The Grey Tower

News of Kaia Sedai’s death traveled quickly through the Tower. Riahana had been one of the first to be informed given her position as Mistress of Arms. She'd known the Keeper, but not well. She knew Jaryd Asha’man was more than devastated when the bond between them was broken with her death. There were those who were looking after him, and not much Ria could do to console him. Was he a friend? Hard to say, but the Mistress of Arms had great respect for the man.

There was someone else Riahana was just as concerned about, but her initial attempts to check in on her Master of Training were foiled when he was nowhere to be found. Her first stop had been his office, which she found in ruins, and one very clear hint at Ravak’s state of mind. One Gaidin who’d been near by suggested he’d gone to drown his sorrows, and Dax had gone after him.

Ria’s concern for her Master of Training did not dissipate overnight. If anything, they became more heightened when her husband told her Dax brought Ravak in, and the Gaidin was worse for wear. Injuries from what was likely a bar room brawl, and paralytic. The infirmary was the right place for him, and it became clear he’d be in there for a few days at least.

The Mistress of Arms didn’t rush off to visit him, knowing the Yellows would be fussing over him, and some would rather visitors stayed away so their patients could get the rest they needed. Waiting what she hoped was a reasonable time, Ria went to the Infirmary after her mid-day meal. She afforded her husband a small smile when he looked up, but then carried on to find Ravak.

As she approached, Ria noticed a vase of blue bells by his bed. She wasn’t aware of any romantic connections Ravak might have, however it was not really any of her business. Clearly, someone cared, and cared enough to leave him a gift. Looking from the flowers to the Gaidin, Ria pulled up a stool as she studied him. “How are you doing, Ravak?” she asked in a soft, caring voice.

When dreams dissipated into consciousness, the Shienaran wished only for death. He felt like death, his body protesting against everything and anything. The sounds of pain and suffering dug into him, the smells seemed as overwhelming as the first time he started sniffing, and the lights in the Infirmary were still far too bright. There was a tray of food on a nearby table, but Rav just took a glance before turning over to face away. He knew he had to eat, but at the same time he just wanted some more sleep.

Sleep came infrequently. Rav had no clue how long he'd been here, possibly just a day, maybe a week. He'd had one visitor, although Fiona seemed to just be tending to the sick - it was very odd seeing her in novice whites. Elia had come by, but only glanced from a distance, never coming to his side. And someone had placed flowers by his bedside. One of the Yellows maybe? He didn't know.

Someone approached from behind, moving the stool at his bedside. Rav turned over to be greeted by the unexpected face of the Mistress of Arms. A chill ran through him as he anticipated what this meeting was to be about. Further failure of duty. Dismissal from his office. Dismissal from the Tower. Why not, he thought, that is barely punishment enough for Kaia's death.

"How are you doing, Ravak?" Not the stern voice of rebuke he had imagined, but quiet and showing genuine concern. Maybe I've misjudged her. Or myself. Or this is just the beginning. That he could think straight again wasn't necessarily a good thing, when every thought was negative.

"Not well," he replied hoarsely. Whatever Healing had been done to him, it had not dealt with the hangover. And the fatigue he knew was from the Healing - he'd been in quite a bad state, for certain. "Slowly getting better." He reached towards the tray for the glass of milk, but Riahana had to help get it into his hand. The golden tattoo glimmered - someone had changed him out from his shirt, he only just realised.

After drinking, speaking became easier. "I'm sorry for the mess I've caused." That remark seemed both shallow and all too familiar, coming from him to her. Apologising to Ria seemed as common as breathing. But this time he was less apologetic. "I needed... this. Something to help with..." His throat tightened as he thought of Kaia. I'm so sorry, the voice in his head wailed, I'm so sorry Kaia. Forgive me. He closed his eyes but tears were already running down his cheeks. I should have been there to protect you. Light forgive me, I should have been there.

Rav rolled onto his back and forced himself to stare at the ceiling. "A hollow blessing we weren't still bonded. The Light knew what else I may have done." After trashing his office, Rav knew he went out to drink. Then Dax showed up and there was fighting... or there was fighting and Dax appeared. Rav knew for certain no-one was left too badly injured - there had too much death already.

He turned to face Riahana. Her pale blue eyes seemed to hold a sympathetic light. "Do you know what happened... to her? Someone said there was nothing to be done, but..." He didn't know what answer he sought, but he sought it anyway.

Riahana did not know Ravak well beyond their working relationship, but she did know he’d been bonded to Kaia Sedai in the past. She also knew the bond had been dissolved not long after he’d gotten back from his unexpected absence in the Three Fold Land. She did not know much about their relationship, but she hadn’t forgotten how distraught he’d been when he came to her to announce his return. That had been over a year ago now? Was it closer to two?

Helping Ravak with his milk, Ria glanced at the golden tattoo, before meeting his eyes again as he spoke. A look of genuine concern was etched across her face as she listened to him apologize, and try to explain his actions, and then he asked what happened. As Mistress of Arms, Riahana had read the official reports. She’d even been to the scene of the incident, but she knew she didn’t hold the information he wanted or needed to here.

Reaching across, she placed a hand on his forearm and gave a gentle squeeze, “There was nothing anyone could have done. That the assassins penetrated Jaryd Asha’man’s wards is telling, as there are few who are more talented with such things. The assailants were but shadows of men...not Grey Men, but something wholly different. If you bare guilt because you were not there, Ravak Darrow, then find a way to cast it aside.

“I know it is easier said than done, but had you been there, we might be mourning the loss of you as well as Kaia Sedai,” she added, her voice soft. She was more in ‘mother’ mode than Mistress of Arms mode. “And, in my eyes, you have nothing to apologize for. I heard what happened. . .what led to the fight. I think I would likely have done the same if I were in your shoes,” she offered a small, wry smile at the very thought of the Mistress of Arms in a bar room brawl.

Riahana reported much the same story as Dax had. There was nothing to be done. That did not help assuage the guilt he felt, nor did it return Kaia Ariasca Sedai to life. The petite Domani had been his world for a time, and the ending of their bond did not lessen the strength of his feelings towards her, even if they had soured a little. He tried to blink away a pain behind his eyes, settling for looking back at the Mistress of Arms with a half-hooded stare.

A hollow grimness stained his voice. "I pray that you never find out, Riahana." Each Warder knew that the bond meant inextricably linking their life with the life of their bondmate. If Riahana's husband died, however, the Mistress of Arms wouldn't have to worry about a trashed office. If death didn't find the Warder as well, they would seek out death. A dire bargain, but one each bonded Gaidin made.

Rav closed his eyes but remained conscious. Thoughts swam slowly through the fog of his mind, but here was something about that tickled his mind. When it came to him, his eyes opened and seemed to bulge from their sockets. "Light, Jaryd!" He felt a wave of sickness rise up that was not alcohol-related. The Altaran and Kaia were - had been - bonded. A death-seeking Gaidin was one thing, but when it was the M'Hael of the Grey Tower.

He started to pull the sheets off the bed to get up, and only then felt the touch of fabric against mostly bare legs. Where are my flaming trousers!? The Master of Training had just enough dignity to keep himself from running through the Tower in only his undergarments. He settled back reluctantly, but he was on edge. Was the Tower about to lose two of its senior figures? That sort of loss would show weakness, and that would attract enemies. Even if the Seanchan had been beaten off, there were the Whitecloaks, or Shadowspawn, or even one of the other Towers if they became bold enough.

A gargling from his stomach reminded Rav that he hadn't eaten in... well, some time at least. He peered sidelong at the tray. A stew of meat, potatoes and various vegetables sat in a bowl, beside a roll of bread, and a smaller bowl of some fruit. It all looked rather appealing, at least to his hungry eyes, but he wasn't about to eat with someone at his bedside.

Rav tried to think of something else to say. Aside from the fact he'd been - was - distraught, or that he wanted to help Jaryd somehow (which was not happening for the moment). He thought about mentioning something about the schedules, but that wasn't really Riahana's concern. Nothing else came to mind that wasn't work related. The Yards, it seemed, was their only mutual point of discussion.

Speaking seemed a chore, but he forced the words out. "Tell me something, if you don't mind Riahana. What made you come to the Tower in the first place? Was it simply the Amyrlin, or was there something else to it?"

The look of concern Ria wore deepened when Ravak attempted to get up when his thoughts went to Jaryd. She didn’t need to reach across and stop him, as either a wave of fatigue, the hangover or some common sense hit him and he sunk back to the bed. She arched a brow as she watched him, wondering what cacophony of thoughts swam in the man’s mind.

Ria let go a soft sigh as she stood up and moved to place the tray on Ravak’s lap, “You’ve been healed, and need the sustenance. I’ll not force you to eat, Gaidin, but if I am to tell you how I came to be at the Tower, then do me the small favor and eat. If my husband learns I kept one of this infirmary’s patients from getting enough rest, or food, I’ll likely not hear the end of it.” The Mistress of Arms flashed a warm smile that turned to a bit of a smirk, her way of suggesting a joke.

“Needless to say, I grew up hearing about the adventures of the famous Miahala Sedai, the matriarch of my family. She’d come to the family farm from time to time, and help with the horses,” Ria started. “Every visit, I became her shadow until Mother and Father sent me off to do my chores and give the woman a moment’s peace. The stories, to a child, were rich in adventure, and all I wanted was to follow in her footsteps. . .to battle the Shadow for the good of the world.”

Taking a slow breath, Ria smiled fondly as she recounted her childhood, “I declared after one such visit that I would come to the Tower to be tested. Mother and Father were not all too pleased, knowing that there was much more to the stories than the romantic notion I had in my head of being the hero. Despite that, though, they told me if I felt as strongly on my sixteenth birthday, they’d bring me to the Grey Tower to be tested.

“When it became clear I had no talent to channel, I didn’t even bat an eyelid. I was determined to make a difference in the world, so I signed the Books and became a Drin. You could say that Miahala Sedai provided me with the nucleus, but from there, the desire to be something more than simply a horse trainer from Saldaea grew beyond a simple girlhood fantasy,” she finished.

After a moment’s pause, she tilted her head, “What of you? I know a bit of your history, Ravak, though not much. Why come here and serve the Tower and its Channelers when you could have been an officer in an army?”

Acquiescing to the Mistress of Arms' 'orders', Rav found himself listening to Riahana whilst quickly downing the bowl of stew. It sounded like a pleasant if not extraordinary childhood, much like his own, the big difference being there was no legendary matriarch, although his mother had done a fine impression. It was surprisingly to hear how easily Ria had transitioned from wannabe novice to Drin. Rav recalled a conversation with Tia, her daughter, who had expressed quite a dissatisfaction at being bundled into novice whites, if memory served.

Half the bread roll had vanished when the question was turned back on the Shienaran. He swallowed the mouthful of warm food, then cleansed his mouth out with a gulp of water before talking. "I would never have made it to officer in Fal Dara," Rav said with frank honesty, "but I've made peace with that. The truth of the matter was that I was a terrible soldier." Rav thought he caught a slight widening of the Saldaean's eyes but he deigned not to comment. His voice told on a explanative tone. "In Shienar, well at least in Fal Dara, there is one way to train troops and everyone goes through that progress. Everyone learns how to use a sword, everyone learns how to don armour, everyone learns the same tactics. It's very regimented, ensuring that each soldier comes out with the same knowledge, same skills. Ideal for an army, but..."

He grimaced sheepishly. "It wasn't for me. Not the right sort of learning as I saw it. I was getting close to the end of my training, about half as good as I should have been, and I knew that if I saw a Trolloc bearing down on me, that would be it. 'There's no shame in fear', so the Aiel say, and I was afraid. What good is a Shienaran who can't even defend their family and home?"

"So I decided to leave, to find training elsewhere. It was always my intention to return to Fal Dara and serve, whatever the cost would be for my desertion or whatnot... but things have a way of turning out different from what you planned. So yeah, anyways, I headed south, straight for Tar Valon. Why not go to the home of the legendary Gaidin, eh?" He grinned with a rueful shake of his head. "'Course I know now that they treat their Warders like good lapdogs, and I left shortly after learning that fact. I had very little interest in following an Aes Sedai around like a servant."

The Domani's face appeared in his face, crashing through the delightful conversation. Ravak shoved the heel end of the roll into his mouth to hide the sudden and sour twist to his face. That subterfuge ended when he pinched at his eyes between thumb and forefinger, but all that did was leak tears down the back of his hand instead of down his cheeks.

He abandoned the deception entirely, pulling his hand away and continuing with a voice full of emotion. "So I came to the Grey Tower instead, to end up serving Aes Sedai regardless. The rest I imagine you know." He grinned half-heartedly with glistening cheeks. "At least we serve as equals here."

Ria smiled wryly as she shrugged, “There is more than one reason that the White Tower and Grey do not see eye to eye. You are not the only one of our Gaidin or Gaidin-to-be who went to Tar Valon. I would struggle being anything other than equal with our channeling Brothers and Sisters, as the concept is foreign to me.

“Having been brought up as part of the Sha’hal line, though, much of what the White Tower considers normal is foreign to me,” Ria admitted. She gave the man a warm smile and reached across to squeeze his forearm, “For what it is worth, Ravak, the Grey Tower and her Warder Yards are better for your presence. While you and I may not know each other well, I’ve watched you with our learning ranks, and know they are in good hands. I cannot think of anyone I’d rather have in your office other than you. . .I cannot think of anyone more qualified and with the right temperament than you.”

The Mistress of Arms paused for a moment, but looked to Ravak with genuine concern, “I am sorry for your loss, Ravak. If you need time to grieve, take it. I am sure we can keep the Yards running for a time. If you find you need someone to talk to, my door is open to you. In the mean time, rest up, and be sure to eat. If I must, I will get my husband to check on you.” This last was said with a smirk.

Riahana's compliment came as no small shock. Warmth built up inside his chest as he thought on it. "I cannot think of anyone I'd rather have in your office that you." No exaggeration, and no lie. After all of the moments of doubt, and all of his failings in judgement, this came as an unexpected blessing. The ragged edges of grief in his mind seemed a little less frayed.

Despite that, and despite Ria's gentle joke, his voice was darkly serious. "I would appreciate that." The Mistress of Arms nodded gently, the smirk not fading, but her eyes showed that she caught the seriousness of his message. The Master of Training had far less friends in the Tower than he was usually capable of admitting, even to himself. Books were only a simulacrum of what an actual friendship provided to his soul. "Maybe after I am better, we can get to know each other, properly." He went for a fond and friendly smile, although he doubted the action touched his eyes.

"And thank you, Riahana. Your blessing... It means a lot. Truly, it does."

The Mistress of Arms let her smirk give way to a genuinely warm smile, “I would like the chance to get to know you better, Ravak Darrow. Perhaps we should have done it sooner, but the chance is still before us, and I’m happy to take advantage of it. Once you are given the all clear, let’s find a tavern and share in a meal and a drink. . .perhaps without the bar brawl.” This last was said as she winked.

Movement out of the corner of her eye had Ria look up to see one of the Yellows start making her rounds. The bundle in the back of her mind suggested Gareth was in his office, and given how close she was, she intended to surprise him with a visit. Pushing the thought aside, Ria looked back to Rav, “I think that may be my cue to leave you to rest. Despite being Mistress of Arms and married to Gareth, the Yellows will not hesitate to toss me from the infirmary if I’m disturbing one of their patients.”

Reaching across once more, Ria squeezed his forearm again, “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask. Like I said, my door is always open to you.” She stood up as she let go, “And speedy recovery. . .the Warder Yards miss your presence, Master Darrow.” She flashed him another smile before making her exit.