on how their meeting went she could be in trouble. After a few long minutes Liri reached the bottom and knocked on the door. She may have been angry but she didn’t want to just barge into the Red’s Quarters. Liri was just about to leave thinking that Carra must have gone to the Amyrlin Quarters before the door opened and standing in front of her was the person who had been avoiding her for weeks, Carraidhin Glaisne.

"We need to talk." She said curtly

Carraidhin Glaisne Returning to the Grey Tower had been a mixed blessing. Her heart, for the first time, held a beat. Her eyes held tears. Her lips showed emotion that cracked her otherwise stone exterior. With it came the desire for a touch she wanted, desired; craved. Denying it hurt her nearly as much as admitting to herself that she needed. Carraidhin felt less like the stone creature she had carved for herself and instead felt more like a woman, human. Alive, even if she left behind a wake of death. Everything from her past was dead, and she was alright with that. It meant whispers and dangers of it catching up with her could come to an end. Unfortunately a part of her past had grown as she had grown, and the war was not yet over.

Carra found sanctuary in the Red Ajah Quarters. Even still her life in the Amyrlin's Quarters felt like a farce, like she was intruding on Amora's space. The lush fabrics on the old couches and sofa's was comforting and a small reminder that not everything old was bad. That even the beaten could be beautiful. She had spent years carving out a place not just for herself but for those that may one day choose a more beaten path. It was a silly dream, not even a dream at the time, but now that she looked around the empty quarters and the nostalgia was odd given what has changed so much since she had first opened the doors. Carra genuinely wanted the Red Ajah to succeed, but it won't if the Bloody Hall kept raising its ranks to the Ajahless ranks. Jaryd barely spent any time here before he joined her in the M'Hael's Quarters. Pity, but she knew it her heart it would not be empty forever.

The knock startled her. Carra, out of habit, stood up from the chair that had always been hers since she brought it into the Ajah Quarters, pulling her dress coat around her night gown. Not sure what time it was, the fire hypnotic and the lack of windows to give natural light made the entire great room a large cave. She guessed it was either late or early. It could be anyone at the door. Her red hair loosely fallen down her back and over her shoulders, she took her time getting to the door. If anyone bothered her here they either could wait or would have barged in from emergency.

Opening the door to see Lirivien, Carra stood without a word. "We need to talk." were the coldest words she had ever heard from her mentee, and she had to admit. Carra deserved Lirivien's scorn, if anyone should hate her.. Lirivien had that right. Her and Amadie, but Amadie was now dead.

Carra moved to open the door wider to allow her in. "Dare I ask the hour? Should I brew tea or Kaf?" The words were casual, but Carra could not help it. She wasn't entirely sure when she last slept.

Lirievin Tesiva Liri almost felt bad with how harsh her words came out, but she couldn’t help it. Her frustration at being ignored by her mentor had gone on too long and Liri wanted to know why that man had captured her and tortured her. She felt like she had done nothing to deserve it but yet it still happened.

“It’s just daylight, so tea.” She said trying not to be so short. Carra had completely changed since the last time Liri had seen her. Her once stone face showed signs of breaking, her whole persona felt different. They must have both gone through things they didn’t like. The longer Liri was in Carra’s presence the more her anger faded, it was so odd seeing Carra like this, that Liri wondered what exactly her mentor had gone though. To change a women so strong it must have been something large.

But still Liri wanted, no needed, answers and Carra was the only one that had them. Jaryd didn’t seem to know so much and Amadie was dead, and even then, Amadie had walked into the World of Dreams not knowing what to expect so Liri doubt she would have known more anyway. Liri looked around the Red Quarters, it had changed since she had last been there, it felt more lived in, even though the only other member was the M’hael and he had his own office and sleeping quarters outside of here.

Liri walked around and sat on a long couch, waiting for Carra to come and sit down. Liri probably should have brewed the tea, but Carra didn’t ask her to and Liri wasn’t about to offer, her determination was beginning to slide and she knew she would need it to continue this conversation.

Liri thought about starting with casual conversation, Carra looked like she hadn’t slept in days, but she couldn’t think of a way to bring any conversation back around to what she wanted to talk about, so she decided to just get right down to it. “Why have you been avoiding me? I know you have answers to what happened to me and I deserve to know why. I’m stuck with a scar and a limp for the rest of my life, not to mention the emotional scars, and all I want to know is why. Why did that man capture me? Why did he call you Aramisa? Is Amadie dead because of him?” She couldn’t help it as she pounded Carra with question after question. She had been waiting for so long to talk to her, that know that she had the chance, it all just flooded out.

Carraidhin Glaisne After pulling out tea for Lirievin, Carra poured herself some of the kaf that had been left for her, cold, and added a little sweetened cream to it. Something warm would likely only encourage her body to sleep even if it eluded her. Dreaming caused her a great deal of heart-ache, but she was still yet recovering emotionally even if her body had been healed. The scaring still remained. Passing Lirievin her tea, Carra took a seat in her chair pulling the red afghan across her lap. She sipped it, letting it brighten her mind before delving into the worst of her memories. Not the absolute worst, but the were far darker than most. Perhaps even Lirievin for she only endured a week. Even if now she lived with a limp along with all the other scars.

"Aramisa is but one of many names I took on in my youth." Carra started, not entirely comfortable with starting with the answers to all the others. The last hurting the most. "I have spent most of my life being hunted, and it was when I took on that name that I decided to become the hunter."

"I am the bastard daughter to a man that craved the Sun Throne in Cairhien. Half blood to one of the strongest families in Cairhien made me a very dangerous person in the eyes of my father. When I met Sean not only did I have hope to be strong but I also thought I found kinship for he too was running from something.

"At first he woo'd me. And then I chased him. Not like lovers chase friends, but the way strength reaches for those that are stronger. I wanted to be stronger and I felt now shame or weakness in how I gained it." Carra paused, pulling up the sleeves of her dress, revealing deep scars similar to Lirievin. But these were older and there were a great many more. Some of Lirievin's were likely healed but Carra's were too old and too deep to wash away clean. "Sean has always believed that women were weaker. That they served little purpose than to be cattle or slave. He takes joy in breaking women. He also has a certain respect for loyalty. And somehow he felt a weakness for me, and by the end I was not his servant but someone he could trust to see deeds done. I stayed loyal to him, and he expected me to never leave." She couldn't recall just why she had left at all, or at least what drove her enough away to leave. "Sean never liked when something he considered was his was no longer his at all."

Carra grew silent as she let her words fall away. She looked down at her cold kaf. "I never meant for anyone else to get hurt. But for a time it didn't bother me if anyone did. All I wanted was to be free, and I went from one set of chains to another."

Lirievin Tesiva The more Carra talked the more Liri felt her anger melt away. She had never thought about what Carra may have gone through to get too where she was, to have a friend who was willing to do almost anything to break her. Liri knew people would think she was broken by what she had gone through but at least she had only endured it only for a week not years.

Liri moved around in her seat uncomfortably she had come for answers but Carra had given her more than Liri had thought she would. Carra had never gone this in depth with her and Liri found herself at a loss; she didn't know what to say and although she wanted to comfort Carra Liri had no idea what to do. Although Carra was her mentor and Liri felt close to her, Carra had always kept herself at a distance never giving away any memories from her past. Well, now i know why Liri thought to herself. It must have been hard growing up as she had, having to make her own way and work for everything she had. But it was that that made Carra what she was.

Liri looked down at her hands in her lap. She had never really considered what Carra had gone through before and even while she was away. It must have taken a toll on her, Liri could tell that much by looking at her face. But how much of an emotional toll had Carra gone through? Liri would probably never know that but she did know that she could at least make this conversation easier. Liri knew Carra was speaking truthly when she said she never meant for anyone else to get her, not only because she was bounds by the oaths but there was something in her tone.

Looking up at Carra Liri let her anger fade. Her eyes sparkled with curiosity and determination. "Is that why you formed the Red Ajah?"

Carraidhin Glaisne It was an odd question that caught her a little off guard. Carra sipped her kaf realizing that she was not exactly at her best as far as her resolve goes, so she attempted to consume some energy from the kaf to brave herself for the amount of honesty that she could only share with her. Why, Carra never understood, but since Lirievin took over the task of writing down Carra's foretelling's it seemed only natural to trust her with a certain level of her secrets. A childlike honesty that she wasn't sure she liked but had none the less found comfort in.

Or maybe she was just over tired and numb enough from having her barriers bombarded that nothing could bother her right now. Feeling numb did that, she found. A completely different numb to what Carra once knew.

"No. I think if I had a choice, without all the pressure the Pattern, I would have trained for as long as I dared and never have taken the final test for the Shawl." She said it. As true as the Oaths engraved on her bones. "I never wanted to be bound to the Tower. To be Aes Sedai. But over and over again something, or someone, made me question whether it was truly as terrible of a thing as I had thought it to be."

"It was my final Arch that slapped me in the face. I don't mind that I am selfish, that I want to live my life for me and only for me how I see fit. But in a world where everyone felt that way, and once you mix in the strength of both the righteous and the Shadow then the world will be left burning. Those that fight the Light and those that fight the Shadow, and no one in between to say who was right or wrong." Carra tugged her shawl closer. A shawl she had made just for her because no other had made her one to welcome her. "The blood of the world will run freely if all it does is play the same cards without anyone to check if someone is cheating. I might have formed the Red Ajah, but the Pattern demanded that it be made. If it wasn't me it would have been some other poor child that didn't know how to take a beating."

Lirievin Tesiva Liri listened intently as Carra spoke. Her mentor had never really gone into personal details in her life, past or present, so this was the most information about her life Carra had ever willingly gave up. It wasn't a secret that Carra had formed the Red Ajah, and Liri had heard the rumours of what the other Aes Sedai had said about it. Although at first Liri had didn't think there was a need for the Red, she had grown a lot since coming to the Tower and at least partially understood why Carra had formed the Red Ajah. So much has happened in what seems like so little time. She thought to herself sitting back into her seat more.

Now that she her questions had been answered Liri took a good look at Carra. She had never seen her mentor this worn out. She looked like she could have curled up in the chair and slept for weeks. I wonder what she must have gone through to get to this stage Sure things would get Carra down, at least Liri assumed they could, but never had to taken a toll on her body. Liri paused not knowing what to do. She hoped Carra understood that she appreciated the honesty she had given with her answers, but she was lost at how to express that in words.

"Sean.." she started off slowly. Now that she had been given her why she wanted to know if she would still have to worry. "..Is he still out there?"

Carraidhin Glaisne She gave a shake of her head and the first real smile... albeit one touched with cruelty, touched her lips. Her mind replaying the game Sean had once played on her that she then inflicted on him. The script, the gentle touch, the carefully placed scoring of her dagger's blade. "No. He can no longer hunt us. Here or in the world of Dreams." Carra said simply. Even she wouldn't admit aloud the acts she did for it went against what she stood for as a Red, even if it made the little girl within her happy.

"So, you can walk the Dreams? This he told me a few times. I am happy for you. It must have been a brave escape from what he may have done to you. It's a funny place, Ter'Aran'Rhoid. Amadie taught me how to walk it with a Ter'angreal even though I have no talent in it. Do you plan to learn more about it? I'm sure the Indigo Ajah would be very curious to help you learn and teach you what they know." It was a bit of a hint. Carra would love to have Lirievin in the Red Ajah but she wanted better for her protege. The Indigo Ajah held many members Carra held in high esteem and Liri could be a good fit. As she would in many other Ajah's. The Grey would also be good for her. Even if it made a part of her she didn't understand hurt to think Liri would go elsewhere.

Lirievin Tesiva Liri nodded when Carra told her that Sean was gone. It was only what he deserved and if Carra had not done anything about it Liri would have made sure something was. She had to admit that she was glad Carra had though, every time she saw something similar to the room she got flashbacks so powerful that they paralyzed her for a few moments.

Liri was surprised to hear that Carra knew about her talent. It was something that only Amadie, Sean, and Valadin had known about as she had not told anyone about it. Not yet anyway She had suspected she had another talent but she had yet to approach anyone to ask about it. But it Carra had tortured Sean it probably would have come out.

She nodded slowly before replying. "Yes, I can. It was my only escape from that place and I didn't even know I was entering it at first. Most of what I did I had no idea what I was doing. But I have been teaching myself more about it, slowly. I wasn't sure who I could talk too about it, if I could tell anyone. So no one but you, Amadie, Sean and an Solider here know." She left out the name of the Solider. In time he would tell who he wanted to, but that was not her decision to make for him. "I doubt I'll go to the Indigo Ajah, although the help would be appreciated I think I'll find my own way through. I have some notes of my own to study anyway. Jaryd, he gave me everything Amadie had ever written down about Ter'Aran'Rhoid." She paused for a moment. Liri knew that Amadie and Carra had been friends, how close she wasn't sure but Carra had sent Amadie into Ter'Aran'Rhoid to find her so they must have been close.

"You should know, Amadie died to save me. She fought braver then anyone I've ever known and I hope you made Sean regret laying a hand on her. I only knew her briefly but she left this world too soon." Liri watched Carra closely for any reaction. She hoped she had given Carra information that she had not already know. Maybe it would help her cope with her friends death, she only hoped it didn't make anything worse.

Before either of them could say anything further a bell went off. Liri knew she had been down here long enough and she had to leave to get to class. "I have to leave to attend a class." She said pausing. "Thanks for answers all my questions, but I think you need to rest. You look like you've gone through a lot and rest will help."

Liri waited for a moment before heading to the door. As she opened the door she turned back to face Carra. "Oh, and once I am ready, I will be joining you down here. Don't think you can talk me into another Ajah." With that Liri let herself out before her mentor could protest, she didn't think Carra would have the strength to argue but she wanted her mentor to know that she was serious about this decision and nothing could change her mind.