Paks was surprised that Zarayne Sedai wasn’t the one to accompany her given how invested she seemed to be in assisting Paks on her road to recovery. The Ji’val appreciated the Aes Sedai was trying to help and doing her job as a member of the Yellow, but what she was going through wasn’t going to be fixed by talking to a random person. And while Time was said to heal all wounds, the Ji’val doubted time would repair the hole within her soul.
When the trio reached the Gardens, the Aes Sedai and Gaidin were right on her heals. Paks stopped and faced the pair, “Look, I know you have to keep an eye on me, but could you give me a bit of space?” The pair exchanged a look between each other but both motioned for her to carry on. She continued along the path, looking over her shoulder after a bit and felt a sense of relief as the pair were about twenty feet or so back.
Memories of time spent with Jesi walking through the Gardens came flooding back to her and she moved a hand to her chest, grabbing at the fabric of her shirt. The Ji’val was having second thoughts about her idea to get a bit of fresh air, though she moved to a nearby bench and sat down, looking out over the lake.
’You won’t always have me’ Paks remembered telling Jesi.
‘I will so always have you!’ the Accepted countered, her speech slurred from the amount of mead she’d consumed. Her hands found their way into Paks’ hair as her dark brown eyes burrowed into Paks’s own blue ones, ‘Are you willing to pull my sorry, stupid backside out of trouble forever, Paks? Because if you say yes, I will bond you right here, right now.’
So many emotions came welling up to the surface. Paks leaned forward, placing her elbows on her knees as she rubbed her hands together. She stared out across the lake without really seeing anything. Not too far from where she sat, she and Jesi shared an intimate evening before both were pulled away to face their raising tests.
Everywhere she looked, something reminded her of Jesi. The Ji’val felt as if the world was closing in on her. All she wanted to do was run away, yet she couldn’t move.