Lost in his own troubles, Valadin missed Nykk’s reaction to the near-miss. When she next spoke her words lacked the biting Aes Sedai chill that had been present in the battle of wits. Starting as if from a dream Val sat up quickly, eyes scanning Nykk’s flushed cheeks and wanted to offer comfort, but couldn’t.
Part of him was still shaken.
Studying her now, only the demure woman who bore her scars in silent suffering remained before him. That woman was the one that understood him and had sampled the bitter elixir of past pains as he had; that woman knew him. What didja expect? You’ve done plenty to survive that yer not proud about. So what she might be a Aes Sedai witch? Ya gunna run? Ya gunna be alone again? If his head wasn’t sure of the answer his heart most certainly was.
Within moments a strong hand gripped Nykkolaia Sedai’s wrist—a little more firmly than he’d meant to. The other hand reached up to the unmarred side of her face, stroking tenderly once before falling back to the grass. There were many things he wanted to ask—to say—but a lump in his throat prevented anything intelligent from coming out. Feet clattered by on the cobblestone paths just beyond the clearing and the Void was the only thing that kept Valadin from fleeing back to his quarters.
He didn’t take risks; especially not for love. The lesson had been taught very early in his life that such things were temporal and not worth the hurt that came with them. Yet…
“I love you.”
In that instant the world faded away. Tarmon Gai’don, the Shadow, the Aes Sedai and Asha’man—nothing mattered except the words that suddenly loomed between he and her. Flashes of Lieta’s image flooded his mind. She was the first person he’d dared to take a chance with. Sweat dotted Val’s palms while his fingers dug into the dirt at her memory. He could see her smiling face, hear the musical lilt of her Murandy accent, and remembered the smell of her as they lay together deep into the evening. Then there were blood stains and viscera everywhere. The sheets, crimson and soaking as he lay on it, had given off a metallic odor that had plagued even his dreams that night. Like a nightmare the gory aftermath of Master’s threat interposed itself on Nykk. A mad panic nearly took over him as Saidin roared into his grasp without beckoning though he fought not seize it immediately.
Now Valadin understood what it was like for male channelers who were mad with the Power.
The desire to lay about with ribbons of fire and gouges of earth gripped him so strongly it ached him to not fully take the One Power into his control. If not for the duty he knew he had to the Light…to Nykk, he would’ve given in. He would’ve become one of those men who broke the world.
Gasping as control returned jerkily to him, he felt the tautness drain from his muscles nearly collapsing him face-first onto Nykk. Somehow he managed to remain upright as he lifted his eyes to her again. “I…I love you, Nykkolaia Sedai,” he said again, though this time with more gravity.
There was hunger to his words, a penetrating need to have her that surpassed reason. Quickly embraced the Void which had fallen away at the thought of Lieta, he settled the storm within. Having admitted his love in earnest to the Aes Sedai Val knew the former woman of his life would not bother him again. He would never forget her, but she had no place among the living and would never be a source of guilt again. Perhaps in death, songbird, he pondered, feeling no remorse at invoking his pet name for her while seeking the heart of another woman.
Let the Creator do what he would. A wretch like him had no need for salvation in the afterlife. Only the here and now mattered to his sort.
“Nothing…Nothing,” he panted, squeezing the wrist he held to impart his desperation, “…will ever make you unworthy of whatever trouble comes my way because of us.”
Part of him was still shaken.
Studying her now, only the demure woman who bore her scars in silent suffering remained before him. That woman was the one that understood him and had sampled the bitter elixir of past pains as he had; that woman knew him. What didja expect? You’ve done plenty to survive that yer not proud about. So what she might be a Aes Sedai witch? Ya gunna run? Ya gunna be alone again? If his head wasn’t sure of the answer his heart most certainly was.
Within moments a strong hand gripped Nykkolaia Sedai’s wrist—a little more firmly than he’d meant to. The other hand reached up to the unmarred side of her face, stroking tenderly once before falling back to the grass. There were many things he wanted to ask—to say—but a lump in his throat prevented anything intelligent from coming out. Feet clattered by on the cobblestone paths just beyond the clearing and the Void was the only thing that kept Valadin from fleeing back to his quarters.
He didn’t take risks; especially not for love. The lesson had been taught very early in his life that such things were temporal and not worth the hurt that came with them. Yet…
“I love you.”
In that instant the world faded away. Tarmon Gai’don, the Shadow, the Aes Sedai and Asha’man—nothing mattered except the words that suddenly loomed between he and her. Flashes of Lieta’s image flooded his mind. She was the first person he’d dared to take a chance with. Sweat dotted Val’s palms while his fingers dug into the dirt at her memory. He could see her smiling face, hear the musical lilt of her Murandy accent, and remembered the smell of her as they lay together deep into the evening. Then there were blood stains and viscera everywhere. The sheets, crimson and soaking as he lay on it, had given off a metallic odor that had plagued even his dreams that night. Like a nightmare the gory aftermath of Master’s threat interposed itself on Nykk. A mad panic nearly took over him as Saidin roared into his grasp without beckoning though he fought not seize it immediately.
Now Valadin understood what it was like for male channelers who were mad with the Power.
The desire to lay about with ribbons of fire and gouges of earth gripped him so strongly it ached him to not fully take the One Power into his control. If not for the duty he knew he had to the Light…to Nykk, he would’ve given in. He would’ve become one of those men who broke the world.
Gasping as control returned jerkily to him, he felt the tautness drain from his muscles nearly collapsing him face-first onto Nykk. Somehow he managed to remain upright as he lifted his eyes to her again. “I…I love you, Nykkolaia Sedai,” he said again, though this time with more gravity.
There was hunger to his words, a penetrating need to have her that surpassed reason. Quickly embraced the Void which had fallen away at the thought of Lieta, he settled the storm within. Having admitted his love in earnest to the Aes Sedai Val knew the former woman of his life would not bother him again. He would never forget her, but she had no place among the living and would never be a source of guilt again. Perhaps in death, songbird, he pondered, feeling no remorse at invoking his pet name for her while seeking the heart of another woman.
Let the Creator do what he would. A wretch like him had no need for salvation in the afterlife. Only the here and now mattered to his sort.
“Nothing…Nothing,” he panted, squeezing the wrist he held to impart his desperation, “…will ever make you unworthy of whatever trouble comes my way because of us.”
