The Grey Tower

OOC: kuuntele muuten toi biisi tubesta. Michael Ballin tai Eddie Redmaynen versio.
There's a grief that can't be spoken
There's a pain that goes on and on
Empty chairs at empty tables
now my friends are dead and gone.


IC: She walked towards the Tower-gardens in the pale moonlight, trying to collect her thoughts. The last few days had been a blur. Quarters had been arranged for her, but it would take a couple of days until they were in a livable condition again, so she had rented a room from an inn from Hama Valon. Tomorrow she would move there, and live once again in the Tower.
Miliane pulled a woolen grey shawl more tightly around her, as she shivered in the coolness of the evening. For the first time since her Accepted-years she was wearing white, as she was mourning. All the things that she would have to in order to get her life back on track were piling on her and she needed a break.

It was weird how beautiful and peaceful the world could still be, despite all the turmoil inside her. Miliane heard a nightingale, and stopped a small sob from escaping.
She had often listened to nightingales with her brothers as they had escaped their father at certain nights. The had slipped over the citywall, as Lugard was grey and dusty, but there was beauty and birds to be found outside the city.
They were all dead now.
The Yellow Sister couldn't help but wonder if any of them would have had children, if any of her nieces or nephews would have had children... Would there be anyone to write for?
She knew that as an Aes Sedai she should have given up her ties to the world, but the situation at home had made Miliane so close with her brothers. It was unreal to just know they were gone, without any warning, yet still to know they would have had lived full lives.

She sat down on a stony bench under a willow tree, and just looked at stars reflecting from a pond. She remembered an evening like this, when she had been an Accepted and had giggled and chatted a whole night with Reina, both full of girly dreams and ideas of what they would do. She remembered the nights when she had ridden with Deranih Sedai, one of her closest friends. The woman who had been there when Miliane had faced 13 myrddaals and 13 Dread Lords and had managed to flee, with Deranih's help and her soul still pure. Deranih had lost one of her eyes at that process. She would have never be able to repay that dept, and now she was gone.
When she had time, she would have to ask from the Greys what had happened to Reina... And about Deranih from Greens,
A solitary tear fell on her cheek.

She hoped Amadeo would have noticed her going for a walk. He was the only one who would understand.

Amadeo hadn’t had much sleep in the past couple of days, so he was once again holding a cup of kaf. He couldn’t remember how many he had already drank today. His quarters were still being arranged, so instead of sleeping he had spend the night in the library. He had walked among the bookshelves and looked the books. The old ones he knew and then the new ones, the one’s that had been collected while he had been stuck in the ter’angreal - or what would most likely be one - with Miliane. He still couldn’t quite grasp how that had happened, but apparently it was enough to lose few decades just like that. He kept the picture he had drawn at the other side of the arch with him. He knew he should go and show it to someone from the Indigo Ajah, but he hadn’t wanted to do that yet. Showing it to Indigo could make it certain that the arch was ter’angreal, and this whole thing just wouldn’t be some sort of bad dream. Of course he knew that he wasn’t asleep and dreaming everything. Why else would he be so tired for not sleeping properly for couple of days? He was sure that if this would be a dream, he wouldn’t be so tired or at least he wouldn’t have the dark shades under his eyes.

He had already ordered a new wardrobe to replace those that were burned while he had been assumed dead. Asha’man couldn’t wear the same attire all the time. Even though he had chosen simple looking clothes, he knew they weren’t as simple as they first seemed. There were pockets and details that took some time to make and also the quality he wanted took some time too. He sighed and was happy for once that he hadn’t made that many friends in his years as a student, as there were hardly any people he had known left. Minjar, the Brown Asha’man, who had taught him Earth Singing was so far the only one who he knew if he didn’t count Miliane. He thought about trying to find out what happened to the Brown Asha’man he had become friends with when they both were Dedicated. He would do that as soon as he would remember his name. He could only remember that the man loved reading about languages. He had wanted to learn all the possible ones. That information didn’t much help Amadeo in finding his identity on his own. He either really didn't want to let anyone know he had forgotten the name of the only Asha’man who had been his so called friend. Books were my friends back then. I should find more friends this time around... maybe.

Once again he walked towards the gardens. He had made a habit of going there. He hoped every time he went there that Miliane would have gone there too, as she seemed to love all type of plants and in the garden there were lots of those. He missed her company, but didn’t dare to go to bother her at the infirmary. He might ending up messing some herbs and because of that someone would get their stomach aching or worse. He had pondered about sending a message for her, but he couldn’t think of what to write. Either the message turned out to be too cheery or then too ordering. He didn’t want to order the Yellow Aes Sedai, but he missed her company. He missed the slight smell of herbs that usually floated around her, chatting with her and the way she somehow always managed to make the perfect tea. He had tried to him self, but he just couldn’t make it right and he didn’t have a clue what he did wrong.

Amadeo rubbed his eyes with his left hand and almost missed the person stepping into the gardens. He could only see a glimpse of a grey shall. He blinked once and sipped last of the kaf while hesitating.
Could it be her? Maybe I’m just seeing things, but I better go and see for sure.
He walked into the gardens and looked around. He saw a figure near the pond, a figure that somehow looked more fragile than usual. “Miliane...” he whispered and then he raised his voice. “Miliane.” He walked towards woman raising his arms for a hug. He wanted to erase the tear he saw, but he knew that Miliane had every reason to be sad. Losing 80 years wasn’t a joke so he offered the next best thing he could think, the thing he also wanted and needed. He offered comfort and someone to lean on.