The Grey Tower

Val nodded.

Nykk's words as always reflected truth in them. Not the slanted cryptic truths that Aes Sedai were known for, but a sincere fact that should've been a point of reason. Heat rushed to the fingers that delicately held her chin. Her eyes reflected his image and Val saw himself as he'd never known before.

He was...happy.

When he gathered himself to speak his tongue felt clumsy and ill-equipped for the task of forming words. Likely things would have gone more smoothly if he'd been kissing her instead. The coward kept him from going that far, but Val could feel the restraints falling away. Nykkolaia Sedai was slowly freeing him from Master's grip.

“Indeed, I do not," he answered, eyes searching for the lie that might warn him of any games. He'd seen Domani dancers take a man in the same way during his slave days before robbing him of his wealth and dignity. Master had been amused at the crime claiming only fools fell in love. “...but Nyyk, I know your heart; as you know mine. We've shared much despite havin' started in different places. I...I...I'm bloody scared, I am, but I woulda died for anythin' a bit ago; not by choice either."

For once the past did not haunt him with it's shameful recollections and feelings of despair. Guilt seemed to have been burned away by the fire. Light, just bloody kiss 'er ya goat brain! his body told him. He could feel his passion rising at the sight and touch of her. No further words were needed; just action. No. Not until she says it's fine. Wouldn't be proper-like.

With lust abating for moment he focused on Nykk once more. “Before I...," Val swallowed his nervousness at thought of dying and forged ahead with his words; she needed to know of his feelings.

“I...want to be able to give myself to somethin I choose this time. If need be I'll burn fer it too; Nykk I want it to be you that I give my everythin for. I don't need ta know ya for that if I choose it to be so, do I?"

Nykk's smile was infectious. Soon Val felt his own face soften into a grin. Light, women asked a lot of questions though. Or maybe it was just the ones he chose. Lieta had been a curious creature as well. Always plying him for rumors of Murandian nobility; it had been the only way they could salvage what they had together. Making light of the situation kept darker thoughts at bay.

Valadin knew the memory of his first love should've filled him with sadness...maybe even guilt, but with Nykk so close no darkness could penetrate the moment. There'll be time enough for that another day... he decided.

Sighing contentedly, he folded the Blue Sister in an pressing embrace. There's was a forbidden connection, but he would give anything for to see them through.

“Maybe," Val replied to her question, his chin resting comfortably atop the blond crown of Nykk's head. “Maybe, I was just fishin' fer a kiss from a fine looking woman. That sound like a fair reason?"

He wanted to add that it was a jest; even if she wasn't quite Aes Sedai, women were fickle enough about whom they kissed. More so than who shared their bed. If the thought sharing beds had been given ample consideration Val was certain Nykkolaia would have her proof of lewd intentions being this close. Thankfully the distraction of her honey oat scent consumed his thoughts. Days of peacefully tending the stables returned to memory as pushed his nose into hair before inhaling deeply. “Light...you even smell better than the other Sisters!" he exclaimed.

“Nykk...I don't want this night to end," he admitted suddenly. He didn't pull away, he wasn't ready for that yet, but the tension the concern caused was easily noticeable in his reaction. “Perhaps...I could stay here for the night?" he asked before realizing what he'd suggested.

Releasing her quickly he stepped away, his overcoat falling from Nykk's shoulders. The tear in her dress exposing soft pale flesh once again and Valadin reddened.

“I...I...I...well that's not what I meant! I'd be thankful sleeping on the floor as long as you're in the room! And no funny business! I can keep to my...my...myself! Yes, I can do that just fine!"

Stammering made him aware of how unworthy he really was of her. She was Aes Sedai. People bowed to her request not the other way around.

“What...whatever you wish is...fine. With me, I mean. Fine with me...Burn me," Val swore.

Like an expertly brewed poultice, Nykk's advice was sound and calming. Val smirked weakly while inclining his head in agreement. Longing flared in his breast for the closeness that he'd enjoyed only moments ago, but patience blessedly found him when he needed it the most.

“Of course," he answered quickly. For a time he stood immobile, eyes holding the image of Nykk with ravenous hunger. His hands twitched with the desire to do something while his mind raced, thoughts heavy with the disappointment of leaving her presence, yet at the same time churning excitedly at the prospect of another encounter. “I hardly think a Soldier like me callin' on ya..would be looked upon well. You bein' a Sister and such." He added solemnly.

Clearing his throat as he briefly eyed where his coat covered her exposed skin, Val turned towards the remnants of the evening's meal. Undoubtedly the Master of the Kitchen would be having a fit. Scullery maids had on more than one occasion been sent to retrieve delinquent dinner wares; even from the rooms of Asha'man and Aes Sedai. It was one of the few instances were rank held no bearing in one's treatment.

“My free hours are usually spent in the Gardens...tis quiet and the pathways lead to enough secluded spots where interruptions ain't all that common. Perhaps if...yunno, yer ever not busy with Aes Sedai matters, you'd care to join me?"

With platter and pitcher in hand Val faced Nykk again. He needed to find a way to see her anytime he wanted. Having to obey the strict governance of the Tower had proven difficult only a few times, but now Valadin found the structure suffocating. With Dedicated and Accepted prowling about in search of recruits to harass or punish, stealing away to her quarters would be an impossible task. That was without taking into account the chamber maids and other servants that performed nightly tasks regularly. Val nearly snarled out of frustration when a thought came to him. “Nykk, do you...I mean 'ave you got a Warder?" He asked, swears caught at the back of his throat.

How could he not have remembered that? Her Gaidin could appear at any second to catch them in this unseemly state. Val tried to tell himself that the question was purely to ensure that no one would pop in on them unexpectedly, but by the jealous heat that warmed the back of his neck and ears he knew that much hinged on her answer. If she's already been taken by someone, can I share her? he wondered.

For the first time in the night he reached desperately for the Flame hoping it's embers would burn away the nausea in his stomach. Knowing the expression of horror that must have been on his face, Val turned his back to Nykk. Mastering himself once more took effort, but he managed it. Still, he doubted that the effort could be maintained if her answer was 'yes' so he didn't turn back immediately.

“Tis not a problem if you do...Sisters are supposed to 'ave 'em anyway...so I hear," he stated smoothly over his shoulder.

With her response came a selfish relief that Val immediately felt ashamed of. Gathering himself he faced Nykk and offered a hollow grin. Even through the Aes Sedai mask of indifference, the obvious confusion was evident in the minor details of her facial features.

Valadin understood very little of other people. Their thought processes and behaviors confounded him at every turn. People would hurt one another while appearing to be a dearest friend; it was for this reason that he favored horses. Most steeds were gentle beasts no matter the occasional aggressive streak. Their code was clear: treat them with love and respect, they return the favor in kind.

Nykk was different from other people though. Especially from her Sisters.

Val's smile widened at the sight of a few defiant strings of gold that had pulled free from where she had pinned everything neatly from her face. Maybe it was the cat-like way in which she observed him, her tiny mouth forming a never fading circle in her surprise. Burn me, Val realized with a sigh, I'd do anything for her.

The internal admission ended the struggle that had waged within him since their first real glimpse of one another. Now he knew he wouldn't die until he was hers and she was his.

“Nykkolaia Sedai," he said in low, throaty voice. Val considered dropping everything to take her in his arms again, but thought better of it. Instead he fell to one knee, wincing at rough reception of the hard stone floor. Platter balanced on one hand and pitcher held in the other he spoke words that hours ago would've paralyzed him with fear. “One day soon I will be yer Warder. Until then I'll share every moment I possibly can with you and when I'm worthy I'll ask fer yer bond...and yer heart."

It seemed a fool thing to do, but Val had never felt more ownership of an action than the one he'd just taken. Just then a rap on the door warned of an intruder and a flash of irritation ghosted over his expression.

“Lady Nykkolaia, I'm hear to replace your chamber pot for the evening. May I come, Aes Sedai?"

Val looked to Nykk. He wanted to know her answer, but feared the possibility of rejection.

As always Nykk's words were wisdom. No sooner had the Sister bade Val to rise the door creaked open uncertainly and an impish maid donning worn blue livery poked her head into the room. By now Valadin stood facing the Aes Sedai woman, his features a practiced mask of stone when he turned to the girl.

“Is it common to barge into a Sister's room without permission?" He asked smoothly, the words carrying enough chill to convey his meaning.

“I...well, that is...I knocked and..." the maid's stumbling struck a familiar chord. Only hours ago the same inability plagued him when the diminutive Sister who stood quietly by and watched had bewitched him. Light, it's late, Val realized.

A wave of fatigue washed through him and a breath escaped him as relaxed visibly, the earlier tension fading. “Worry not," he assured the frightened maid. “The Sister ent the sort to raise trouble where none need be; just know that not all Aes Sedai as kind as she."

Garnishing the warning with some sternness seemed to lessen the likelihood of rumours flitting about the Tower just yet. Gratitude brought some color back to the young girl's skin as she dipped gracefully in a bow. Valadin shared a look surreptitious look with Nykk while they had a moment. As the maid set about her work, Val cleared his throat and added a clumsy curtsy of his own in farewell, “Sister..." he called before leaving.

Her name lingered on his lips. Like honey drops, the imagined sound of it, seduced his ears and the want snatch Nykk in his arms nearly ruined them both. For now politics kept them apart; he would need to prove himself worthy before sating his heart's desire.

“If ya don't mind...I'll see ya about that matter we discussed earlier during my free hour. Oh! And I'll be sure to tell the chef of your compliments as well. He'll be pleased no doubt."

Sparing a last leer that hungrily searched for Nykkolaia Sedai's eyes Val moved towards the door as the servant girl attended her responsibilities. He motioned towards his Asha'man coat with a gesture that he hoped said he'd return for it. That didn't matter though. There had to be more that he could to tell her...That I love her.

The moment was ruined when the maid looked up from her duties. Val fled, the good night he'd wanted to say, vanishing before it could be given birth. Creator...don't take this from me too.