The Grey Tower

Liaran's spoon scraped against the sides of her bowl as she hunted down the last bits of her breakfast. It was an irritating sound, but after months on next to nothing, the Accepted found that she couldn't manage to waste even the smallest bit of food. She had only just reluctantly set the spoon down when she noticed one of the Yellows heading towards her bed, carrying something white. She didn't recognize the woman, but that wasn't a surprise. Liaran had been in this bed, in this infirmary, for long enough that the Yellows tending to her seemed to be almost interchangeable. " It's a good thing you're finished with that, child," the Aes Sedai told her, looking down a long nose at Liaran. " It seems that the Mistress of Novices thinks you've had quite enough time to recover." The Yellow tossed the pile of white onto Liaran's bed. "She said to have you report directly after breakfast, so I suggest you hurry."

The Yellow sister rushed away from the bedside, and Liaran quickly got dressed, having no desire to add tardiness to the list of her faults that the Mistress of Novices likely had already made. The Accepted frowned down at the dress, trying to identify what didn't seem quite right about it. It hung on her, but she'd expected that given many of the Yellows' repeated complaints that she was still far too thin. Closer examination of the bands revealed an eighth red band, something Liaran was sure had not been on the dresses when she'd been in the Tower last.

The Sea Folk woman made a note of that to herself as she left the infirmary. During her weeks there, Liaran had not been allowed to leave often, and wasn't sure she could still find the Mistress of Novices's office at all. She was pleasantly surprised to find that many of the Tower's halls seemed to have remained untouched, making it possible for her to find her own way without having to embarrass herself by seeking help. As she hurried through the halls, Liaran rehearsed the story she was going to tell the Mistress of Novices about her reasons for leaving. She wasn't going to lie, of course, but Liaran did intend on leaving Talona Sedai completely out of her story, so that it wouldn't seem as if she were trying to avoid her responsibility for making her own decision. The Accepted wanted to appear as responsible as possible given her situation, despite her quickly growing case of nerves. You made the choice to return here, she reminded herself sternly as she reached the office door and knocked. Liaran held her head high, determined to take the coming punishment like the grown woman she was, not like some raw deckhand.

Mirin looked up at the knock on her door and invited the woman inside. The room was large and spacious, with dark blue wallpaper and rich chestnut panels, and three tall windows in the back looking over the Tower gardens. Shelves covered another wall, filled with a modest collection of the Aes Sedai's favorite books. In the middle, facing her work desk, sat two comfortable chairs that were nearly, but not quite, side-by-side.

"Welcome back to the Tower, Liaran," she said. "I'm glad to see that you've recovered."

Pale, grey eyes examined the woman standing at the door. The stranger was dark-skinned and slim. She carried herself with dignity; her head held high and her shoulders squared back. Though Mirin regarded most Accepted as mere girls, it did not feel appropriate to address the returning Accepted as such. After all, Liaran had ran away years before Mirin had even arrived at the Tower. And as a fully-trained Windfinder of the Atha'an Miere, Liaran stood in vague, untrodden ground. She was not as childish as most Accepted, but not as polished as an Aes Sedai.

Mirin folded her hands in her lap, over her growing belly. She was eight months pregnant, and it showed.

"Please sit. Would you like tea? I have a few questions for you before allowing you to resume your lessons. Much has changed at the Tower since your departure. Let us start from the beginning. Tell me why you left. Then, tell me why you have returned and what you seek from the Tower now."

Entering the room, Liaran swept into a curtsey, rather surprised that she still remained capable of the motion, which had been quite the struggle for her as a young novice. The Accepted took a seat, pushing unruly black curls out of her face. It felt odd to her to sit in this office, a place she had known quite well in years past, and see a stranger's face looking back at her instead of Zaephra Sedai's. She hadn't really expected that the Indigo would still inhabit this office after as many years as she'd been gone, but the reality of it made Liaran's nerves worse. She raised her head, forcing herself to meet the other woman's eyes. She politely refused the offer of tea, however, not convinced that she'd be able to drink a drop. Even offering struck Liaran as odd; she was well aware that she was there to be punished.

Liaran pulled at her sleeves as she considered how best to explain herself without including Talona Sedai's involvement. It was a difficult task, and she was far from certain that the Mistress of Novices wouldn't suspect that she was leaving information out, but Liaran was determined to at least try. It took her quite a few minutes to begin to attempt to explain herself. "When I left the Tower, I had only just earned the ring." she stated. "I had not expected that privilege, and to be truthful, I don't know why I didn't refuse the testing. After passing, I had the usual nightmares and had become more homesick than I'd been since my very first days in the Tower. In addition, I had difficulty adjusting to the responsibilities of being an Accepted and did not deal well with the additional pressure that is placed on those newly raised. Eventually, I felt that it was too much to deal with at once, and I chose to run back to the ships, where I expected life to be more tolerable, if not any easier." The Accepted took a deep breath, hoping that explanation would prove enough. The rest of her story would be somewhat easier to tell.

"When I returned, I was allowed to take up a position as a Windfinder's apprentice. Nobody asked me about my time in the Grey Tower, and I never spoke of it. For years, I tried to forget it entirely. However, as time passed and I became closer to finishing my apprenticeship, I felt that something was...missing." Liaran's head bent slightly, gazing at the tattoos on her fingers that were only just visible from their hiding place under her sleeves. The Sea Folk woman did not like to admit what she was going to say next, but her dislike did not change that it was, essentially, true. "I'm sure you know that Windfinders are all experts at what you would call Cloud Dancing. On the ships, it is called Weaving the Winds. Every one of them is very highly skilled at it, but as a result of their focus, almost none of them is capable of weaving anything else." She hated how weak that made her people sound, but had no idea how else to explain the problems that had led to her departure.

"I have an affinity for Fire," she continued. "I have enough ability with Air and Water that I was able to learn in the way a Windfinder needs to, but it wasn't a strength for me as it is for most of the Windfinders. Once I became a full Windfinder, I found that I missed working with Fire, and also with Earth and Spirit, and that anything I had learned from my time as a novice needed to be practiced if I wanted to retain anything I had once known. This made me begin to start weaving things that I had not used in years, because I felt forgetting would be a waste of the knowledge. One night, I was working alone in my room, using Fire to create light." The Accepted paused, wishing it were possible to explain without including the next detail at all. Nobody liked to recall their passage through the arches, and she was no different. "One minute, I was doing something that had become normal to me, and the next, I felt as if something had taken hold of me and transported me back...into the arches." She rushed through the last few words of that sentence. "If I may, Aes Sedai, I don't wish to explain why my situation reminded me of that test, but I hope you can understand that it was not a pleasant memory for me. It made me feel as if I needed to return here as quickly as possible and submit myself for punishment as a runaway."

She bowed her head, hoping she appeared to be submissive enough."I have great respect for the work the Windfinders do, but I've come to realize that I don't want to specialize in that way, so that I have no skill in any other area. If I am allowed to study as an Accepted again, I hope to be able to learn about all the uses the One Power has, and to perform those I am capable of to the best of my ability." Ending her explanation, which had been rather longer than Liaran had intended, the Accepted's dark eyes met the lighter ones of the Mistress of Novices and awaited her decision.

Mirin smiled. Liaran's dilemma reminded her of her own when she had been an Accepted - when she had recognized her own Talent and been unable to use it. Though even now she could only use it sparingly, at least it was better than nothing at all.

"Very well," she said, kindly. "I understand your situation, Accepted Liaran. No doubt my predecessor has explained your duties before, but as that was years ago, I will explain again. As an Accepted, you will be expected to teach two classes. One, private tutoring of One Power Basics for novices; as well as another class of your own. Since you are a Windfinder, perhaps you would find teaching a class on Cloud Dancing most suitable for you. However, if there is another subject you would rather prefer, then you are welcome to it as well. Whichever subject you choose, an Aes Sedai mentor would be assigned to help you with your lesson plans.

"And as for punishment... I think that the difficulties that you faced on your return to the Tower were punishment enough."

She eyed Liaran's slim form. The woman had been in poor condition upon her arrival; luckily, it looked like the Yellows had somewhat patched her up.

"Do you have any questions? About any changes in your absence, perhaps?"

Liaran stared at the Aes Sedai, not quite sure she'd heard correctly. No punishment? She'd entered the office fully expecting some sort of harsh penance, and being spared that solely because her path back had been difficult felt wrong to her.Maybe teaching classes will be punishment enough, she considered. Especially if I do have to teach Cloud Dancing. Liaran was afraid that if she did that, she'd quickly become nothing more than "that Windfinder" and that wasn't the person she wanted to be any longer. The Accepted frowned at that suggestion and hoped she wouldn't be forced into it based on her past.

She played with her sleeves while considering whether she needed to ask anything. Much of the Tower was just as she'd left it, but Liaran had noticed some differences, the most interesting to her being the red on her dresses. "I don't know if I'm remembering correctly," she said, "but I thought when I was a novice that there were only seven Ajahs. I noticed there's a red band on my dresses now which I don't remember ever seeing before. Is there a Red Ajah in the Grey Tower now?" Liaran couldn't think of a reason why another Ajah might have been added, but she also couldn't think of another explanation for the strange red band on her dress with the others, unless her memory was actually that poor, which she very much hoped was not true. Lifting her head from her sleeves, she awaited the answer.

An odd expression, somewhere between a smile and a grimace, crossed Mirin's face.

"Yes, there is a Red Ajah," she said. "It is a rather new and small Ajah, but they have their own quarters and three seats in the Hall of Sitters. They claim to fight abuse of power - both the One Power and mundane power - and devote themselves to hunting down wrongdoers and rogue Dreadlords. Jaryd Kosari, the former M'Hael, is of the Red Ajah."

Her lips twisted into a frown. "They have done a wealth of good for the Tower, but it is a hard life. Kaia Ariasca, a Red sister and the former Keeper of Chronicles, died while fighting just a few weeks ago. May the Creator shelter her in the palm of his hand."

She remained silent for a moment. She found the Red Ajah's work distasteful. Without the rule of law, she thought that they were little more than Tower-approved bounty hunters. But she kept her opinions to herself. The strife between Ajahs, particularly between her own Ajah and the Red, was kept away from the eyes of outsiders. Even including Accepted, who should not know of inter-Ajah politics until after they reach the shawl.

Mirin sighed. Her face returned to Aes Sedai calm.

"I'm sure that you've also heard of the Seanchan attack against the Tower," she said. "That was over eight months ago. While construction has slowed, there are still always new buildings going up. Day by day, Hama Valon is only getting larger. Do you have any other questions? If not, then we should discuss which classes you are interested in taking. As an Accepted, your Ajah exploration has already begun. Which Ajahs do you have an interest in?"

Even after listening to the Mistress of Novices' explanation, Liaran still wasn't quite sure she understood the Red Ajah. They sounded very similar to the Green to her, but Liaran also had to admit that her knowledge of any of the Ajahs was no better than that of a novice. She decided to ignore her confusion for the moment, knowing it would be years before a choice of Ajah might concern her. " I don't have any more questions," she said, " unless anything else has changed while I was gone." The Accepted couldn't recall many changes being made to the Tower during her novicehood, but if another Ajah had been added, she didn't know what else she might expect to be different.

She frowned at the question about Ajahs, having given them almost no thought since her return. With everything Liaran felt she needed to learn, the Ajahs just didn't seem as important to her. " I haven't given Ajahs much thought," she admitted. "I do think, since I've been in the infirmary so long, that the Yellow is not likely to be my place, but that could always change. I think I have a lot I need to learn before I can give any of the Ajahs any serious consideration." Liaran hoped that a more definite answer wasn't what the Aes Sedai had wanted, as she had none to provide.She rather expected the Ajahs to become more clear to her during her studies and did not feel ready to think further on them now, with her time as an Accepted just beginning.

Mirin nodded patiently. She slid two pieces of parchment across the table.

"Right," she said. "Here is a list of classes currently offered. Please choose at least three. Keep in mind that they must be able to fit into your schedule here." She tapped the second piece of parchment.

The first parchment contained a long list of classes along with the name of the teacher. Many were non-channeling classes: literature, history, philosophy, mathematics, herbcraft, the Old Tongue, the studies of many nations and cultures... the list went on. The list also had many channeling classes: Warding, Healing, Earth Singing, Cloud Dancing, Battle Weaves...

"Since you are unsure of your Ajah interest, please simply select classes that you would like to learn more about. In four weeks, you can return and we can revisit your schedule again."

Liaran stared blankly at the lists set before her, feeling quite overwhelmed at all the options. The Accepted really wasn't sure how to begin making her selections. There were a few topics, such as mathematics, that she recalled from her time as a novice as being of absolutely no interest to her, and it was simple to eliminate those, but that still left Liaran facing most of the list. Frowning at it while she thought, Liaran decided it would be better to consider the channeling and non channeling classes separately. She began with the non channeling classes, deciding it would be best for her to only take one of those and focus more on improving her skills with saidar. It didn't take her long to select a general history class, something Liaran did not know much about and expected that she would need to learn. Her choices of channeling classes proved to be more difficult, and after changing her mind several times, the Accepted finally decided that she should just pick two to start with, reminding herself that there would be many more classes ahead of her. "I'd like to start with History, Illusion, and Healing," Liaran told the Mistress of Novices, passing the sheets back across the desk. "Will it be possible to change them later if I need to?"