The Grey Tower

Torianin found herself standing nervously in her new room. Instead of one bed, there were now two. Her pure white dresses were put away in the closet for now. Her small amount of supplies were sitting on her small desk. The ancient emblem of the Aes Sedai announced itself on the floor. Her new roommate had not made herself present yet, and so she stood, waiting, looking at herself in the small mirror over the wash basin. The tears she had shed out of frustration before were gone, and her face was thankfully no longer swollen. It looked as if she had not even cried that day. That should help somewhat, she hoped. Sometimes, she felt embarrassed that she had not been raised to Accepted yet, because it was so obvious that she should be in that banded dress with the ring, when compared to the other women in the stark dresses. She was even stronger in the One Power than some Accepted were at this point. She would just have to keep her conversation with Mirin Sedai in the back of her mind, though. She could work through these problems. There were ways of doing it.

She was not broken. Even while in the bondage of the collar, she would not allow herself to be broken.

It took a different kind of bravery than she had exhibited as a damane to admit that. Torianin the novice would have to show diplomacy and maturity if she were to ever become Torianin the Accepted. She looked at her expression in the mirror and saw a determined look on her face. She nodded to herself and began to comb her hair with a slightly wet comb. Some rather savvy novices had mentioned something like that, rather cattily, to her, but she still took the advice. She had hated that puffy cloud of orange as much as she had hated the orange flowers and the gray dress that had been forced upon her. It looked better than it had when she arrived here, but it was still rather frizzy. She blinked and turned toward the door when she heard a knock. She jumped, but perhaps not as much as she would have earlier that day. "Come in," she called to the woman on the other side of the door. Thousands of questions about Tia Tomosan ran through her head as the door opened to reveal her new companion.

The Mistress of Novices sent word to Tia that she was assigned to a new room, and would now have a roommate. The news was delivered by a wax-sealed note that another Novice had delivered to her when she'd left her history class. Tia felt a pit form in the depths of her stomach as she worried over who her new roommate might be. Was it a new Novice, or someone who'd been wearing the white dress just as long as her? Was it someone who knew her family history? Someone who may have already formed an opinion on the kind of person Tia might be?

Did the answers to any of those questions really matter?

Ultimately, no, because there was little Tia could do about the situation. The Mistress of Novices saw fit to assign Tia a roommate, and it was more than her right. Mirin Aes Sedai knew Tia, and knew the challenges she faced as a novice. For her part, Tia not once used those challenges as an excuse for poor performance, or anything of the sort. If anything, the bullying and cat-calling from some of her fellow Novices pushed her to do better. . .be better. . .and prove to herself, and anyone who might care that she was progressing on her merits while not relying on familial reputation.

Worry would get her no where, and yield nothing but sleepless nights if she let it. Pushing the worry and pit in her stomach aside, Tia shifted one of the bags she carried as she came to her new quarters. The door was closed, and she didn't just want to barge in, thus she knocked. Only when she heard the woman. . .someone named Torianin. . .call for her to enter did Tia open the door. She scanned the room. . .her new room, and looked to the other Novice.

Tia still felt a trace of uncertainty, but did her best to push it aside as she offered a small smile, "I was told this was my new room. . .are you Torianin?" She stepped over the threshold, but no further as she waited for an answer.

Torianin had a smile for the young woman at the door. She was rather tall and looked like she was rather physically active. It made her feel like she hadn't been doing enough to shed the pounds of flesh that had been forced on her, but only for a moment. Those were leaving on their own time. Her main concern for this moment was making a good impression on the other novice. She would make a friend, and not because she was made to. "Yes, I am Torianin," she acknowledged, glad that Tia was not a familiar face. She knew that she had made the wrong impression with so many of her colleagues, but they only saw the damane part of her during her weakest moments.

"I don't think we've met," she said, hoping that it was true. There were so many people to meet and remember, sometimes she forgot. She tried not to compare this to her time as a damane, but it had been her only point of reference for so long. She could tell that this novice couldn't channel as much as she could, but that was the case with all the others as well. Torianin did not need to grow in power, she needed to grow in herself.

"It's nice to meet you," she said brightly, widening her smile. "I hope it wasn't too troublesome to move to a new room in the middle of the day." Torianin could hear the nerves in her voice, but cleared her throat. It was no shame to admit what she was going to say. "I've been having trouble making friends, and Mirin Sedai suggested assigning me a roommate." She kept her smile, hoping that what she was saying did not sound strange. She hadn't been on this side of the ocean long enough to make small talk, and she desperately hoped Tia was better at it than she was.

Tia's smile grew a bit, "No. . .we haven't met yet, which is funny in its way. I see the same faces every day, and yet yours isn't one that has crossed my path." She came fully into her new room and looked at the two sides. It was clear Torianin had selected one side, so Tia moved to the other. Her new roommate was shorter than her, and without Tia's athletic build, though not many Novices had quite the lithe build Tia carried.

Setting her things on the bed, Tia turned to face Torianin once again, "It was no trouble, really. I don't have many things, and it was just down the hall from my old room." Hearing the other Novice struggled making friends put Tia at ease a bit. She too had trouble making friends, though for differing reasons. She wondered if Mirin Sedai thought it best she not spend her nights alone. Or was it a ruse to get Tia to work harder at moving from Novice ranks to Accepted?

Either way, it didn't matter. Tia would progress as she progressed. She was a hard worker, of that there was no doubt, and she'd proven herself a quick learner in her channeling classes. It was the non-channeling, non-weapons classes she didn't do quite so well in. . .but was it her fault they didn't hold her interest? She knew they were important, so she tried, but. . .her mind drifted.

Tia gave Torianin a warm smile, "I suspect the Mistress of Novices decided a roommate would be good for me for the same reasons. Too many nights in solitude might not be healthy for those as young as us." She smirked, "Or that's what I imagine she or some other Aes Sedai might say. To be fare? They're likely right." She turned to her bag and untied it to begin unpacking, but looked over her shoulder, "How long have you been at the Tower?"

Torianin sat on her bed and smiled at Tia as she settled herself in. "I've been here for a few weeks," she answered. Part of her told her not to tell the next part, but other part reasoned that since they would be living together, it would make sense if Tia knew the roughest parts about her, so that she would be prepared. "I, um...I'm not sure if you know much about the Seanchan," she said uncertainly. Sometimes even just her accent would set people off. "But, before I came here, I was a damane. They find girls who have...I think I've heard Aes Sedai call it 'the spark,' and they..." She trailed off, trying to find the words without finding the fear. Clearing her throat, she started again. "They put a collar and a leash on them, to control how they can channel."

She had to stop then. It must have looked like she was staring into space, but truly, she was concentrating. She was focusing on making the phantom a'dam that was suddenly back on her neck go away. She was just recounting her history to a roommate, someone she would trust would things like this. Torianin shook her head, to fully bring herself back into the present. "I'm sorry... I was, um...in one of those for five years, and sometimes it's hard to remember where I am now." She gave Tia an open smile, trying to ease how awkward and jaunted her sentences were. "Mirin Sedai is trying to get me to where I can be a bit more comfortable here. Some days, it's wonderful, but some days are difficult." She opted not to tell her new living companion about what had happened earlier that day. That was still embarrassing.

Seanchan. Given Tia's family history, it was hard for her not to know of the Seanchan, and what they chose to do to channelers. The very idea of it made Tia shudder. Torianin had been collared? Without thinking about it, Tia's hand went up to her neck as she listened to her new roommate divulge a bit of her own history. Knowing it was likely not easy for Torianin to admit to her past, Tia offered a look of compassion. There was no way she could relate to what the woman went through, though perhaps she didn't have to. . .perhaps she just needed to be supportive and listen as a friend.

Tia wasn't one to openly complain about not having many friends, though it was something that bothered her. Hearing of her new roommate's past put things into a very different perspective for her, though, and she realized that friends or not, she was still a very lucky girl. As Torianin told her tale, Tia turned and sat on her bed, watching the other Novice as she listened. "I. . .Torianin, I don't even know what to say. The Seachan are vile for what they do to women like us. Vile for treating any person like a piece of property, but then I don't need to tell you that. I am sorry you went through something so awful," she said.

Shifting on her bed so that she was sitting cross legged, Tia gave a half shrug, "I cannot relate to what you experienced, but I can see why it might be hard to make friends here. I've heard my parents say children can be cruel, and while not all of us Novices are children, many certainly behave as such." She bit her lip as she hesitated, uncertain as to whether she should share her own history, but given what Torianin had told her, how could she not? "I realize that I am perhaps luckier than most Novices that come to the Tower. . .my mother is a Gaidar, and my father an Asha'man. My great-great grandmother is. . .is the Amyrlin Seat. I don't tell many people, though it seems most know it, and too many of those who do know either avoid me at all costs, or go out of their way to try and make my life miserable."

Tia smirked with the last comment, "It takes a lot to make my life miserable, though, and that just seems to make them angry. Anyway, it means that I have few friends within the Novice ranks, but compared to what you've been through? Who am I to complain about something so petty?"

Torianin blinked in surprise at Tia's reaction to her story. It was difficult to relate her story, but was it really that easy? Perhaps she should try to be more forthcoming in the future. Even if others were not present when she reacted with fear to something simple, some context may be helpful if something like that happened. And Tia's situation was very different from hers, but she could see how that would make it difficult to make friends. They did not seem to have much common ground on the surface, but perhaps they could relate to each other on that emotional level. She shook her head when Tia questioned her right to complain. "No, you can complain," she said with a smile. "Not complaining is what has me in this predicament right now. Truthfully, I should be Accepted. I've been channeling for years, but... I think perhaps, since I haven't tried to share my story, my fears from the past come to the surface. Today, I... uh..."

Searching for words, she paused. How to put this to where she did not sound like a craven little girl... "I had an outburst in my class. I felt overwhelmed, and..." she trailed off, feeling red coming into her cheeks. "Well... it was embarrassing. What I mean to say, and what I think Mirin Sedai was trying to tell me, is that keeping emotions like that bottled up isn't a good idea. I'm not very good at sharing my feelings, but I'll try harder from now on." Especially now that I'm sharing a room with someone... she thought to herself.

Tia listened to Torianin, and offered a look of compassion. "Mirin Sedai may well be right. . .though sometimes learning how and when to express one's emotions isn't always so straight forward. Sometimes. . .sometimes it may be easier said than done, too," Tia replied. She wasn't one to cry in front of people, though she wasn't one to hide when she was upset or angry.

Her thoughts went to her great-great grandmother, and great-aunt, as well as every other Aes Sedai she'd seen. In public, Aes Sedai seemed to show no emotion what so ever. Given what she knew of her family, Tia knew it was a bit of a facade. . .it wasn't that they didn't have emotions, but they'd learned to school them over the years. Behind closed doors, and with family, her great memma and great aunt were more willing to show emotion, but it left her wondering how they learned to put such an emotionless mask on when in public.

"Do you think it is something they teach?" Tia asked, and then realized she hadn't explained her train of thought to Torianain. She laughed softly at herself and shook her head, "Sorry. . .I mean the way Aes Sedai seemingly show no emotion. . .do you think it is something that is taught, or . . .that we just learn?"

Torianin listened to Tia's question, but she was rather puzzled by it. Had she not been told? It sounded as if the girl's entire family was rooted in the Grey Tower. Perhaps it was all one big secret until those in the learning ranks advanced. "I...don't think they teach a class on it," Torianin said thoughtfully. She had heard about a few classes only Accepted were taught, because of the level of power that she could channel. "But, I know that Accepted are expected to behave like Aes Sedai, but it always seems like they never quite can." She laughed nervously at that. Light, how would she ever get to that point? She tried to tell herself that she would, even if she didn't see a clear path now.

"I suppose we'll find out some day," she said with a shrug. "Have you lived in the Grey Tower all your life?" she asked, now, curious about her tall, new roommate's upbringing. She knew that her family would consider both of them, and every woman in the Tower a marath'damane, creatures to be collared, but here, these men and women who wielded powers most people could only dream of held significant influence over the world, and they worked their whole lives to build it. She tried to imagine a life with that frame of mind, with that knowledge. It must have been wonderful. It had been all but unbelievable to know that she was coming to this place to learn. Just a few short weeks ago, she had worn that contemptible gray dress and had worn that damnable collar. Now, her life was hers again. Now, she was part of this great place that helped to guide this part of the world to a greater future. And here sat another young woman who had lived a life so far removed from hers. She hoped she could learn from her.

Oddly, Tia felt better knowing Torianin didn't know the answer to her question either. She decided to tuck that little nugget of curiosity away and put the question to those in her family who would know. Whether they might answer was an entirely different matter.

Tia gave a bit of a goofy grin and shook her head at the other Novice's question. "No, my brother and I were born in Saldaea, and when we were still babies, our parents moved to a small hamlet called Duron. There was some sort of illness that was going around, and my Father helped heal those who were afflicted. My Mother, being a Gaidar, helped the town in other ways, but they settled in, and raised us there until perhaps a year ago? I actually don't know how long we've been at the Tower, to be honest.

"I know it was perhaps six months after we came here that I was found to have the spark. Perhaps another six months since, or a little longer, or a little less," she explained. With a shrug and shake of her head, she admitted, "Long enough for me to want to get out of this blasted dress! It seems like it is taking me for ever to get raised."

When Miahala Aes Sedai frist told Tia she had the spark, and they spoke of Tia becoming a Novice, she asked how long it would take for her to become full rank. The answer? As long as it took. The time between raisings depended on the person, and how prepared they seemed to be. It seemed a fair answer at the time, but less satisfying now. Getting away from the dresses seemed so far away for the young woman.